Hellobee Boards

That's usually what I do. If she had been promised a treat I give a warning and then it gets taken away. Same thing with watching a show. We try not to take away things like books/reading

Our LO is 3 and understands consequences pretty well. We've tried taking away a toy with mixed results. We take away tv, either for the rest of the night or for a full day. That's a big consequence. A few days ago, he intentionally spilled his juice on the rug during a tantrum so we said no more juice the rest of the night, so it was related to the bad behavior that caused it. We're just starting to get serious about consequences as his behavior has been really impossible lately.

We do natural consequences.

In your examples, if LO was acting out at the library, I'd tell her: "I see you're having a hard time (whatever she wasn't doing). We can try (what you want them to do) one more time. If you can't handle it, we'll have to leave without finishing checking out our books." -- and I would follow through.

The car situation ... I'm not really sure what I'd do here. Likely just something like, "Wow. I bet that didn't feel very good to your sister when you said (whatever she said). Can you check in?"

She usually end up losing a treat or screen time. It's usually around bedtime she starts getting cranky and naughty, and we have taken away a story before but then I end up feeling bad.

One time she did something extra naughty and lost TV for an entire week but I can't remember what it was now, haha!

Consequences have never really worked for DD. She responds much better to being told how she ought to behave. She's very sensitive to wanting to be good well behaved.

I don't have a toddler but my friend does and she tries to figure out ways to have her toddler "make it right." For example, her 3.5 year old daughter colored with crayons on my wall (I wasnt bothered) so the mom made her use her piggy bank money to go to the store and buy a magic eraser, and then she came over and cleaned it, and then verbally apologized.

@yellowbird: I actually took away bedtime stories last night and I was upset about it the rest of the night. He was being unreasonable for bedtime and reading together is something we both look forward to so I was hoping the warning would get him under control. He is so strong willed, I'm finding I need to be very strict with him.

@Bao: The consequence(s) need to be close enough in time to the undesired behavior so that your LO understands that losing the privilege/treat is a consequence of her behavior (as opposed to a random punishment).

@Smurfette: We do the same.

I try to make consequences pretty immediate and natural, so that LO gets it and can learn from it, rather than just doling out punishment later on.

I do firmly also believe that appropriate (and even just normal/consistent) behavior like always listening and not acting out in different settings is absolutely learned through practice. Appropriate behavior for the setting and overstimulation/overexcitement issues are not just for infants and learning to adjust to new/different things is learned behavior.

So, I also temper my consequence for LO’s “naughty” behavior to what she did and with that in mind. I can guarantee that my LO will not listen as well to me on days when she’s/we’ve been inside all day than say on weekends where we are out and about all day long or in the evenings following school days where she's been outside playing, done some structured activities etc as well as free play. My consequences in those cases are different. My consequences are also different if I know she's melting down/acting out because she's tired/sick/whatever.

@littlejoy: I love this. And I have a really hard time remembering the "script". So it hasn't become a natural part of my interaction w LO (almost 4). Tips?

I teach in a logical consequences/no punishment school and try to apply the same strategies with DD. The biggest I think we implement is 'you break it, you fix it'. For example, if DD (2) draws on the window, she has to clean it up. If she throws a toy, she can't play with that toy (for 10 minutes or so at her age).

Eta: we don't do timeouts at the moment because they don't link directly to the undesirable behaviour. We also talk a lot about behaviour and I redirect instead of giving consequences wherever possible.