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This breaks my heart. Can you invite some of her school friends over for a play date? Maybe having them on her own turf will help her to connect with them and that way she'll feel more comfortable around them and play more with them at school.

Oh that's awful how long has she been attending daycare for? Could it still be part of the transition?
I worry about my DS this way too - he's much more used to being around adults than kids :s

No real advice but this breaks my heart for all three of you I hope it gets better!

@mrbee: That's a good point. LO was much younger (10 months) but we sent her 3 days per week for a month instead of 2 days per week when she was struggling to adjust to daycare. She is going 4 days per week now, and even though she is actually going to a different school 2 of those days, her teachers have said she has really come out of her shell.

@bunnylove08: We eased into daycare a bit with our son, and in retrospect... I wonder if it delayed his acclimation process.

I think it may be easier for some kids to adjust to a full time program, than to adjust to a part time program. My daughter is in a pre-school program with a lot of half-day and part-time students, and some of those kids had really long adjustment periods!

We are having a rough transition, too, starting a new daycare after 8 weeks of maternity leave and 7 months of in-home care.

We watched the Daniel Tiger episode "Daniel's Babysitter/Daniel Goes to School" a lot this weekend, started sending a lovey to school with him, and provided a picture of our family for the daycare to put in the classroom.

It's so rough. Hang in there!

@bunnylove08: Does she have a special bond with any particular teacher? Maybe that teacher could buddy-up with her more, especially at drop-off?

@bunnylove08: I'm going to agree with @mrbee...full time kids adjust faster I think. I had this whole plan to ease my kiddo into daycare over the course of three weeks and they called me on the third day and asked if I could leave him for the whole day! He's there 8-6 too....it's not like it's torture lol ;). I can't afford to stay home, nor do I really want to!

@bunnylove08: I know he might be a bit of a unique case but he ADORES it. He can't wait to leave in the morning and bothers me nonstop to put his clothes on. He still cries a little at dropoff...that seems to be a little sticking point for him. But he naps better than he does at home, he's learning better than I could have taught him and he's eating better too.

Two thoughts:

1. How well does your child play at home by herself? Does she do well with independent play or does she like to be with you or the nanny the whole time? If she's not good about playing alone or entertaining herself for a good amount of time, perhaps you can gradually teach her to do so in small increments. This might teach her to be able to have fun without having nanny or an adult with her all the time.

2. Is your child introverted? I am a very gregarious and social person around people I know well, which masks my introversion, but I am not comfortable in social situations where I don't know anyone. As a child, this caused me a lot of angst. Eventually, I learned to zero in on someone I was drawn to and try to become their friend right away because I hated the anxious feeling I got in a classroom full of strangers. Once I had that one familiar friend as a touchpoint, I would feel secure enough to make another friend, etc.

I think trying to arrange a playdate with another child at school is a great idea for similar reasons.

Also, just a word of encouragement. I know this is upsetting, but you and your husband are doing a GREAT job pinpointing what's upsetting your daughter and trying to troubleshoot the issues proactively. And remember, there's nothing wrong with her! Daycare is just a counterintuitive social setting for your girl and she needs a little help to navigate it in a way that works for her unique personality.