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@JMOM: I don't think you have anything to be ashamed of. It sounds like you worked really hard to try to remedy the situation, and other methods just weren't cutting it. Some people don't approve of any sort of elective surgery like that, but I am definitely not one of them. Life is too short, lady.

To answer your question, I'd say that personally, I'd probably keep the info to myself except with close friends/family, or if I felt like I could help someone else in a similar situation.

I think that it would probably be frivolous for me to have a tummy tuck. Because I'm lazy and I just don't want to work out enough to get rid of my pooch. I think that in your case you definitely sought out a non-surgical remedy and it didn't work. There's nothing wrong with moving on to the next solution! I'd probably want to do the same in your situation. I would probably keep it to myself and a small number of very close friends just to not deal with the conversations/potential judgement.

I wouldn't judge a friend for it! Is it frivolous? Well, yeah, kind of...I think pretty much all plastic surgery could be deemed frivolous. But not because you could fix the problem on your own - lots, if not most, of things people have plastic surgery on are things about their physical appearance that bother them that they can't change on their own. But even if it was something you had the power to change on your own and you had chosen the surgery, I still wouldn't judge - your body and money, not mine! I'd probably try to find a different mom's group, because really, who sits around discussing tummy tucks like that?

DH and I talked about this before baby and said that although cosmetic surgery is not my thing, if I need it to feel happy then I need it. Everyone has a different perspective on elective surgery and they don't know your story!

I would not do it but frivolous is in the eye of the beholder. I do plenty of things that are probably in frivolous territory like wear makeup, buy new clothes I don't need, etc.

I don't think you should feel ashamed to have done something frivolous-ish.

There are plenty of things eating right and going to the gym won't fix.
Don't let what others say bother you. You did what was right for you.

If it makes you feel better about yourself then I see nothing wrong with it. Feeling good about yourself only makes you a better person and therefor a better mother.

I don't think they're frivolous, but I also think that whatever anyone chooses to do with their body is none of my business.

Basically, if someone can afford a tummy tuck and it makes them feel better about themselves, then good for them!

DH and I have already started talking about having things put back in place if need be when we're done having kids. It seems pointless given my work schedule to spend a year being unhappy with how I look and spending time at the gym (instead of doing sports that I actually like) when there is a solution that is likely in our budget. I think of it like make-up: yes, if I spent a ton of time on skincare, got facials, avoided all sun, and slept more I probably wouldn't need it, but that's soooo not my life. 3 minutes with Mr. BB cream is a shortcut that I'm happy to take.

Who cares what they think? Who cares if it's frivolous? Lots and lots and lots of things in life are frivolous. Most things we have/do are. It's very easy for people who had physically easy pregnancies and who bounced back to shape quickly after to judge; meh, eff them.

If you want to share with them, do so. If not, I don't think that means you feel guilty or ashamed about your choice. I had 3 finger-width diastasis too, and it took 16 months to fully heal and to get cleared to do *any* ab work at all. 16 months of looking pregnant. It sucked - a lot. I don't buy into the I'm-so-proud-of-my-ruined-body ideal either; I just don't. So, I've definitely thought about a tummy tuck too.

@anagram I am in huge agreement with you.

The old the more you suffer for your children the better mother you are does not ring true to me, I did not quite "get it" until I read Bringing Up Bebe and it put into words what I felt but could never quite grasp. Happy parents have happier children, or at least I would like to think so.

@jmom good for you lady, you do not need to mentally defend yourself. It sounds like you made an awesome choice that made a big difference in you life. In general, I don't think it's some shameful secret, but it's also not really something you have to spill about to a group of new people. Let it go. Enjoy your decision.

If elective surgery would improve my life I would totally do it and feel awesome about my decision. One of my best friends got a gorgeous breast augmentation and now she feels whole, not anything major, just proportionate to her body. Right on.

I think my general, reflexive response (re: all cosmetic surgery) is "yes." Having said that, there are exceptions to every generalization...and it seems like your 3-4 finger diastasis and hernia are a very reasonable exception. As others have said, how much do you really care what we/they think...and want to explain? I think I would treat it like any other sensitive topic (like IF, m/c, whatever)...as in, "is the person I'm telling likely to be sympathetic to me" and "is my telling them likely to be helpful to them in any way (even if that just means that they will be more thoughtful when the discussion strays to certain topics)?". Just my thoughts. Embrace your positive body image!

@MrsH: you worded it better than i could!

i probably wouldn't get one, but i don't have a reason or need and don't have the resources either! your reasons sound plenty legit to me and i would have been eating crow if i were in that group and you dropped that info. thanks for informing me!

I think there is already a ton of great advice here for you, so I just wanted to add my support that I would have done the same thing in your situation and I don't think it's any ones business what you do with your body.

Oh, she must be one of those magical women who work out and have a 6 pack of abs all thanks to diet and exercise post baby. Her skin probably snapped right back with some unicorn dust. So she obviously thinks everyone else's should too

I'm totally planning on getting one. My hard work doesn't seem to do shit for my midsection. I'm so over it.

And honestly? I bet more moms want one but don't want to admit to being "frivolous" in front of the other moms. Heaven forbid you spend a solid chunk of money on yourself to fix the frump I also find that some women are just downright nasty about moms who look good post baby (whether it's exercise or plastic surgery or what)...and a tummy tuck is just easy pickings, I suppose

I think unless someone is in your shoes they won't understand you. I put on so much weight with both my pregnancies which I'm trying to lose but I know no matter how much weight I lose or exercises I do I'll be left with a mess of a stomach. It's shocking. Women who go through pregnancies and are able to get their bodies back are so blessed in my opinion. It's really hard to look into a mirror and see something so different then it used to be. So, more power to you. Don't tell them, it's none of their business but also it's not something everyone can understand unless they've been in your shoes.

If it makes you feel better, then it served a purpose and isn't frivolous. Ironically if you told this same group that you had laser hair removal no one would probably bat an eye even though for most people that's just because they don't want to shave any more. (Ok maybe just me and I want it so bad!)