So, my husband's cousin has a 13-year-old boy named Tate. I absolutely LOVE the name and think it would be great with our daughter's name, Quinn. We see them about once every 5 years (they live in So Cal and we're in Oregon), but are fairly close to DH's aunt and uncle who live locally (Tate is their grandson). This name would be my #1 or 2 choice for either a boy or a girl. Definitely #1 for a boy. Do you think it would be totally rude and unacceptable to ask if we can use it? If so, what other boy names can you throw at me to get my mind off of Tate? 
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I don't think it's rude at all! I also wouldn't ask for permission because it's frankly not needed. But if your close with the family and want to give them a heads up, you could tell them how excited you are that they'll be a big Tate and a little Tate in the family. I know people feel ownership of names, but it's just not that big of a deal - I have 2 cousins with the same name that were born within a year of each other and it was never an issue.
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I don't think it's rude to ask, but if you love it, I wouldn't bother asking either. My cousin named their son the same name I used. The two Logans are second-cousins. It's not a big deal that they have the same name!
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I think it's completely okay to ask - especially if it's a name that's not super common, but not unique either. My cousin named her child a unique name and was seriously peeved that another cousin used the same name. That one was understandable annoying, because then family members got confused.
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I don't think you need to ask permission at all! Once you're sure, I would just message them (if you're close) or if you see them, tell them with confidence. I had a in law cousin excitedly tell me, we love your name so we're picking it for our kid. The kid isn't named after me but it was flattering that they liked it!
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Alternatives that come to mind are Taye, Todd, and Nate.
Two of my first cousins named their daughters names that I love. If given the opportunity I would use one of the girl's names because I rarely see the cousin or my uncle and never met the girl. I'm not sure I would use Tate in your case because of how close you are to your aunt and uncle. ETA: even if you use it, you certainly don't need their permission.
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I don't think you need to ask. You don't see them that often, it's not going to be confusing, and also nobody owns a name!
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Another vote for no permission needed.
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If it were me I'd like a heads up but agree with the pps you don't necessarily need permission. Especially since the kid is older I think they'll be flattered. This happened to my parents and I think it's pretty cool that my younger cousin (by about five years) and I share a name!
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The biggest thing I would warn you about this is if you ask and they say NO, then you are obligated to not use the name. If you really love the name and dont care what they think, then dont ask.
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In looking at it from the perspective of the other family, I think it might be awkward to be asked permission. Can you really say "no" to that question? But if a cousin came to me and said, "We really love DS's name and plan to use it if this baby is a boy," I would likely be thrilled and honored. So, I say, no need to ask permission - but I do think letting them know directly would be kind and appreciated! ETA: I adore the name Tate
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Cute name! I wouldn't even ask--what if they said no and you still really wanted to use it? I feel like that would be far worse than never asking at all.
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I do love the idea of presenting it with confidence (sandwiched in a compliment about how much you love the name). They'll be honored, I'm sure!!
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I know there can be drama around this so I would personally give a heads up after you find out the gender - like a courtesy email. "Hey we are so excited to be welcoming our son/daughter and we have decided on the name Tate. I just thought you would like to know prior to him/her arriving."
I have a friend with a name I love- I asked her if it was weird to use her name (we have gone to school together since middle school) ultimately DH vetoed since he has known her that long too and could not that name as anyone but her.
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I wouldn't ask. If you feel like they could possibly get offended, then I think you should give them a heads up.
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Don't ask. If you really love the name, use it. Also, I named my son Tate and I love the name sooo much. .It fits him and I love that it works for a little boy, a teenager, an adult, and an old man. From one Tate mom to another, use the name if you love it!!
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I probably wouldn't ask. Because if they do mind, would they tell you that or just secretly resent you anyway? I would not care if anyone used my girls names, I mean preferably not people we'd see all the time to avoid confusion but otherwise I think it's fine!
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I don't think you need permission either. That said, I know a little girl named Tatum and adore it.
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I agree no permission needed! I gave my daughter the same name as someone we know and I let them know we were considering it, because it's an unusual/uncommon name so I thought it would be a little weird to just "show up" with it. But not because I felt like I needed their approval.
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I don't know if this is the same, but names can be touchy. My DH is a "4th". His middle name is what we were planning on calling our son (if we ever had one, which we are in the winter). It's a unique name. I randomly heard my sister in law talking one day about what they were naming the third boy. She had "taken" this name. I was beyond ticked; so was he. I know names don't "belong" to anyone, but this one sort of did because my husband is Harry Hudson York the 4th (I totally made that name up by the way but you get the gist) and his son would be the 5th.
I probably would have been less annoyed if she at least had mentioned it it to my husband seeing as it was actually his name
Spoiler: they ended up naming their kid something else. -
@T.H.O.U.: I was about to leave this comment as well. If you ask and the other family feels strongly that you don't use the name, it could cause an issue if you decide to anyway.
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We like the name of my husband's second cousin's son. We are closer than the relationship implies- more like his first cousin and we see them several times a year. We were still debating the name on the drive to the hospital but then ended up having a girl! Like in your case the other kid was a teenager so I feel like that's even more ok- there would not be confusion- "Tate started driving, applying to colleges, using the potty, etc" It would be very obvious. And I'm sure older boys don't care about that kind of stuff.
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After my second was born (and named) we learned that he shares his name with the teenage son of one of my husband's cousins. Obviously we are not close to this cousinsince we didn't know her kid's name before we used it, but even if I did know, I would have used it anyway.
My husband's aunt (the teen's grandmother) mentioned it in her card to us, but otherwise people don't seem to care.
If you love the name, I wouldn't cross it off for this.
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My husbands cousin, who lives in the town 2 hours away from us, and we see maybe 1-2 times a year, named their son my DS's name within a year or so after my DS was born.
I took it as a compliment. It is a great classic name, is in the top 20 so we had no illusions that he would meet someone else with his name, and it is not like we hang out weekly. It is not a family name either, although DS does share a middle name with both his male first cousins.
In your case I would use it if you want, not ask, and maybe give them a heads up. This new baby's mom made some comment about the names being the same when I saw her and I told her I thought it was great.
I just bought it might help to hear the other side.
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@CatchAFallingStar: I have the same first and middle name as my the daughter of my mom's bf (who is only 1 month older than me) and no one has even mentioned It! Definitely use if you love it.
P.S. what about the name Reeve for a boy or girl?
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My son and my cousin's son have the same name (granted in its full form it is my father's and our mutual grandfather's name as well). But it's never been an issue.
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