I've not seen this discussed here but maybe some of you can relate or have insights. A friend of mine recently discovered that she's pregnant. This was planned. However, she has struggled with alcoholism for many years. She has been sober for a year. However, knowing she really cannot or shouldn't drink is causing her a lot of problems, like at least before she had the "option" but now she doesn't. She has a counselor and a support group, but many of the people in it aren't mothers or parents. Lately she told me she has been going to parties and longing to be able to drink, feeling socially uneasy, et cetera. I don't think she will drink, but I do think she is miserable and wondering if anyone has advice about how to help. Thanks.
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She's white nuckling her sobriety if she is as you are describing.
She needs to change up or add to her toolkit for sobriety, more meetings, different types of meetings, increased self work, further her work through the steps (book study?), work with counsellor more often, etc. Does she have a sponsor? I am sure it would be hard/tough odds on finding someone local/in her group already in same position, what about the AA online forum/resources?
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I definitely agree with finding a sponsor if she doesn't have one. Also, changing up her routine and eliminating temptation (as much as possible). I have a family member who has been sober for 20+ years now. Today he's fine with being around people who are drinking. In the beginning? Not so much. I think staying away from the parties and people who are drinking would be very helpful.
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I think also there is a huge fear of feeling trapped in general when you're pregnant and about to be a parent for the first time.
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Sounds like she may benefit from therapy.
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I definitely agree she should talk to her sponsor. She is experiencing absolutely normal thoughts about pregnancy, and one year of sobriety. However, normal does not equal easy and her sponsor will hopefully have words of wisdom and support to share, and possibly connect her to someone who has been pregnant in recovery if the sponsor hasn't experienced it themself. Some OB practices may have local resources specifically for pregnant women in recovery, it may be worthwhile to ask there.
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I'm a drug and alcohol counselor. I think what she's experiencing is normal, but agree that with the added stress of pregnancy it's probably a good time to bump up her supports. If she likes 12-step stuff, then that means increasing meetings, working more with her sponsor, etc.
If she is being totally honest with her therapist that's a great step. She might consider asking about a therapeutic group to increase support in this area. Additionally, she and her therapist should do some screening together to rule out co-occurring disorders like anxiety or depression. Pregnancy hormones can exacerbate these illnesses, and both can contribute to risk for relapse.If she was my client and acknowledged that she was struggling I would try to increase clinical support. This could mean referral to a group, or meeting more frequently in individual. I'd also revisit and focus on her relapse prevention plan. Possibly include her partner or other support people in a family session or two. I'd also want to be able to have open communication with her OB. If I evaluated her to have depression or anxiety (or other mental illness), I'd definitely open the conversation about pregnancy safe medications.
Hopefully she has a therapist who is on top of it, and hopefully she is able to be honest with him/her. As her friend, I think the best thing you can do is listen and remain non judge mental and supportive. I would guess she has a lot of guilt for even feeling vulnerable about alcohol use while pregnant, because there is a lot of judgement around women/pregnancy and addiction. just being a good friend to her, doing things together, talking, listening, etc. is really wonderful.
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@Paddington10: Send her to http://www.sobermommies.com. There's an in-person group in MA but they also have an FB support group, plus a lot of other resources.
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I have no personal experience with this but I have a friend who was/is in recovery and who maintained her sobriety throughout pregnancy but relapsed quite badly when her child was 12 weeks old, and was diagnosed with severe PPA and PPD which lead to the relapse. It has taken a huge amount of work to claim back her sobriety, so I would advise you to tell your friend to ensure she has support in place for her pregnancy and for immediately afterwords. Best of luck to her!!
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Thank you all for this advice and for that link!!
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9 comments