I have found out with all 3 of my boys, and with this being my last one, I would like to try something different but I'm so afraid I'll have gender disappointment if he is another boy that I will not be able to connect with him. Any advice, insight?
I have found out with all 3 of my boys, and with this being my last one, I would like to try something different but I'm so afraid I'll have gender disappointment if he is another boy that I will not be able to connect with him. Any advice, insight?
pomegranate / 3791 posts
My SIL did; it was their second and last, and she had herself completely convinced that it was a girl. She's always add on something about how she would be thrilled with another boy too, but she really felt like it was a girl. Well, it wasn't a girl. And yeah, it did seem to affect the initial bonding a bit. I mean, obviously she got over it pretty quickly and loves him to death, but I've seen the pictures her mom took of the look on her face when baby was born and she found out he was a boy. It wasn't great.
Meanwhile, I went through the same exact disappointment (we were pregnant at the same time, both ended up being a second boy), but I found out at my ultrasound. I do think she probably got over her gender disappointment quicker than I did since he was there in her arms. But for me, I wanted absolutely no disappointment in the moment I met my child - I'd rather go through it beforehand.
coconut / 8279 posts
@wonderstruck: my husband had a really abusive and traumatic childhood (the only men that were in his life were criminals) and really wanted a girl. We found out at the ultrasound we were having a boy and I'm glad we did. He went to a few therapy sessions and was excited for our boy by the time I gave birth. It would've been really hard to be TG.
wonderful grape / 20453 posts
@rachiecakes: I had a few therapy sessions after finding out i was having a boy this time around. After having a younger brother pass away and being in a similar situation as my parents where we had a girl first, then a boy, I have been told for years that boys are cursed/doomed in my family, I needed to work some of that out before he got here. It was incredibly helpful and helped me disassociate
pomegranate / 3212 posts
I've worried about this. I have two boys and have insane baby girl fever. I worry about gender disappointment when , God willing, we have a third. I also can't figure out which would be worse- finding out at birth or 20 weeks... So no advise, just commiseration?
*obviously we want healthy babies and that's the most important. Just wanted to note...
GOLD / wonderful pea / 17697 posts
I had a flash of disappointment at delivery...I was SO sure it was going to be a girl. But it really was just a flash of "Huh, I thought you'd be a girl!" and then it was over because oh-my-god-there's-a-baby-in-my-arms.
That said, the last lady McK born to this family will be 79 in November (lonnng string of boys!), and this will be both our last baby and the last child born into this generation, so we're probably going to find out ahead of time this time, just so we can prepare all of the family members that are praying for a girl (and to get any disappointment D and I might feel out of the way before it gets here).
wonderful pear / 26210 posts
I was worried that I was wrong on my intuition, I had several dreams about my boy, so I was kind of worried that I'd start things off on the wrong foot if it turned out to be a girl...more superstition than anything, I think.
grapefruit / 4321 posts
I tink if there are extenuating circumstances like @rachiecakes: and @blackbird: mentioned then it definitely makes sense to find out early and have time to work through things.
But if it's just your average case of "I have a boy and I want a girl now" I think finding out at the birth is the best option. Because really, who has a disappointment when they are holding their brand new healthy baby in their arms?
blogger / watermelon / 14218 posts
I ONLY went team green because I did not have a gender preference so I knew gender disappointment would not be a factor. If you're worried you might experience it, I would find out if I were you. I couldn't trust myself to not feel a tinge of disappointment as one of the first emotions when my baby is born...!!
blogger / pineapple / 12381 posts
I have two friends who really wanted a girl after two boys. Both had third boys and it took weeks of coping to gear up. I think it makes sense in that case to find out early to get yourself in the right frame of mind. You can still do a really fun celebration after finding out.
pomegranate / 3565 posts
If you think you may be disappointed I would find out early. I would just want happy thoughts at birth!
I have two boys and we are planning on a 3rd. A healthy baby is most important, but I won't lie I probably will be slightly disappointed if the third is a boy (I tell myself it will be a boy because it seems like we just make boys). But it will last a second like it did when I find out #2 was a boy.
pomelo / 5084 posts
@lovehoneybee: Gaa it's so awful when family has expectations about something you absolutely cannot control!!!!
nectarine / 2821 posts
We found out the gender, because my SO really wanted a boy and he needed to find out ahead so he could "get used to the idea". That really didn't sit well with me, although I know he would have been happy with a healthy baby either way, we didn't have to make sure of that fact since we had a boy! I was disappointed losing out on my surprise ("It's a...!" is totally romanticized in my head and I couldn't even decide if I wanted a girl or boy more). The funny thing is now, if/when we have another, I was planning to put my foot down about being surprised... but now I might be disappointed if we didnt have a girl! And my husband feels the same way now!
pomelo / 5607 posts
We were TG originally last time, but chose to find out once we knew the baby had issues. Now, having lost a girl, we chose to find out as early as possible (through the genetic screening) this time, because I needed more time to process. I would absolutely have been sad if it was a boy, after having been all geared up for a girl last time. I didn't want to be dealing with any of that once LO was actually here. I agree that if there's any concern on your part that you'll be disappointed, I would find out early.
GOLD / wonderful pea / 17697 posts
@wrkbrk: I know! It's so much pressure for something I can't deliver! But we know boys, and I know they'll be just thrilled with another boy...it just might take a minute to get over the disappointment of no girl this generation!
pomelo / 5093 posts
This is specifically why I find out. I knew I would be disappointed if my second and final child was also a girl, and surprise, she is and I was. At 29 weeks I've had my feelings, and now I'm over them. I'm really glad I had that chance and can now go into my birth with nothing but excitement.
pineapple / 12053 posts
i think i could go TG for this baby because we really don't care either way, but i also like knowing as it helped me bond with DD last pregnancy, so we're going to find out. if i had a preference, i know in my heart that TG would NOT be for me.
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