Regular poster here going anonymous for this because...well I'm really disappointed in my husband and honestly, I'm embarrassed. This isn't the end of the world/relationship ending, but I need to vent and would love to hear about what you would do if you were me/what you've done in similar situations.

Last night, I was getting into bed after our kids were asleep and dh came in to say goodnight and gave me a kiss. He smelled like pot. I called him out, he acted innocent/"that's weird! is it my shirt? I wonder why?"/etc and acted like I was crazy for smelling it. Finally he admitted he had smoked.

This bothers me for a bunch of reasons:

-He used to smoke a lot, but we had a big talk/agreement BEFORE we had kids or started ttc that he wasn't going to bring it into our home after we had kids. a)because 2nd/3rd-hand smoke is bad and b) because we wouldn't want our kids to find it. our oldest lo is old enough to explore every single drawer in our home now.

-He lied to my face, and then tried to gaslight me about it. He knows gaslighting is terrible and we talk about it a LOT in terms of politics and now #metoo

-We had a similar conversation/fight about lying about something he knew i'd be mad about earlier this year--about a bachelor party that included strip clubs. both before he went and after we had conversations about being honest, and he still lied to me both before and after. You'd think that'd drill it into his head now that he needs to NOT lie to my face...

-We've struggled with intimacy a bit lately. Not just sex, I've been telling him I need more affection/emotional connection and he says he's "trying" and he is in therapy and working on issues with his family and communication...but the therapy is not really for working on our issues. I almost always go to bed before him because our youngest is nursing/not sttn, but it isn't THAT early lately--our oldest has been up til 9/9:30 lately. Last night I asked him if he doesn't come to bed when I do because he's waiting until I sleep to secretly smoke, and he said no, this was the first time he'd smoked at home in years...but I don't know if I believe him.

Ugh ugh ugh. My stomach just feels like it's been turned inside out. I was really calm when confronting him last night, and haven't said anything today, but I'm still mad. He isn't confrontational and is probably waiting for me to say something.