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Are you done?!

  1. kitty

    apricot / 315 posts

    I am pregnant with number 2 and we always planned for 2, which I'm feeling comfortable with. I have thought a 3rd might be ok if we had tons of money, but imagining my 2 little boys feels pretty perfect 😊 I love my job too so I'm looking forward to when my children are a bit older and I can go back to full time and seek leadership positions.

  2. jhd

    coconut / 8079 posts

    I hope not! We are TTC #2. I can't imagine us with more than 2 though.

  3. mrs.shinerbock

    pomegranate / 3779 posts

    Yes. DH had a vasectomy a few months ago after our second was born. We both thought we wanted more (4+) but the transition from 1 to 2 was so difficult for us, that we decided 2 was good. I would still like to adopt another child or two from foster care, but not until our children are in elementary school.

  4. FaithFertility

    eggplant / 11861 posts

    70-30
    70% more
    30% done
    Hahaha I go back and forth

  5. bloved

    persimmon / 1114 posts

    I'm pretty sure yes. We have two. I always thought I wanted 3 but between my age, infertility and utter exhaustion, I am feeling pretty done (and my husband definitely is feeling finished too). I think I will always want a third, but the desire to stay sane wins out a little more.

  6. MissKriss19

    olive / 55 posts

    We always wanted 2, *maybe* 3. After we had our 2 boys my husband could have been done but I kept thinking we were meant to have another. Now we are expecting a baby girl in the spring and this will for sure be our last

  7. Mae

    papaya / 10343 posts

    I'm pregnant with #2 and I am SUPER DUPER DONE. As soon as this kid is born healthy we're scheduling the big snip. Also if I end up with a RCS I might get my tubes tied. In addition. So done.

  8. wrkbrk

    pomelo / 5084 posts

    Done. Someone on here said something I really liked a few weeks ago which I'll repeat: having DS made us parents, which is what we wanted. Now we have a family and feel done. I am sentimental about never having a newborn again and about DS growing up so fast, but as far as whether I truly want additional children .... no.

  9. birdofafeather

    pineapple / 12053 posts

    not done. we'll have 1 more! (we have two girls now)

  10. 2littlepumpkins

    grapefruit / 4455 posts

    We want more but don't know if we will have another because of money. Our two are super sweet together so I'm glad I had a second, but I could see it going either way now.

  11. LindsayLou

    persimmon / 1322 posts

    We will most likely be done after the baby I'm pregnant with is born this fall. My husband has an 11 year old son, and we have an 18 month old daughter, plus the new baby on the way. I'm one of 3, always hoped to have 3 and would love to have one more after this one. But realistically, we will most likely be done after this one. We've had 4 losses trying to have our daughter and this baby, and I'm not sure how much more we could handle. Financially it would be a stretch. We'd also need a bigger house, we're pushing it with our 1000 sqft house as it is. My husband feels like he's going to be completely done after this baby is born. I don't think I'll feel that way, but I really hope I'm wrong.

  12. AB810

    apricot / 370 posts

    I'm physically done. We have two and DH got a vasectomy after the second was born because I just don't want to ever be pregnant again. However, we're totally open to adoption in the future if/when we decide we want a third. I would actually love to adopt two if finances allowed for it!

  13. Miss Ariel

    nectarine / 2210 posts

    I used to think the perfect number would be 2 girls and 2 boys that way everyone would have a brother and a sister. But dh and I had compromised on a potential 3.

    Now that Ds is here, dh is sure he's done, but I don't know. I will say life is exhausting now and it's hard to imagine doing it again, but I love the idea of a big family. If we have another I wouldn't want it for another 2 years or so which means I have time to decide/change dh's mind.

  14. Miss Ariel

    nectarine / 2210 posts

    @mfa_lady: that would be my ideal spacing too!

  15. JMOM

    apricot / 420 posts

    We're done after 2. After 7 years infertility and 2 miscarriages and some surgeries that would make pregnancy extremely uncomfortable, I have no desire to be pregnant again. Plus I'm over 40 and am not comfortable with the birth defect risk.

  16. sunnyday

    kiwi / 573 posts

    I was totally sure I would never know what done felt like and was absolutely judgey of those that said it because I was sure the "feeling" didn't exist.

    We had a rough plan for four. On our second date joked we'd have six, after our second kid was six weeks we screamed never again, but four days after our third was born we had a conversation (I sobbed happily, lol) and what I had been feeling since she was born....was done.

    Done done done and it's so cool. She's a great baby, maybe because she actually is or we've gotten the hang of this a little (or because our second was so terrible our expectations were very low!!).

