I know that this is not a happy topic, and luckily, this issue is just a hypothetical issue for me, although I do admit I am slightly overly anxious about this. These days, it seems like so many things can be dangerous, such as chemicals in food, water, the air we breath, etc. I'm starting my 7th week and am paranoid/scared because I just so badly want to have a healthy baby. I do not have any health issues myself so I shouldn't be as worried as I am, or so I tell myself - I'm in my late 20's. Did you or are you worried about this issue, and hypothetically, if you discovered a serious issue, would you terminate the pregnancy? I guess I worry about what others would think of me in either situation, if I terminated, or if I had a "defective" child and how others would judge me as if it were (possibly) my fault. I don't know how I'd live with myself either way. 
Just wanted to see if anyone had any insight, or thoughts on this matter. Thanks.
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I think about it every now and again, but since my NT scan, I know my risk is low. However, other things could happen that I don't know about and can't prevent. I'm just worried about keeping myself healthy during the pregnancy in hopes that it keeps baby healthy.
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I was also worried, and also with little reason to be. As for a decision to terminate the pregnancy, I don't think people should be able to judge you if they've never been in those shoes.
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i'm definitely worried about that. but so far, at 22 weeks, all tests point to healthy babies. i would definitely keep my babies no matter what, unless it's so serious, they have 0% survival rate. =T
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I think worrying about having a healthy baby is part of the deal with being pregnant! It's what pregnant women do. All you can do is keep making healthy choices for you and your baby.
In terms of serious issues where termination is something to consider, I think every family needs to make the best choices for THEIR family and anyone else who is so insensitive/arrogant/out of line to pass judgement on others forced to make that choice should get st#ffed.
Try not to worry too much!
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I am not really worried about it. Not just because I don't think it will happen but because I know that if it happened it would be in God's hands and he would help us get through it. Also, what do you consider serious enough to terminate for? (I am just curious, I don't mean to be judgmental or anything)
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I think about it fairly often, because I work in NICU, and see sick babies/babies with issues every day. I am not AS worried about birth defects as premature labour/delivery, delivery complications that cause brain damage etc (the stuff I see more often). I just try my best to trust my baby, my body, and my OB to do everything as well as it can be done. I will feel a lot better after my anatomy scan at 20 weeks, because that is when most deformities/issues are found. I do feel better knowing my good NT scan results, unfortunately, you don't know how it will go until after you deliver.
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I was (am) worried about serious birth defects/issues. After my Nt scan and the great results, I feel much less nervous. You can try to limit your exposure to those things known or suspected to cause birth defects, but that's also something you cannot control.
To answer your other question, had we found out about a serious or terminal birth defect, yes, I would terminate. My husband and I have discussed this in depth and know what decisions are best for our family, depending on circumstances.
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our first baby was born with trisomy 18. we did all the normal tests throughout the pregnancy and everything showed normal. The nt scan, as well as all bloodwork also was in the low risk range so we chose not to do the amnio. my water broke at 33 weeks and we went to our hospital. i was there for 24 hours and during that time they did extensive ultrasounds and monitoring. they then found some abnormalities with the heart and other measurements also were a bit off. the doctors decided to contact a different hospital, where the top neonatal cardiologist was and they then transferred me there. our baby was born the next day and bloodwork was done, which then, came back that he had trisomy 18. we were able to spend 9 months with our baby before he became an angel.
i am glad i did not know throughout the entire pregnancy that anything was wrong. this gave me a chance to really enjoy being pregnant with our baby and not worry about him. i really don't know what we would have decided to do if we had found out earlier in the pregnancy about his condition. i don't think i would have terminated the pregnancy but i'm not sure, which is why i'm glad i didn't know to not have had to make such a decision.
when he was first born, i didn't know how to talk to anyone about it, nor did i want to talk to anyone about it. however, the hospital we were at and the nicu staff were so helpful and supportive, that it made things so much easier. i think at first i felt ashamed that i had a baby with a defect but being there and having the staff's support, as well as my husband's and family's, made me more accepting. it also made me cherish the little time i had to spend with him.
we are now currently pregnant with our second baby and it is/was so stressful from worrying about if there will be something wrong again. this time around we did the amnio, as well as extensive ultrasounds, as well as cardio ultrasounds and at 36 weeks, all is fine, yet i think until the baby is actually born, we will continue to worry about any defects or abnormalities.
sorry for such a long post.
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@mynoahbear: Thanks for sharing your sad but brave experience.. its important for people to know that the NT scans and all birth defect screens are not 100% conclusive. They might tell you that your maybe is high risk for a birth defect and the baby ends up being born healthy, and vice versa.
As a religious person I just pray for the best and try not to worry too much about it since it is out of my control -
@mynoahbear: I followed your blog and thank you for sharing your story!
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I think we all worry at least once in awhile, and until you actually have the baby, you'll still worry, but you have to just let the pregnancy progress naturally and deal with any issues that come up when you get back test results. Worrying just stresses you out, which stresses the baby, which is not really a good thing. I know its hard, until I had my 20 week ultrasound, I was worried about MC and defects too.
