DS will be 3 in November and he says “sorry” for EVERYTHING. Things he definitely does not need to apologize for. Like, I dropped his book and he said “sorry mama” in the saddest little voice and he says it so genuinely like it was all his fault. It’s for everything- he fell down, he says sorry. We give him instructions, like, please put your pants on bud, he says sorry. We don’t really force apologies and I haven’t asked daycare about it yet. We’ve tried telling him that he can just say “ok”, especially for instructions but it hasn’t worked. I mean, I want him to apologize for things he actually needs to, but not as a default response. I’m not really sure what I’m looking for here, but it makes me so sad to hear his little voice saying sorry for things he doesn’t need to be sorry for. Now I’m so conscious about what I apologize for because as a woman, I definitely think I say sorry way too often and now I’m worried he’s picking it up from me
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My 2 1/2 year old is starting this too and it makes me so sad. I know he gets from me because I say sorry all of the time out of a habit that I'm not quite sure how it was formed. Just his little voice and not saying it quite right gets me everytime. I have pushed a couple apologies, but they were necessary because he knew better and knew it was wrong because he tried to run afterwards.
Since then I am trying to cut back on saying sorry all of the time, and when he says sorry unnecessarily I tell him it's nothing to be sorry about, it's ok. It hasn't corrected it, but we're only a couple weeks into this.
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I'd correct it in a cheerful voice "nope, that's not a sorry, that's an ok mama, say ok mama" or "you dropped the book. That's not a sorry. That's an uh-oh. Say uh-oh"
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@peaches1038: Yep, C is the same! I am 99% sure he is getting it from his new daycare class/teacher because I am a B* and literally never apologize for anything haha.
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@Sams Mom: thanks!! Glad to hear I’m not alone!
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@MrsSRS: ooh those are good ideas. I e been trying to think of the right words and this is perfect. Thank you!!!
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@wrkbrk: Hahahaha good for you! Looks like it’s a normal stage then
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@peaches1038: Yeah it worries me just a TAD because as you know I do feel like his new teacher is too strict for 2 year olds ... and I do wonder what she is making him feel like he has to apologize for!
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@wrkbrk: right?! I’m going to ask about it today
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My 2 year old does this. So I think its a stage. It makes me sad, too! She says "sorry, mommy". I just say "we don't need to be sorry about this, baby!!" She seems to already be getting out of this stage. Now she says "oh my gosh!"
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I would do as mentioned above and try to give him other words to say instead. Also I would let the teachers in on this plan... the teacher/s may be doing this totally unaware!
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My son did this for awhile, probably right before he turned 3. I think he just wasn’t sure when it was appropriate to say it. It made me sad too, but I would correct him and tell him he didn’t need to say sorry. He’s over it now!
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He's probably just not sure yet when you say "sorry". He gets that you say it if something bad happens, but not the bit where it's when something bad happens because you caused it. And it's legit confusing, because we adults will say "I'm sorry..." to console someone, we'll go "sorry?" if we'd like someone to repeat themselves, there's even the sorry-not-sorry. He'll figure it out eventually! I like @MrsSRS: 's suggestion to help him find the right words.
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@Mama Bird: such great points! Thank you!
@LadyDi: glad to hear it’s common!!
@2littlepumpkins: great idea about telling his teacher!
@agold: uhh that’s adorable!!
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My 3 year old has started saying sorry more often and not always in appropriate situations. It makes me feel bad too but I try to clarify when needed and acknowledge when he uses it correctly.
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Are you Canadian? We tend to be like that
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@wrkbrk: haha! Me too...nothing is ever my fault!
LO only says “I’m sorry” if he hurts me and I have to legit point out that he hurt me and he only really says it if it’s a consequence of something he knows he knows he shouldn’t do. That must be how they teach it at daycare.
At home, I will say sorry to LO followed by an explanation of the action/ reason and then an apology. Example LO sees stars during a clothes change. “I’m sorry I squeezed your face when trying to take off your shirt, I didn’t mean to hurt you.”
For other things, when “excuse me” is more appropriate or a version of “repeat yourself please” I model that so he will too.
I do find myself wanting an apology sometimes from LO for bad behavior like throwing his toys directly at framed art hanging on the wall. But I don’t say “say sorry!”
@Mama Bird: I agree we as adults can use “sorry” too much if we’re not careful. @MrsSRS: I like making an “oops” a teachable moment.
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@Mrs. Lemon-Lime: thanks so much! I’ve started implementing some different phrases and strategies and he’s picking up on them quickly!!
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@MsMini: Hahahah nope! Raised in (Way) Upstate NY though!
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