    To back up the done feeling, I have zero clue how I would handle another pregnancy physically. Third was tough, lots of new levels of pain and discomfort and not because "I'm chasing around other kids" like everyone says. Delivery scared me. This one came so fast I went into shock. I received three needles into my thighs, and shook for an hour, it was horrific, it reminds me that what if something happened to me or if another baby wasn't healthy that there are already three on the ground that do depend on me and are healthy and I don't want to tempt that fate.

    Lastly, we know no one that has both parents WOH with four and one not working is not an option. Decided that while we could probably "make it work", for all the reasons above....we won't.

  17. GoGoSnoGirl

    pear / 1558 posts

    @wrkbrk: I love that: "having DS made us parents". For us, our DD has felt like enough blessing as we could expect and absolutely that she has made us a family. We are older (over 40), so are pragmatic about knowing she is likely it, though we'd hoped for 2. More recently I've been leaning towards feeling more done, with occasional longing for a 2nd.

  18. youboots

    honeydew / 7622 posts

    Not done. Sometimes I look for my other kid that does not exist yet. Like I have this sense they are there, and am sad when I realize this child does not exist.

    That said we are such a good place with DD and are hoping for a 4-5 year age gap if it did not work out to have another it would be fine. Three is not out of the question but obviously be way down the road.

  19. periwinklebee

    grapefruit / 4466 posts

    @mrskansas: I'll also confess to having the twins fantasy pop into my mind from time to time, just because it seems the most likely way now to have the family I would have ideally liked, given that I'm old and it's been taking us awhile. Of course, it's not likely and I will very happily take one to you.

  20. macintosh

    pear / 1750 posts

    I hope not. After DS was born I though I'd be ok with one and done, but I had kind of a tough pregnancy with lots of nausea. As time goes by and DS gets older, I can't help but miss my little baby and I want to give him a sibling. I also think about how much more confident I feel now as a mom, I know I can handle it.

    Of course money is a factor, so nothing can happen until DS is close to kindergarten age so we won't have 2 in daycare. Luckily we have 4 frozen embryos, so age isn't as much of a factor. I'll be 38 when DS is 5, so I better stay in shape so I have enough energy!

  21. Mrs.Pinecone316

    persimmon / 1316 posts

    This topic honestly stresses me out. I always thought I wanted 3. I was a family with 3 kids and so was my husbands. I like the dynamic of 3 kids. Then we struggled with infertility with my 1st and did IVF and had a little girl. Honestly her alone made me feel complete if we never had another but I didn't want her to be an only child. We miraculously got pregnant naturally with #2. We aren't sure what we are having yet. I want to be done after this. But I always wanted a sister growing up so I would love 2 girls and be done. But I feel like my husband who always wanted 3-4 kids would be more likely to be done if we had a boy this time. He would love another girl but I think he would push for a 3rd if that was the case.

    Reasons I changed my mind on how many.

    1. Money- I can thankfully work very part time now and not need daycare but everything else is so expensive. Sports, activities, college, not to mention all my husbands families live across the country as do our best friends and plane tickets are expensive.

    2. Energy- I am already tired. All the time. 2 kids seems so much more manageable. Errands, play dates, vacations. When I see people out with 3 kids it just looks like too much for me.

    3. Age- I am going to be 33. If we started younger maybe 3 would have been easier.

  22. mamainthesun

    apricot / 356 posts

    We've always said we wanted three! We both each have three siblings and like the dynamic of a bigger family !
    I'm pregnant with ds2 now. So I think we will probably have another one in a few years but I still want to see how well we handle two kids first!

  23. winniebee

    hostess / wonderful grape / 20803 posts

    This will be my last pregnancy, even if god forbid it doesn't end well again.

    We always wanted 2 for sure, maybe 3. When DS2 was 9m I got pregnant when we were trying to avoid. Lost the pregnancy (as well as four more pregnancies after that, including a late term loss). After that I said I was done. But ultimately we didn't want our story to end with such heartbreak. So, I'm now 23 weeks pregnant with another boy. I'm almost 37 and my body has nothing left to give after this! I'm so looking forward to bringing this baby home with us, but also looking forward to moving past the baby days and all of the adventures that lie ahead!

  24. bubblegum

    pear / 1717 posts

    I'm loving everyone's posts. It really gives great perspective on what everyone deems as the perfect family, the heartbreak some moms went through and continue to go through to get their family, and in all just how you feel.

  25. SweetiePie

    honeydew / 7463 posts

    We have one and I feel pretty done (failed IVF rounds for #2 contributed to that). My husband definitely wants another though.

  26. bushelandapeck

    pomelo / 5720 posts

    We have two and are on the fence about a third. Well, I guess I'm on the fence as DH is pretty clear he wants another (he's 1 of 3). I'm 36 and our kiddos are 4.5 and almost 2.5 so the clock is ticking for us to decide. I feel like I could go either way so we shall see!

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