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I have a PhD in Molecular Biology and studied embryonic development in grad school. Knowing what I know about how complicated it all is, I honestly find it amazing that it ever happens the right way!
That said, I take my folic acid, I don't smoke, don't drink, and hope for the best. There's not much you can control even though so much info geared towards pregnant women would make you think you can. It seems like so many women are driving themselves crazy trying to control every aspect- as if that non-organic apple is going to harm their pregnancy.
There's not much we can control. Mistakes of genetics are not within our power to change.
Before we started TTCing, my husband and I had a frank conversation about what we would do if faced with certain situations- Down Syndrome, other chromosomal abnormalities, birth defects, etc.
While I knew that we couldn't be certain until confronted with the actual situation, I wanted us to be on the same page. I made it clear to him that the only situation in which I could see myself terminating a pregnancy was if there was no chance of the baby surviving outside the womb. Other than that, I would accept my child however he/she was. He agreed with me.
We've been blessed that everything was A-OK with our daughter (who is almost 2) and so far all looks well with our second (due in May).
My advice- don't get yourself worked up over things you can't control. Do your best, within reason, to keep yourself and baby healthy- follow your practitioners advice, take your folic acid, don't smoke/drink, wear your seat belt, etc.
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Personally, I was worried a lot at the beginning, until I remembered that I really have no control and it's not in my hands. Also, according to my doctor friend, there's not a ton you can do to "cause" a birth defect (usually it's a problem from conception), so don't stress about that. To answer your question regarding termination: If we found out our baby had a birth defect, there is no way we would have terminated the life of our little girl. We are going to have her and love her no matter what.
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@artbee: Agreed.
I am TERRIFIED of birth defects because I just found out I'm a Tay Sachs carrier and my hubby is in an at risk population too (though a different one).
@erinpye: This helps. A lot. -
I worried a lot about autism. I teach and see a lot of kids with it and it freaked me out. I eventually calmed down, but it was rough at first. I'm sure if I didn't teach, I wouldn't have worried so much.
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@MsMamaBear: I agree--the more you see the more you worry. I have too many friends with disabled children and know a couple who's sweet daughter died of Tay Sachs, so it makes it more scary and more realistic.
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Unfortunately I freaked myself out pretty bad researching rare birth defects.
I saw this one where the eyes are completely solid red and the skin has huge cracks and scaliness, and honestly this poor baby looked like some kind of alien monster. My heart just broke for it and it's parents, but then I started imagining the horror of birthing that baby, looking down expecting to see a normal healthy baby and instead being shocked and scared and horrified at what you've just created.I had to stop looking at these pictures and remind myself of the rarity, and get this out of my head to avoid stressing myself out and tensing up in fear during pregnancy and birth.
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@pastemoo: so sorry to hear that! We were at risk too because my hubby and I are both Jewish, but luckily I'm not a carrier. That must be pretty scary, hopefully your hubby isn't a carrier too so you won't have to worry about it.
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@artbee: Thanks! Yeah, I'm Jewish and he's French Canadian.
And I feel bad for my brother because his SO is Cajun-- all the same incidence of Tay Sachs, so he's going to get tested long before they start TTC.
I'm trying very hard to just not worry about it. Statistics don't help. Usually I LOVE statistics and can calm myself with them, but now I cannot. -
@pastemoo: I don't know the statistics, but I do know a couple who were both carriers. Their first baby did have tay sachs and they ended up aborting him, it was pretty awful. But on their next try they got a perfectly healthy baby boy. Our insurance didn't didn't cover the test before I got pregnant, but I knew I'd try for a baby either way.
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@artbee: Yeah, it's pretty awful no matter how it goes. My friends who had a Tay Sachs baby--she lived to be 3, and she was blind, deaf, couldn't sense touch... it was AWFUL. I can't imagine how to even take care of a child like that. She was so sweet, and then her body ate her from the inside over the course of 2.5 years.
I don't know what I would do at all. I'm just hoping we don't have to worry about it.Right now I'm trying to be calm and relaxed as much as possible, because there is NOTHING I CAN DO about it.
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@pastemoo: I meant it was awful about her situation, not that she aborted her baby. Don't want you to think I would judge for that because honestly that's probably what I also would have done in her shoes. But like you said, hopefully you won't have to worry about it!
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I wouldn't abort if our child had a defect. I like to say that I don't worry & day to day I really try not to, but I always have nightmares for 2-3 days before my appointments of mis-carrying or them saying that they couldn't find the baby's heartbeat or something, so I guess those speak louder than me claiming I don't. But those also aren't really worries related to defects, so I guess I really worry more about the baby sticking in there than I do about defects
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@katdevargas: I think it's very normal to worry about miscarrying. It is very scary.
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I think it's natural to worry. That's why when asked if you want a boy or a girl almost all parents say they just want a healthy baby.
ALso, I agree with Cyndistar3--God is ultimately in control and I would be thankful and love my child no matter what.
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