I want to throw my sister who is getting married a small Bridal Shower
She is going to Paris just her and her fiance......I was thinking at a local on the water resteraunt for brunch!
Close family and a few of her friends!
My question is for her friends should you show up expecting brunch on the house? Or to pay?!
I have been to both and can see both ways?!
I am thinking Mimosas on the table
and a few appetizers, fruit brie and such are paid and you pay for your brunch?!
Price is from $8-$12
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I hosted a brunch like this and footed the whole bill. It was an arranged in advance menu. I would not be off put to pay my own way, but guests should be notified it's no host IMO. It lovely of you to host regardless.
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I have never been to a shower where I have been expected to pay for food myself.
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@Smurfette: I have where there was food, but more was optional!
I could foot the bill, but my mom sees it more as just a "lunch/get together" for her as her wedding isn't here! Less traditional since I guess her wedding isn't traditional?! -
@youboots: I asked about an arranged menu and they will just do the regular , which is ok since their prices are not crazy!
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I think if you want/expect people to bring gifts, the food should be totally covered. If you just want to have a casual group lunch, that's fine, just clearly communicate that.
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@ms.line: I think that is the way my family is thinking! How do you communicate that to her friends?
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@FaithFertility: I probably wouldn't use the word "shower" in that case - I guess ask people to join you for a pre-elopement brunch, no gifts please.
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I am thinking if family sees it that way they can pay for themsleves, but I will pick up the bill for her few friends 5-8 of them!
My mom has already offered to get champagne and such covered so....that might be reasonable!I like to get others opinions
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I think including on the invite that mimosas and appetizer will be provided would be sufficient? I wouldn't mind paying for myself at all in this situation.
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@FaithFertility: honestly now that I've thought about it more. Why not just split the whole bill 50/50 with your Mom? You don't have to pay for big stuff like travel and a bridesmaids dress. If you can afford it just splurge and treat everyone.
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I think it's odd to host a shower and expect others to pay for their food. I have never been to a friend OR family shower where I was expected to pay for my own food.
@ms.line: I like your wording. If you say shower, I immediately think gift. If you're not planning to pay for people then don't call it a shower.
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I think any event you host for someone else all of the food should be provided. I would think it was incredibly tacky to show up to a brunch and be expected to have to pay for food. It would be really awkward too, wondering how to split the bill and feeling like I shouldn't eat because other people aren't, because they don't want to pay for food.
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You're 'organizing' the brunch rather than 'hosting' if people are paying their own way. Email the guests and say you're organizing brunch in honor of your sister. $10 estimated per person cost. I wouldn't call it a shower in the email but everyone will probably bring a gift anyway.
Having the champagne and some food covered sounds very nice. Check with the restaurant ahead of time to see how the bill(s) will be dealt with.
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@youboots: My mom is the one that 100% is thinking everyone should pay for themselves!
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I think not calling it a shower is kind of key. I think most people do not expect to pay for food at a gift giving event. Is it completely impossible for you and your mom to arrange to cover the cost?
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It is more of 'organizing' a brunch but this is why I did tbe poll everyone thinks differently, thank you all for your opinions!
I think I will speak with my mom and tell her some may expect brunch paid and there fore I want it to be nice and not ackward, I will pay for her girls, see where that leads us!!!
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@MOMTOLITTLEB: I am 100% ok paying was just wondering since according to my mom why pay it isn't a traditional shower/wedding!
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@FaithFertility: will you be doing invites or just casually inviting everyone via email / word of mouth?
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@regberadaisy: ohh word of mouth/emails maybe a Facebook event?!
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I would be super annoyed if I went to a bridal shower and was expected to pay for my own food.
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I'm of the mind that if you're going out, to a venue, you pay your way. My friend recently organized a birthday brunch for me, and everyone paid their own, and some people brought presents...
If you were having it at your house or a community centre or venue you had to cater, then it would be weird to ask people to pay.
