I am very concerned about my son and I'm looking for feedback/ideas. My son just turned 3 a week ago. He has been in the same daycare (good university lab school) since he was 1. He was in the 2 year old room up until two weeks ago. They require that children are potty trained to move to the 3 year old class.

We started potty training in July even though he did not seem ready because he has to be PT'ed to move up to the new class. By that point, he was the oldest and biggest in the 2 year old class and several new kids who were not even two were moved into his class. My son is very verbally advanced, smart, and tall. He definitely needed to be moved up to the 3 year old class for all those reasons (his teachers agreed).

He moved up to the 3yo class even though his potty training is not 100%, I'd say. When he moved up, I would say he was staying dry at school 3 out of 5 days per week, and not as good at home.

Since he has moved up, he is having several accidents a day at school. I think he is stressed/anxious about it. The 3 year old teachers are very unhappy and although they are working with him, we are concerned they may dismiss him from the school because he is not PT. He can't move back to his old class, his spot is gone (plus it is not really appropriate for his age/level at this point). We are very worried - it seems to me he's having so many accidents bc he is freaked out and feeling pressure about it.

We had a conference with his new teacher this week, and she said we need to be doing more at home (but what?!). We are already doing everything. He's very strong willed. The teacher said we need to put him in underwear at night to get it to click, which I think is totally stupid (he wakes up soaked in an overnight diaper every morning still). We are not super happy with some of what we're hearing from the teachers (plus they are very matter of fact, not warm and fuzzy at all which I really don't like).

I don't know really what I'm asking at this point - we're just really concerned that maybe the teachers are making him anxious, or that he'll be kicked out, and I just don't know what to think. I don't think it's unusual that a just turned 3 year old boy is not fully potty trained. IDK.

Maybe what would you do - wait to see what happens, pull him out of the school (which will create major childcare issues but I want to do what's best for him), any genius potty training tips for a resistant child?

Edited to add: I think the issues my son is having with potty training is because he is really just not quite ready and we are pushing him into it (plus he's very strong willed). The teacher said kids can be trained much younger, the reason older children are in diapers is because of marketing from the diaper industry...