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I THINK I'm starting CD1 which would be fantastic timing wise for our vacation! It would mean I'd get to start my clomid cycle this time. But I am concerned that my LP has been 9 days and now 8 days since the last miscarriage. Is that typical?
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@travellingbee: How many cycles past are you? It took me three or four before my cycles found a new normal.
My weekend was alright, but my visit home got cut short because of stupid snow and ice. I had to leave earlier than expected yesterday morning to get home before the roads were bad (glad I did, as one road I take closed later in the day).
I'm losing my shit over our house though. Everything is in SUCH disarray and there's not a single room that's anywhere near being done. I just need ONE space that's not in shambles and couldn't figure out how to make that happen. My anxiety is seriously growing.
DH has two days off in a row again this week, so I'm hoping we can talk about it and about how I'd like one room finished soon. All our clothes are in our guest room (we had to empty our master closets for painting...and the painter left and it needs another coat) and I can't find anything I need
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@MaryM: I'm starting my third cycle today. And we are moving forward with a monitored Clomid IUI cycle. There's not a ton of hope that in my situation this will be the magic bullet, but I'm still so hopeful!
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@MaryM: your niece sounds adorable! Sorry you had to cut your visit short! The snow/ice is messing up all kinds of plans. I hate it! Moving sucks! I don't know any good way around the boxes and mess moving involves!
@DesertDreams88: Yay for an earlier O! DH and I had the problem of getting tired of each other when we were TTC before. The month I got my BFP, I O'd earlied than I was expecting and it was certainly nice to not be dreading BDing!
@jaguar: Love having a cycle buddy! Any updates on your next steps?
@travellingbee: Yay for CD1! I don't have any advice regarding LP but fingers crossed for this vacation cycle!
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AFM, not much is new. Today is CD4 and the clear blue advanced says I should start testing on CD10. DH is working from 3pm - 1am every weekday. I get up at 7:30 and leave at 8:30 for work. Not sure how stressful fitting in BD is going to be but right now we are both on the same page about making it a priority.
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@HappyBluebird: I usually pray that fertile week falls on a weekend so that when DH is sleeping in, I can wake him up in the afternoon or we can fit it in before he leaves for work. It is really hard to figure things out with such opposite schedules.
Would you mind if DH woke you up when he came to bed? Or would he be willing to wait up until closer to the time you get up for work? We've done both a couple times.
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@MaryM: Unfortunately, if all goes as it has been, O day will be on a Thursday! But we've made a tentative "plan" for that week to either wake up early before I go into work or I'll just wake up when he gets home depending on how tired he is. I'm sure we'll figure it out one way or another.
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@HappyBluebird: I hope your cycles end up working out so that you're in your fertile time on weekends soon. That was SO MUCH easier! (and more fun)
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@travellingbee: My LP did not shorten, which I think is because I was taking a prenatal with a lot of B vitamins in it, which I've heard can help out your LP. Do you think by any chance it is low progesterone? Did you get that checked with your losses? Like @marym, my cycles were off-kilter for about 3 months after.
@marym and @happybluebird: wow, no advice here, i can't imagine having such different schedules, kudos to you for making the best of it! DH and I are both teachers, which works out well most of the time, except for really busy weeks such as the end of the quarter or conference week. This cycle I O-ed during conferences, but we had good timing.
@happybluebird: I think I missed this but its hard to view multiple pages on my phone, how long is this schedule going to last for your husband?
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@DesertDreams88: I did get it checked twice and it was good. I dunno. Stuff's just messed up post- miscarriage.
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@DesertDreams88: Unfortunately for the foreseeable future
This is a new job he started a few weeks ago and there is ALOT of overtime. Which is wonderful for our bank account, not so wonderful for baby making! We are hoping that we can stick this out for as long as possible so we can continue to build up savings. In a year or so, when something opens for the early morning shift, we can look at how things are going and he can change schedules if he wants.
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@travellingbee: Hopefully things are just still adjusting in these cycles. Yay for CD1 though!
@MaryM: I hate being in chaos, so I feel for you there. Will be good to get a plan in place soon.
