We recently had a baby and our four year old has been acting out a lot since. We have come to realize a huge portion of this problem has to do with the amount of one on one time he gets with us, but in particular, my husband. Problem is my husband works somewhere around 55-60 hours a week and is barely around on weekdays when the kiddo is awake. We have already tried to buy more time with dad by having him drive my son to preschool the two days a week he goes, he puts him to bed whenever he is home in time and gets up early in the morning with him. Unfortunately this isn’t the best quality time as we are busy and tired in the morning and the bedtime routine can be too quick at night. I was wondering about the possibility of putting him to bed later so he gets more time with dad but my son has never had much success in adjusting his wake time and we have only had success getting him to sleep later in extreme circumstances. I also worry that on days when we have to get out the door him waking up later might be a hindrance. Anyone shift bedtime like this? How did you do it? Any suggestions?
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@tillma: What about just doing that on Fridays? That way he’s not a mess on Saturday for school and could sleep in a bit if he had to. And you can call it something fun and it’s something for him to look forward to every Friday. I would just do maybe an hour later.
What time is bedtime now?We don’t have an officially “bedtime is later on Fridays” thing but it’s definitely the day we tend to push it a bit. Staying up a little later to watch a movie with popcorn and hot chocolate or he goes to a pajama party at a local center that ends at the time bedtime usually is. I feel way less guilt because I know that the next day he can make up for it and it’s only once a week.
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@SweetiePie: he goes to bed at 6:30 now. He has almost always woken up at 4:30-5:30 (later when daylight savings kicks in) He refuses to nap so we can’t do that to help. We would love for him to get up at 6 or 6:30 but I’m not sure putting him to bed later would accomplish that. I was thinking of trying to do it just a few days but wasn’t sure it would be successful so I’m happy to hear you have made it work!
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@tillma: my 3.5 year old strongly objected in principle to the idea that the baby stayed up later than she did when he first arrived. We were able to time things so that the baby went down around 7, then I did something with her and did her bedtime routine, and then I went back and fed the baby again around 9:30 but she was none the wiser.
But by 4 we also did what we called “late night” where she got to stay up late and watch a movie while the baby went to sleep. We let her pick a special dessert or hot cocoa or popcorn too. Always on a Friday or Saturday. She loved it! But she didn’t sleep any later the next morning...she wasn’t any worse for wear though.
You might want to introduce it as a “prize” for making good choices if you do that kind of thing.
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@tillma: @MamaCate: Yeah, my son rarely sleeps in either on the nights he stays up a little later. I just meant that if we do it on a Friday I for sure don’t have to worry about anything the next day - be it that he sleeps in (rare) and we don’t have anywhere to go, or just that he’ll maybe be a bit more cranky, it’s not like I have to get him to school or worry about his behavior there.
Though he really doesn’t seem to show any signs of being cranky or overtired when he stays up a touch later. It matters more that night than it does the next day. But he also still naps so maybe that helps. -
My son is only 2, but we've always been able to move bedtime if we did it incrementally, by about 15 minutes each day, over the course of a week - and stuck it out. As his bedtime shifts, his wake time normally shifts, too. Again, over the course of the week - there my be 2-3 annoying days where it doesn't work out as well as we'd like.
For most of age 6m-now, he has gone to bed at btwn 7:30-8:30pm, and slept regularly about 11 hours. His most standard time is 8pm to 7am.
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Not your question but have you ever tried using one of those clocks that tells kids when it’s ok to wake? My son used to love our stoplight clock. The trick for us was so set it at first to an attainable time and then slowly shift it every few days until you eventually get to the desired wake up time.
We put our baby to bed at 6:30/7 and our 5 year old down at 7:30. It works well because he gets a little alone time with us without his sister. I think it’s worth a try.
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I am not totally sure how it happened, but it time (like 6 months) we have spent moved ds1's bedtime a but later and now he doesn't wake up until 6-6:30. He's in bed by 7:30-7:45 and asleep by 8-8:30. It's been a game changer. Before when I would move his bedtime it didn't seem to change his wake up time, I think it took months for it to catch up. He still naps most days so that helps
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