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@FaithFertility: yeah, if most everyone is on FB then it definitely makes it feel more casual. Just word it the right way and it'll be fine.
Something like "Jane is eloping to Paris! Ooh la la! We're getting together for brunch, to send her off. Hope you can join us!"
No mention of hosting OR shower!
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@regberadaisy: Omg so stealing that wording ohhh LA la
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Clear communication of the costs would be on the written invitation or when you call each person to invite them.
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@FaithFertility: haha
I'm glad you like!
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@FaithFertility: I would expect it all to be paid for. I've never been invited to a shower and expected to bring a gift, and pay for food.
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We had this dilemma for a friend who was having her second child. My friend did not want to have a traditional shower, but more of a "get together brunch" with a few girlfriends. We made sure not to call it a shower and I think everyone's expectations were set correctly that they would pay their own way.
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@regberadaisy: I agree that if you said it like this, I'd expect to pay my own way. If you call it a shower, I'd expect to have it hosted.
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A group of friends took me out for lunch as a mini surprise baby shower/lunch before I had my first and everyone - including me - paid for themselves. Honestly... I appreciated that they had the lunch but having everyone pay seperatly was kind of akward because of the type of event. I Would rather have paid for it all myself because I felt that uncomfortable after the fact but the bills all came separately before I realized that was what happening. . However I think this all has to do with the people attending and their relationship to the person being celebrated.
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If I were going to a shower at a restaurant I would not expect to be treated, I would be pleasantly surprised if as you said there was free mimosa or something like that but I wouldn't expect it. That said, I would make it clear it is not being hosted, like another commenter said, just to be safe.
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If i was invited to a shower, I would not expect to have to pay for my own food, and I think the invite should mention that champagne and appetizers are provided (This way, if i wanted more, I would know that I would pay for it, but more than likely, i would eat before I came and just snack on what's provided).
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Honestly, I would already be feeling put out to be invited to a bridal shower for a wedding that I'm not invited to (I think it's totally fine to elope, but I think that means you have to be willing to forego the pre wedding festivities). To then be expected to pay for my own food at the shower, I would be beyond annoyed.
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@FaithFertility: is your mom expecting friends and family to bring gifts?
If her friends are under the impression no gifts yet you and your mom or other fam give her gifts that would be awkward for a friend or two that would have liked to know all of the real expectations.
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If I'm going to a gathering at a restaurant to celebrate someone/ something, I would fully expect to pay my own way (and to chip in with everyone to cover the honoree's meal).
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So, I think if you're just coordinating a small group of her girlfriends together for brunch as a send off, everyone paying their own way is fine. But if you're family is going to be there, and friends whose paths wouldn't have ordinarily crossed, it starts to feel like a shower, in which case, I would not expect to have to pay for my meal. That said, based on some of the previous responses, this may be regional. I have only ever been to bridal/baby showers that took place at restaurants (city living - no one has space to host that many people). and have never been asked to contribute.
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FWIW, I eloped, and after we got back my dad hosted a celebratory dinner for about 20 friends and family members at a local restaurant. He picked up the tab for all food/drinks, and all the guests brought gifts (mostly cash, since I didn't have a registry). I honestly wasn't sure how it would go since it was so "off-script," but everyone had a great time!
I'm not a very traditional person, but I will give tradition credit for making etiquette much clearer!
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Do they have a registry? If so, then I think she's expecting a shower and I would treat it as such. If you are expecting a guest to bring a gift, then they shouldn't be asked to pay for their meal.
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I agree with @Peasinapod. Also, like some of the ladies said, don't call it a shower.
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If you expect people to pay for their own meal, it is not a shower. In my circle, showers and fully hosted but everyone pays their own way for bachelorette parties. Bachelorette parties can be anything so if you are not hostings, no gifts are expected, call it a bachelorette brunch and list the price and how to pay on the invite. If she is hoping for gifts, it is a shower and guests should not have to pay for anything there.
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42 comments