Hellobee Boards

It'd been an awful day with our newborn, and I was standing in line for fast food because I was too exhausted to cook. A group of young college students (well, I'm only 29) stood nearby, apparently a little tipsy.

Girl: hey, did you brush your hair today?
Me: Uh, yeah. It's just been a rough day.
Girl's Friend: Be careful, Chloe! You're looking into your future there!
Girl: No way! *they all laugh*

I was at church tonight with my mom and Chloe.

A group of older women, who know my mom, said they couldn't believe she had such a young little girl. Chloe.

One lady rubbed my belly and said to me, "and who are you?!"
I said, "I'm ____, Chloe's mom. That's (pointing) my mom!" and they were *shocked*!!!

For crying out loud.. Did she think I was the pregnant babysitter?

"Are you sure they aren't conjoined?"

Same lady who asked me what I'd do if they were albino. What do you mean, what would I do?? Um, love them just the same as if they weren't albino? What the heck.

This was the latest...

Neighbor: "Oh wow! You must be due soon!"
Me: "I'm due in December."
Neighbor: "December?? How far along are you??"
Me: "Uh... 5 months..."
Neighbor: "You look HUGE for 5 months!!!"

@twodoghouse: as though you'd miss them being conjoined..

She's so beautiful. She looks nothing like you.

I really appreciated that one.

My in-laws came to visit us the first time after LO was born / was maybe 3 months old. They stayed for a few days and finally got ready to leave.

FIL nodded and said to me as if he were my boss, Irene, thank you for taking care of _______ (LO's name).

It really rubbed me the wrong way. Am I the nanny hired to take care of his grandson? Thank you for thanking me on taking care of my own child.

When I was 25 weeks pregnant:
Cashier: Is this your second baby?
Me: No...unless you count my pets (I was at Feeder's Supply).
Cashier: Oh wow, you are so big for 25 weeks.
Me: I have a short Torso.

At 29 weeks pregnant (at Homearama):
Host: Hi, welcome to House 4. Please don't go into labor in our house.
Me: I am NOT that far along!
(This same host told the pregnant lady behind me that the tours were starting upstairs, as long as she could make it up there).

35 weeks pregnant:
Coworker: Gosh, aren't you tired of being fat?

I flew alone with LO this week and it went really well, until our whole plane's worth of luggage didn't show up. I was so relieved that my parents could park the car and come in to help me. I was waiting in line to report the lost luggage inside the baggage claim office when LO started throwing a fit outside. A woman behind me in line looked at LO said to everyone loudly, "Geez, just what I need right now." It made me want to bring LO and her tantrum inside the office. Instead I just turned around and informed that woman that the toddler's luggage was lost too.

My favorite line from the newborn days was FIL remarking that I should be able to do something because "it's not like you had stitches". I believe he meant because I had a vaginal birth. I replied that I had plenty of stitches. MIL told me that was inappropriate.

@Boheme: ugh, I got this one A LOT. I was always temped to snap back "well my OB and several ultrasounds prove differently, but golly, maybe you're right!".

I've thankfully avoided many peanut gallery comments but the one I've gotten recently that made me SMH was my SMIL who commented about a cousin's c-section (knowing I had a c-section too): "it's so sad she had to have a c-section, since she's so healthy." What does that even mean?

@Bao: Ahahahaha wtf?

From an old man in a hot tub to DH when I was 8 months pregnant:

"she is going to have a boy, because her hips are spread wide like a filly's."

@Skadi: that's so mean!

In McDonalds while eating a Supersized BigMac Meal, and LO was enjoying a bottle (of pumped BM, but that's beside the point):

Lady: You know you might as well just feed your baby poison, right? Do you have any idea how many chemicals are in that?

Me: Well, we're in McDonalds, so I'd imagine the bottle is the least of our worries.

I was chatting to my MIL on the phone last night about my last few days at work before 1). I move country and 2). become a SAHM. I said "oh I will need to get my head around the weekend days being Sat/Sunday again (the weekend is Friday/Sat in the Middle east). My MIL replied 'well every week will be one long weekend for you from now on'. She was totally serious. LOL.

"Have you been on that lately?" (referring to exercise bike)
Just in case I didn't get it, she continues, "It doesn't look like you've been on that thing since 2008."

"How old are you?" Asked by members of my group (I just went back to school). I make them guess.
"25". When I say how old I am, they proceed to ask to see my ID.

I want to keep playing!

When I was 34 weeks with Chloe, a grocery store employee told me they weren't equipped to deliver babies in a grocery store.

Another woman, same day/store, told me I must be having a girl because my hips are so wide.

With this pregnancy, my SIL asked if we were rooting for a boy or a girl. We said it doesn't matter, we'd be thrilled either way. And she replied, "well what if it's a hermaphrodite?" Who in the fuck says that to a pregnant lady??

'Ohhh, well you can try for a boy next time.' when I excitedly told an acquaintance we were having a girl.

@JerricaBenton: oh! Man I got that yesterday too. From the same old church lady who thought Chloe was my moms kid.

She told me she had 5 girls before she got her boy, so if I just keep trying it's bound to happen.

Some of these...I can't even.

The only thing I can think of was when I told FIL when I was just barely pregnant that I was glad I had quit smoking a year prior. He replied "Well (DHs mother) smoked with both of her pregnancies and around the kids and they turned out just fine"

I don't think he remembered that my MIL died because of smoking.

@Foodnerd81: haha that reminds me. When lo1 was four days old, I saw my neighbor. He said, "is that your nephew?" I replied no, I had the baby. He said, looking at my belly,

"you had the baby? Really?"

Also this one from my mom, when I mentioned we might look for a nanny,

"do you really think there are that many people out there looking for a job?"