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I know of people that have thrown showers at people's houses and at restaurants and I think you typically split the bill for the whole thing. I organized my sisters at a restaurant and I had the food/drink cost and then the decorations and stuff and then I added it all up and split it. And I know someone that split for one at someones house and same thing, they got food from whole foods and booze and decorations and stuff and then split it all.

Although I wouldn't ask someone to contribute to a shower that I'm hosting in my home, I don't think it's unprecedented that a bridal party split up the cost of a shower. The mom might have just offered to host it so you didn't have to pay for a venue, not because she expected to be responsible for any of the planning. In this case, I don't think you should say anything.

Being a bridesmaid is expensive. Every time I've been a bridesmaid, it's ended up costing me anywhere between $500 and $1000.

@littlebug: how many people are coming to the shower? Just wondering.

I do think the adding up the receipts and stuff is a little odd but if they had gotten it catered instead, you would have had to split it and it would have been more expensive probably. So it kinda sucks, yeah, but who would pick up the $400 bill for the food if you guys didn't split it?

Honestly, I'd probably just suck it up. Is it slightly odd? Yes. But I don't think it's worth ruining a friendship over. There might also be a reason between the sister and mom that mom is hosting (maybe sister is flakey, or just asked her to take care of it). I think the average is about 1k per wedding for a bridesmaid. Each time I've been one it's been about that amount.

I think if it were me, I would have said something before now...about the cost of being a bridesmaid overall if I didn't feel I could afford that. Maybe it's a cultural thing (I'm not in the U.S.) but the idea of my bridesmaids having to pay for anything (other than a gift or a shower if they choose to do that) seems crazy!

But down to the shower alone, I would have expected all the people involved in hosting to come to an agreement as to how costs were to be split before going ahead.

@littlebug: What a pain!! I think the food receipts thing is over the top. What if I use ingredients from my pantry?! Also, I don't want to hand my receipt over with my personal groceries on it, and I'm not going through the checkout twice! Very silly.

I also think that providing paper products comes with the territory of being the host. If everything was going to be divided up, seems like it just would have been easier to go to a restaurant.

I had a situation once where it was a "show up with your checkbook, I'll tell you how much you owe."

I wrote the check and was stunned about it, as was everyone else in the room, no one said anything. I thought about putting my foot down, but in the end I didn't, because it was way more trouble than the $150 I paid. Believe me, that $150 hurt at the time, it's not like I had tons of money that I could just throw around, but the whole dynamic was just very odd and I didn't want to create all kinds of drama.

Honestly this seems pretty good to me, if there are that many people attending then there needs to be quite a bit of food, and every shower I've co-hosted we split the cost. I've only ONCE done the whole receipt thing, but usually we just split the tasks and each person takes on one, it usually evens out in the end.

As for the cost of being a bridesmaid, I've been one 13 times, and part of the "burden" is the cost and how quickly things add up, however everything you listed out is pretty standard for a bridal party member. It sucks but you know it when "signing" up.

@LuLu Mom: @blackbird: agree.

@littlebug: I'm sorry, that seems frustrating and I wouldn't like to have to show receipts either.

Like your circle of friends in my circle the bridesmaids don't do a big shower, just the bachelorette. Every big bridal shower I've been to has been hosted by aunts, MILs, or the mother of the bride.

I'd still pony up the money but I wouldn't like making food & paying.

Seems pretty good to me? I get what you're saying about it being unexpected - in my circle the bridesmaids 'host' but the bride's family pays. Although I do think traditionally the bridesmaids would host and pay. Maybe the receipt thing is just so everyone knows it's fair, not just an estimate. If bridesmaids are splitting the cost I do think they should all be planning and agree to the cost beforehand but I think in this case the cost seems pretty reasonable so I wouldn't rock the boat.

I feel like it should've been better organized, but that it's pretty inexpensive for a bridal shower for that many people.

I didn't have a bachelorette but my BMs took care of my shower. I kept the dresses under $100.
But I've been part of wedding's where dress has been expensive, paid for bachelorette, brought food and gifts to potluck shower, hair, hotel, wedding gift, etc. and it got pricey. I certainly wouldn't do that for just any friend anymore!

@littlebug: just so I have everything correct- in the mom hosting examples you gave the mom's were not mom's of the bride. the invite lists you and the other BMs as hostesses and the MOB's home is the shower venue. Did the MOH/ Sister of Bride enlist all of you BMs as hostesses/ sponsors of the showers? Or did you all volunteer to host and or sponsor, BUT only the budget/costs has been dictated by the MOH?

@littlebug: I would not be pleased with this arrangement at all. Have you made a decision about what you'you're going to do?

I'm just confused about how the whole adding the cost from the receipts and then splitting it up will even work. Because each person will be shopping on their own, yes? Like let's say you buy stuff to make your dip and pay $20. Then all the receipts get added up, and divided out it will be $60 each. But you already paid that $20...so do you pay $40? And who would it go to if everyone else has already paid varying amounts? It just doesn't even make sense to split food cost unless you all went shopping together.

@Mrs. Lemon-Lime: I'm with you. You didn't plan this. it seems weird. however, for $35, it might not be worth bringing up (or it might).

@MrsSCB: We did something similar at my friend's bachelorette party. We paid for things, it got tallied up and whatever we paid for the price was deducted from the total we owed.

So I paid $40 for the favors and the total for food and decorations was $500 and we divided that by 8 so its $62.50 each, so since i already paid $40 that is deducted from the $62.50 and I owe $22.50

Its more complicated but I think the MOH is trying to make the costs fair.