nectarine / 2713 posts
@tlynne: I am so so sorry for putting that out and in no way I was out to hurt anyone’s feelings or claiming that has any scientific truth. Not at all! That was honestly just a casual comment my therapist made when we were in a room and it wasn’t intended to repeat and broadcast out. Sorry at one point I assumed no one is reading this (as this is an older thread which tends to die off, and I was having a “conversation” with @gingerbebe so I assumed she was the only one reading, so sorry) . My bad and I am sorry for not thinking. Honestly, she is saying that as an exaggerated comment / joke to make me feel better that I don’t have a demon child and nothing is wrong. If my child was acting up and getting kicked out from school and behaving very well at home, she is probably going to say the opposite. Again I am so sorry. She said that as a joke with no research at all. Please allow me to swallow what I wrote back *swallow* . Again my deepest apologies....
apricot / 317 posts
@irene: Thank you . I honestly have a very. very sensitive spot that the comment just hit the wrong way. I am a foster parent and teacher and I have heard parents say things like this to (and about) their own children. It's heartbreaking. I know YOU didn't mean it personally; it just stung.
As far as DS1 goes, last spring, he had more days in in-school-suspension than he did in the classroom. About 80-90% of the incidents were related to his SID. This year, it was a huge victory that he only had two in-school-suspension days (even though there have been several more minor incidents...it's no fun when the entire school knows me because of my son's behavior). Your son doesn't sound that bad off...and I know we all need a little levity from time to time.
@tlynne: Awww... now I feel super bad. Honestly, when I heard it I kinda rolled my eyes inside of me thinking it is one of those "shrink lines" that makes me feel better.... that's why I didn't even process it and blurbed it out here because of how untrue it is. And honestly, all human beings have a shot in doing great things OR end up in jail. It is just a matter of how we handle and nurture the child in between, you know ?
Hugs!!! I am so sorry to hear that some parents at your school say that to and about their children. And you are truly an angel to be a foster parent.
Yes, DS doesn't sound bad.... and no, he is not bad. Just that it is the daily little "bad choices" he made in 5 minute intervals. Today we talked his ear off that we have to finish eating a big snack/early dinner at 4:30 so we can get to the park at 4:45 for baseball. We explained to him how he has to clean up, potty, sunscreen. All that takes time. No it didn't register. Not even close. It was half an hour of me losing my mind while DH told me to stop and leave the kitchen lol. I was in my room plucking my eyebrows waiting . We didn't even get into the car until 5. I asked him what time did we have to get to the park he said, 6:15? And just now before bedtime, he insisted on putting a bunch of pencils and old credit cards (he got from DH) INTO his pillow case. Almost threw a fit and took a while to calm him down to explain to him why it's a bad idea. Yes I know he's tired but Grrrr! 10 mins prior he was slamming the door shut causing DH to yell at him (and he very very rarely yells at him)... and so on. Then the constant "don't tell me what to do!" and he went off rolling around in his room for 10 mins without any intention to hit the shower. etc etc. So it is not that he's evil or bad. It is a million of these little bad choices that builds up, and you wonder why haven't he learned already. And guess what. Between all these he did amazingly well at baseball and his team is going to championship partially because of one of his hits, and the coach even wrote me an email saying how DS listens and follows instructions very well and he is so glad to have him on the team. Yep. Have to constantly remind myself to be thankful and need to find my cool. Deep breaths.
Pardon my ignorance but what is SID? I read back on your comments, and I remember when I first read it, I thought your DS is a dream. I wonder if he didn't like a certain teacher / peer students? Is there a way to change him to a different school? You sound like a really wonderful mother and I am sure you will get this figured out. Hugs and kisses
@irene: SID is sensory integration disorder; it is a neurological disorder where the brain scrambles sensory information in such a way that it isn't processed properly. DS's occupational therapist compared it to living life as if you are standing on a ship in rolling waves while ants crawl up and down your legs and everything around you is double the brightness and volume. DS has been known to fall out of a stationary dining room chair 5-6 times at a single meal...his balance can be that bad in certain circumstances. And often, the more sensory input he gets, the more hyper he often gets. Swimming on swim team has truly been wonderful for him, as it seems to really soothe his symptoms (and is now working wonders for his self esteem and ability to make friends). Oddly enough, he is much more coordinated in the water than on dry land, lol. At home, where everything is quieter and more subdued, he does very well. At home, he has also been more willing to use things that help him, like his weighted blanket or vest. We have very set routines for him at home because he thrives on structure and very straightforward routines. I find that I have to be very matter of fact, unyielding, and calm to discipline him...I am working on this!
School is a different story altogether. He currently receives special ed services for the SID, and this helps sometimes...but the school often expects him to self advocate, and he is not mature enough to do that yet, especially when he is feeling overwhelmed. Lunchtime and recess have been his worst times of day because of the more chaotic nature of both. We have found that writing down routines or 1 or 2 behaviors for him to focus on per day really helps...but his school behavior and friendships still lag behind. His school is actually very supportive ...and while we have thought about home school, I really think he needs the practice of interacting with other kids. They do allow us to supplement his work at school to keep him challenged (and he definitely needs it), and he does get weekly one-on-one instruction from their gifted specialist. And while he is having significantly fewer "full blown" sensory meltdowns, he does come home talking about crying in class because of noise level or because he gets teased occasionally for his size or coordination. Today was field day, so it was rougher than usual...and he came home and said that he doesn't want to go to school next year on field day. He skips almost all field trips, too. On the bright side, he has won the clean desk award every month this school year .
Do you think your son is old enough to have a conversation about fixing his routine? He may just want more control over the situation (I'm just guessing because of the statement 'don't tell me what to do'). We have a lot of talks here about what is in DS's control versus what adults need to decide.
hugs back. Thank you...and sorry for the essay lol
@tlynne: ahhhh, hugs, I am so sorry about what you are going through, and what your DS is living through He is quite a little trooper! I can't believe he got suspended when it is clearly not his choice to misbehave.... sigh... is he in a regular school with special ed, or is there a school that is more specialized that can remotely be an option? I feel bad that he got in trouble because of something that he barely has control of especially at such a young age. Someone need to put the principal (or whoever that suspends him) on a boat filled with ants AND play loud noises + shine bright lights on him/her for 2 hours and see how they behave. Argh. I am sure you know the best for him though. I hope with your DS growing older his symptoms get weaker/ more controllable, and he gets a better control of the condition. Sending healing wishes and thoughts
Funny to hear that he is more coordinated in water than on land, it makes sense! Maybe the actual floating motion equalizes the wavy motion in his brain which makes him much more comfortable. Poor thing.... I am so glad you guys found a sport that can cope with his condition.
For us yes we have a routine. It is the baseball schedule that goes crazy - 2 random weekdays and one weekend practice or game per week, all at random times. Dinner and bedtime fits in however it fits. So you are right, I can see maybe he felt very unstable/ungrounded because of that. Maybe he couldn't clearly grasp what do we need to do when even though we talked his ear off the day prior. I do need to try writing down the schedule for him every day like you suggested and see if it helps, thanks! Baseball is going to be over this week. Hopefully we'll have some normalcy before next season starts in fall.
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