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@Baby Boy Mom: I'm going to look into it. I've heard that some people do well with elimination diets and SPD. As others have said, it seems daunting but I want him to be his best self so I am going to research it.
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@Baby Boy Mom: ok, thanks, that’s a great start! They definitely have carby snacks at school but if cut back at least maybe I’ll see a difference. Thank god nuts are ok.
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Bumping to see if there is any more input on ADHD -- boys or girls! We've decided to have my son (7) evaluated after conferring with his teacher a lot this year. She even had the learning specialist pop in for secret evaluations over the past month where she would record how often he was on task compared with one of his peers. His peer was on task 92 percent of the time -- my son, 44 percent of the time. Sigh.
I actually find myself a little relieved that we're going to hopefully get some concrete answers and a plan to help him. I can't be a drill sergeant anymore -- it is starting to affect our relationship, and he so clearly needs strategies to become more independent as school gets harder. He is super smart and if he doesn't get help he is going to be the classic case of the kid who just didn't live up to his potential.
I am struggling with guilt, though. Like somehow I caused this or something. I know that's not really the case but it still feels crushing at times.
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@Mrs. Yoyo: hugs. We are mostly waiting and seeing with my girl, who is 5.5 now. Things had definitely gotten worse before the holidays but getting back in our routine helped. I’m hopefully that my daughter is simply maturing and growing out of this, but I also know she will probably always struggle with certain things, like staying on task, transitioning from one activity to another, etc. I hope you can get some answers and help for your son.
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@Foodnerd81: your daughter sounds like an extreme version of me! 🤣🤣 It's a good and a bad way to be a guess.
this is so random but does she breathe with her mouth open? Have you read about the connection with mouth breathers and ADHD? -
@pachamama: @Foodnerd81: so my friend is a pediatric respiratory therapist and we were talking about my son's behavior one day. He mentioned the mouth breathing thing and so I've been paying more attention to it. My son is a total mouth breather! He also wakes up at least once a night. I'm going to ask at his next physical if we can get a sleep study done this summer. He's seen patients who have had their tonsils/adenoids out and their behavior has improved drastically.
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@pachamama: I have read about that! I don’t think it applies to her, and even had the pediatrician check her adenoids and whatever, especially since she used to get a ton of ear infections. But the funny thing is a friend with a then 3 year old stayed with us shortly after I read about it, and HER daughter does sleep with her mouth open and I brought it up to my friend to mention to her doctor. Because she too is a challenging but awesome little girl.
For my girl, I feel like we are seeing where her strong personality is going to really take her places, finally- as long as we can manage the downsides of it.
Or maybe in a month I’ll be losing my mind again.
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@KT326: I was honestly SO hoping she was a mouth breather. Last summer she was really really struggling with staying in bed too. But the doctor and I agreed it’s most likely just personality/ behavior. But still it’s something I’m going to keep watching.
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The sleep thing you ladies mention is interesting. I feel like I've noticed my son doing the mouth breathing thing sometimes, and he is constantly complaining that he's tired even though I am pretty strict about getting him to bed at a decent hour.
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@Foodnerd81: I'm chiming back in -- we ended up doing the Feingold diet for my sensory boy. Our OT recommended it and it has changed everything. It has changed his life. He is a different child. He isn't perfect but he is so much more regulated and can stay on task. It's incredible. Let me know if you want me to email you the handbook or chat about it more.
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@Mrs. Yoyo: We just started meds and it has completely changed everything for the better in ways I couldn't even imagine. I'm still in shock about the whole thing. Hes still him. Just a more regulated happier him who doesnt scream at me for hours a day and can function appropriately for his age.
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@psw27: I haven't tried any type of diets because my kiddo is SO restrictive with food, but we are doing feeding therapy this summer so maybe we could shift some things. Could you send that to me too?
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@Mrs. Lion: Yes! Wall me your email. It's really not about eliminating particular foods - just foods with synthetic colors, flavors, dyes and preservatives. My kid for example is super reactive to additives in milk - who knew. Even organic milks have preservatives in them that mess with him! Once you get brands established that are feingold approved, it is super easy!
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We had a bad morning. "Please put your book down so you can brush your teeth." "Please put your shoes on." I want to live in a world where these are simple requests. I was in tears when I sent him out the door. I am so very tired. His dad travels constantly for work so this is all on me the vast majority of the time.