@HappyBluebird: Yes! So I'm on Progynova (increasing doses of oestrogen) for another week and a bit, and we have a scan on next Thursday to check lining. If that's good, maybe we'll get a transfer date.
@DesertDreams88: How are you going? x
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@jaguar: so glad you have next steps! Fingers crossed for Thursday!
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DH called during his shift last night, so at least we got to talk a little bit about our plans for work at the house this week. I think he can tell it's all making me anxious, so that's good. We're going to try to get the basement finished and get another coat of pain in our room so we can get the closets put back together this weekend. I think that will make a huge difference.
I've always wanted a walk in closet...but I never intended for it to be stuff thrown into my guest room! lol
I went to a talk by a cardinal last night. I don't know how religious you guys are (so I hope no one is offended by me sharing), but part of his talk really moved me (and a lot of people. Seriously, there were middle aged men wiping their eyes).
He talked about the pope's recent visit to the Philippines, especially when he met with survivors of the typhoon.
A young girl who lost her family spoke up and asked the pope (through tears), "Why does God allow such horrible things to happen in the world?" The pope, also moved by those who were speaking about what they'd lost, responded by saying, Sometimes, there are big questions that we can't answer with words...we can only answer them with tears. And hopefully those tears might wash our eyes so that we can see some things more clearly.
Someone earlier this week said "tears are prayers"...and thought it was so fitting for this group.
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@MaryM:
It's very easy to ask why these things happen but this helps when I'm trying to find the "right" answer.Also, glad you are working on a plan to get your house back together! Hopefully your closet is back together soon!
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@MaryM: I'm back and forth lurking in here, but I just had to chime and in say how beautiful that is
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this is our guest room at the moment.
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@MaryM: thats beautiful, I can't imagine any person not being moved. I hope your home reno moves along not your hubby knows its giving you anxiety! We are trying to finish up our outdoor landscaping and garage interior, its been going since last year and I just want it DONE.
My OPK has been giving me a headache, it has given me a Peak again today (posted on March POAS), I don't have any other ovulation symptoms though, my CM has gone back to normal etc. Feeling a bit wonky today
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@marym: Thank you for sharing, that idea will stick with me. I'm sorry your house is in such a disarray, that would drive me crazy too! I like your idea of at least preserving one room's organization, that sounds like it will help. for me that would have to be the living room and my bedroom, since those are the places I spend the most time. I hope you can get that soon!
@jaguar: just chilling over here at 6 dpo. No symptoms, though I know it's early anyway. I have some work stress building up so I'm really trying to keep calm and not let that interfere with anything. my only strategies so far are ignoring the issue, praying, and sleeping!
I'm pretty excited for tonight! DH signed us up for a movie review company where we get to see major movies before they're released, and we fill out surveys about them, and they're free. tonight will be our first time doing this and it's even more exciting because it's a weeknight date! I can't tell you all about the movie though, it's against the rules
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@MaryM: I struggle with my faith more than I can say... especially over all the struggles we've had over the years... but I'd like to hope that this is true. And with all the tears I've cried, I should be seeing EVERYTHING more clearly - but nothing yet. Just darkness, with a flicker of light every now and again.
Today's our due date, so I'm sorry if I'm a bit quieter than normal. x
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@jaguar:
I hope soon you can focus on the flickers of light.
My wtf appointment is tomorrow. I'm hoping maybe some light will shine there too.
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@FannyMae: I'm sorry the opks are wonky. Hope things sort themselves out soon.
@DesertDreams88: that sounds so fun! I didn't know anything like that existed!
@jaguar: oh, I'm so sorry
I hope you were able to do something nice for yourself@MaryM: good luck tomorrow!
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@jaguar:
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@jaguar: I posted in your other thread but I wanted to say here that what you wrote was so touching. With my due date fast approaching (April 7), it's everything I'm feeling and you said it so eloquently.
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@jaguar: your blog was beautiful!
I had my appointment this morning. I shed a single tear when the sonographer verified that I still have a 6 cm cyst. I really wish they would just go away.
