Hi everyone,
Anyone have any advice on how to handle parental separation as an adult?
More specifically, how to handle events that both parents would normally attend (a wedding, birthday, graduation etc) How do you balance the time spent/where does everyone sit?
I have such an event coming up and it's been extremely stressful to handle 
It is made more difficult by a relatively one-sided separation situation and lots of continual hope-smashing on the other side.
pear / 1852 posts
My parents divorced when I was five, so tempers had cooled...
But when we got married mom got her pew, and dad got his.
Most other occasions dad is not at, but it's because he's a trucker and is out of town a lot.
kiwi / 673 posts
Ugh. It blows. My parents divorced when I was in grad school and DH's divorced when we were in high school. I think it really depends on the situation. His parents had a messy divorce. We still keep everything separate for them. If they have to be at an event together we try to keep them as separate as possible. I'm not sure about the time balancing aspect with them. We've never figured it out. I guess we just excuse ourselves and go to the other side?
My parents divorced more amicably, which doesn't seem like your situation. When they are at an event and I need to go between the two, I just let the other one know. Usually, there's no problems.
We also have an event like that coming up. It sucks. But I've given up worrying about this stuff. Someone always ends up mad no matter what I do. Good luck 
ETA: Seating is usually separate for DH's family. My family is a bit more flexible. If possible I stick my family in the middle of the two. For example, at our wedding MIL's family was separated from FIL's family by my family, whose separate tables were next to each other.
clementine / 950 posts
@Hoots: @Mrs. D: Thanks ladies
Ugh it just feels like everyone is mad. Probably this is related to this being fairly new and this is the first situation like this I've had to encounter! And they have to be at the same table and with other members of our extended family which makes everything even more awkward.
persimmon / 1436 posts
My parents split up more than 20 years ago and it gets better but sometimes I still have to say "you're adults and you need to get along."
We do not do separate events at our house but we will stop by their houses separately. They do still live in the same small city. My mom gets the majority of overnight visits since her space is bigger.
pomegranate / 3764 posts
My parents are in their early 50s and separated at the beginning of the year. It's fine for us, and we're just trying to support them both how they need it - a bit harder for the kids to understand. G knows that it's now 'Nanna's house' or 'Poppy's house' but yeah... it's tricky. We haven't done big events yet really, but I am hoping it's been amicable enough to still have everyone together. We'll see.
pomegranate / 3192 posts
My parents split up when I was in university. Thankfully we didn't have many big events to deal with, but they both came to my wedding. They say at different tables and didn't talk much. Is there any way your parents could sit at different tables? Seems sort of unfair to have them at the same table...
cherry / 245 posts
@fuzzypeaches: my parents got divorced when I was in my early 20's... I try to keep them separate because I get too stressed out otherwise. On occasions where they will both be there (for example in the hospital when my daughter was born), they try to be respectful of my sisters and I and give a very wide berth.
pear / 1558 posts
My parents separated when I was in my late 20s. Strangely enough we all still get together for special occasions & my parents even help each other out with various things. I hadn't expected this amicable relationship to continue, but I really do love it--mostly because I don't have to split my time as much between them.
I hope things get easier for you & your family. Can you ask each of your parents how they'd prefer you seat them/split your time? I certainly don't think they sound like they'd be up for being seated together yet at this point.
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