And then his teacher goes and posts and article like this: https://deeprootsathome.com/kids-bored-entitled/?fbclid=IwAR2OvG76RZa-tCwxmZUyjNRmznj-xz-zIyOPMx18lfXHgq0hTaeKPb52Ikw
And I'm not saying there's no truth there, but damn if I haven't tried to avoid most of those pitfalls. Yet, we are still struggling.
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@Mrs. Lion: How did you get the ball rolling on diagnosis? His school has referred us to a psychologist who can probably get us in quickly but I think we will have to pay completely out of pocket and it ain't cheap.
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@Mrs. Yoyo: we started working with a developmental pediatrician about 2.5 years ago to rule out other things because he was only 3. They dont like to talk about ADHD until 6 because so many of the behaviors overlap with typical preschooler behavior. We had to pay through our insurance, so every appointment is a specialist copay. Would that be a less expensive option over a psychologist
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@Mrs. Yoyo: wow. That article pisses me off. And I’m sure at this moment it’s hard not to take it personally, but that’s just super annoying. Im going to guess you aren’t letting your son play violent video games until the moment you ask him to put on his shoes?
We have had lots of mornings like that. One thing I have noticed is as my daughter is getting into a bad cycle, it drives me into a bad cycle, which makes the whole thing worse. She won’t listen and is loud and chaotic and causing trouble at school, so I get increasingly frustrated and have less patience and start reacting to her poor behavior in not the most productive way (surprise, screaming at my kid to put her shoes on isn’t any more effective then using a sterner voice and physically sitting her down to put them on, but somehow the screaming comes a lot easier to me). So when she starts into a bad cycle, I focus on making sure she is getting enough sleep and then really focus on doing what I have to to keep me sane- extra time outs for me, extra sleep, time with friends. I can’t change her right now so I try my hardest to change me and how I react to her.
I’m not at all saying you are reacting poorly to him! Just mentioning my experience, and commiserating. I’m so so grateful that my daughter’s teacher this year seems to really see the good and the bad and we are on the same page trying to help her. Even in our multiple conferences she and the director always make a point to tell me how much the like her. Having had an experience with a teacher who clearly did NOT like her, I see what a huge difference it makes.
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@Foodnerd81: I have this problem too. His behavior is a huge trigger for me, probably because there are too many of those stupid articles that blame parents for everything. Nope, thanks. My kid started meds and *OMG* when I say "time to put on your shoes" he DOES IT! For the first time in his life every single minute isnt a struggle. I guarantee my parenting style hasn't changed even a tiny bit in the last 2 weeks. All the eye rolls.
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@Mrs. Lion: it actually helps me that my younger daughter is just a totally different personality. Like from day 5 home from the hospital, different personality. So I know it can’t all be me and my awful parenting, right? It’s such a different experience picking the younger one up from school. I’ll see another parent get pulled aside to discuss their kids behavior and I always want to give them a hug because I get it, even though my younger daughter always gets “she did great!”
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@Foodnerd81: Oh absolutely I feed off of him and then make it worse. I know self-care will be critical and despite the questionable article his teacher has had the patience of a saint with him and has been trying different strategies.
I am tempted to post a comment but I guess I won't rock the boat. But yeah, I baselessly blame myself quite enough without articles like that to brighten my day.
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@Mrs. Yoyo: Its not you
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@Mrs. Yoyo: That article pisses me off A LOT. As an OT, she should also know that some kids have actual neurological issues that don't allow them to be less impulsive or delay gratification or not be distracted. Literally, my son is working with an OT because of BRAIN ISSUES that cause all of those things. So I really resent her saying that if he never watched TV he wouldn't have sensory processing disorder. What does she do for work then? Retrain neurotypical kids who watch their Ipads too much? I don't think so.
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@psw27: It wasn't an OT, just my son's teacher. She has been very patient with us during this process so I'm not going to come out guns blazing but it still hurts a bit every time I think about it, like deep down she is blaming me.
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@Mrs. Yoyo: Oh I meant the author of the article.... She's an OT I think. Oof. I'd be upset if my son's teacher posted that too.
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@Mrs. Yoyo: Ugh. I hate that article. There's such a difference between entitled bored kids who end up being somewhat bratty and kids who have legitimate problems with executive functioning and attention. I'm not saying that it wouldn't make existing problems worse, but giving kids with ADHD what they want in the moment does not *make* them have ADHD.
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@Chuckles: Agree completely.
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