But that one tear multiplied exponentially when the doctor finished going over that check up, and I reminded him that DH and I have been trying for a year and nothing's happening. He reviewed my charts and is hopeful that it's just a matter of time since I'm almost AMA because my cycles are regular. But he did schedule a sonohysterogram for next month. Another doctor in the practice does them in office.
I think I'll be switching back to her for anything else IF related (she has more training), but I'm glad I saw the guy I saw today. His bedside manner is world's away from hers, and I can't imagine what she would have done if I broke into tears in her office.
I'm relieved to be moving on to next steps, but I also feel like a knife was more firmly set in my heart today because taking steps toward testing makes it that much more real that we're dealing with IF.
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@marym: aw, sorry to hear about the cyst, but glad you got to see a kind docotor. That makes so much of a difference. I feel like 6 centimeters is kind of large......? of course thats my uninformed, non medical opinion
FX it will go away. Have you had CD3 testing yet? Do you think maybe DH would be willing to do the SA sooner rather than later? I remember you saying something about him wanting to wait until after the move... I have to say you're much more easygoing than I am, I would probaby be researching testing places and emailing my DH about it at this point. But that's just our relationship. He tends to drag his feet on everything medically related.@jaguar: I read your blog post this morning and definitely teared up. Your love for him is so powerful that I choose to believe somewhere he is feeling that right now.
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Thanks lovelies. Yesterday was a hard day, but we made it through. Now to get pregnant....
@MaryM: Huge hugs to you. It's hard when you realise that your path has changed... and the label of IF is a hard one to swallow. I'm so hopeful that this journey will bring you to your baby. And you're not alone, my dear. xx
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Hello all.
I feel super weird just butting my way into this thread, but just wanted to say that I have taken the time over the past few days to read through all 13 pages of this thread... and I find so much tragic beauty in the stories and strength shared here. I just couldn't stop myself from posting and just adding in my own story. I really hope that is alright. I feel so much in my heart for everyone of you, your sadness and your pain, and I don't even know you.
I cannot believe that so many women go through this, and here I was feeling completely alone. 1. What is your story?
Hubby and I have been TTC for almost 3 years now. In that time, we have had three early losses, all before 8 weeks. I was only able to see one of our babies on the ultrasound screen alive and well before they left us. I think about them all every day. And now that we cannot seem to conceive again, I am fearing the worst... That I will never give my SO his own biological child or my older children a sibling, when they are so desperate to have one. But worst of all, I fear that I will never again experience the joy of pregnancy, or the wonder of new motherhood. SO has never been through pregnancy, birth, newborn years- these are all things he longs for so much, and it breaks my heart to not be able to give it to us to share. 2. How do you feel today?
Pretty down, honestly. Waiting for my period to start, feeling empty and just depressed.3. If you have any "next steps" what are they?
We will continue TTC with medical assistance until we run out of options. I feel like I probably need some therapy or just someone to talk to so I can deal with this grief and guilt.4. What coping strategies have worked the best for you?
Honestly? Still trying to find some. I am lucky in the sense that I have older children to love on and shore up my strength for. I know that so many do not, and I know I am extremely lucky in this respect. I pray, a LOT. I read to escape from the reality when it gets too harsh.Anyway... so that is my story. I enjoy being able to be in a network of so many strong women. My prayers and hope to all of you. Thank you.
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@MaryM: I'm so sorry
I'm glad you are getting some next steps but I'm sure it's not easy. Thinking of you and here if you need to vent
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@MrsRice: Sad welcome to our group. So sorry for your losses. I always say how I wish none of us were here or needed this group but it's an amazing support from ladies who understand all the feelings that go along with loss. For me, its been helpful to talk to people who understand and won't judge for how I feel or what I need to vent.
I hope you find lots of support from all of us here
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@DesertDreams88: 6 cm is large. That's why they've been keeping an eye on them. I'm flabbergasted that I rarely feel them (only if I turn really quickly at the waist or bend a certain way). I think I'm pretty sure I'm switching to another doctor in the practice that has a background in NaPro, because I think she'll be more likely to figure out what's causing the cyst instead of just watching it.
I haven't had CD3 yet, but did have 6dpo. That's why I also want to go back to the woman (she ran the 6dpo, so I think she'd probably suggest the other too).
DH and I are SO stressed over the house that I really don't think it would be fair to push him any more in the SA. I told him the doctor recommended it, and he confirmed he'll go in April. He's in an HMO so it's not like I can make other suggestions. And since he brought it up with his doctor previously without me pushing, I have a lot of faith in him sticking to his word on that.
@jaguar: Thank you love
I thought my heart broke for my IF friends previously. Yesterday was a whole new level. I stopped at confession hoping that would help my heart feel a little better. But I think I need to go back again. I sat in the confessional praying for my priest to understand while he told me to "focus on the positive things in life" and "take a bath" or "listen to good music."
I got better spiritual direction from my gynecologist...
@MrsRice: you're not butting in. Anyone is welcome to join us at any time. Though we do hate to welcome people because of what they have to go through to become part of this sucky sucky group (but that is awesome at the same time for all its love and support).
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@MrsRice: I'm so sorry for your losses. You are welcome here, and I hope this beautiful group of ladies can help with healing, as they have for me.
@HappyBluebird: I feel the same way. judgement free!
@MaryM: Ah, that's tough re: the priest comments. I actually saw a friend of my mum's yesterday who is a spiritual chick - reads cards, picks up on other people's empathetic vibes... and she was very therapeutic to talk with. I hope that she was correct in what she talked to me about.
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Thank you for the welcome- it means a whole lot to me.
@MaryM: Your comments regarding your priest bring up a lot of memories for me- I was raised catholic and still attend mass as often as possible. But I feel like my old priest just didn't understand the pain in my heart. There have been women that were part of "prayer teams" or the like that were much more helpful to me regarding loss and IF. So, just a thought... If you need spiritual guidance/fulfillment.
I am finally officially on CD1, after being many days late, so I can start a new cycle. Just trying to think... we are one step closer. Don't give up just yet... Just keep swimming.
Going to do 100mg clomid cd3-7, trigger, and IUI this month. if unsuccessful (who am I kidding, it is more when than if at this point!) we will be moving up to Follistim/IUI. I just really hope to not have to do IVF. No clue how we could afford it in our state, since there is no insurance coverage to be had that covers IF.
*hugs* to you all.
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I tried replying earlier but my comp was being silly,
@MrsRice: nothing but open arms and ears here
I hope all the best for you in your new cycle. The cost for IVF in the US is exorbitant isn't it? My SIL had 3 little girls thru IVF and she just recently finished paying for it after 8 years and its a fraction in out of pocket costs here.
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I think I'm going to reach out to a priest I work with to see if he can help me feel a little better. He wrote something recently related to a young adult who was murdered. It was advice on what to say to someone who's lost someone too young.
He ended his advice with "for goodness sakes, never say that "God has a plan" or "everything happens for a reason"...because God doesn't allow people to die, sin the world does. I have a feeling he might be able to come at it from a better perspective for me instead of just saying "Stop being sad and focus on happy things"
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In better news, I was off yesterday because of snow, and it happened to be DH's day off too. We got SO MUCH done at the house, and I feel a ton better about that.
It was so funny because at one point last night when we'd pretty much wrapped up, DH said "I don't know about you, but this place was making me pretty anxious last week."
Uh...Duh! lol
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@MaryM: That priest sounds like a good one to talk to! Glad you got a lot done yesterday! I was home because of the snow too but I wasn't feeling 100% so I spent it laying on the couch all day. One plus was that DH didn't have to go to work so we got to spend the day together!
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Also yesterday, my 11 year old niece got an amazon fire so she can text through skype now. Holy crap pre-teens talk a lot! But it was fun
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@MaryM: My sisters (almost 11 and 13) are both very very chatty, especially on text
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I started playing this game when my niece is in the car with my mom and me. The first person to ask a question loses. The only way she can win is to stop talking all together (and that's SO hard for her!)
This is a new job he started a few weeks ago and there is ALOT of overtime. Which is wonderful for our bank account, not so wonderful for baby making! We are hoping that we can stick this out for as long as possible so we can continue to build up savings. In a year or so, when something opens for the early morning shift, we can look at how things are going and he can change schedules if he wants.
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