Would/Did you let fear deter you from trying to conceive? Fear of loss, complications, etc. If you were afraid but went ahead anyway, how did you cope during TTC and those first few months of pregnancy?
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I definitely had fears, and was tempted to let them deter me but decided to go ahead with TTC. The beginning of my pregnancy was a challenge emotionally, but with time it got easier and easier and of course I'm so thrilled to have my rainbow baby.
There are so many fears that can go along with pregnancy anyway, and having a previous loss amplifies them. It can be difficult to bond with a pregnancy after loss. For me it just got easier with every passing milestone- hearing the heartbeat, finding out the sex, etc.
That said, loss and worry definitely is a factor in my hesitancy to try for a second child. However now that I've been through both a loss and a successful pregnancy, I know I can survive the fear.
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I don't have a previous loss, but had a LOT of fears of loss and complications going into pregnancy (some rational based on a medical condition (that is in all likelihood not serious but definitely could possibly be dangerous with pregnancy), and some not so rational). I was so scared that it took me a long time (years) to even be ready to TTC.
I decided to TTC because I knew I wanted a family and didn't want my life to be governed by fear. I generally don't live the rest of my life like that so why be like that with TTC?
I still have huge fears of loss and complications. I have my good days and bad but am plowing through it. I think this is somewhat normal even for those who haven't faced loss or high risk factors. It helps to have a partner supportive of all my emotions. I try to remind myself that many, even most, pregnancies end in a healthy baby. And if something tragic were to happen, DH and I would get through it, as awful as that would be. I don't regret going for it, even though pregnancy has been stressful for me.
I agree that with every passing milestone I relax a little, even though I won't be totally relaxed until baby is here, and then I will find new worries.
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I didn't let it stop my from TTC again and I have been so focused on just getting pregnant. But I just found out two days ago that I am pregnant again, and right away the fears came flooding back. I think I assume that it won't go well and am terrified of going through it again. And again. This would be my third consecutive loss. Ugh.
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I just keep telling myself not to make decisions based on fear. But yes, it's hard. Congrats on your pregnancy @Travellingbee!
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@changingtides: I think @Anya: summed it up so well.
Yes, it is scary, but if you are committed to having a baby, you have to just try. You'll be faced with many more fears throughout the pregnancy and the whole rest of their lives!! And, if things don't go well, there are so many different ways to get help, too, that may help you get to your end goal. Our loss was really hard on us, but we learned how common m/c is, learned about each other, learned about our bodies... but none of the worries were enough to keep us from trying again. In the end *maybe* we are even in a better place as we prepare for our new arrival next month after having had the loss. Good luck to you!
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After two miscarriages and a late loss, you would think I would have been hesitant to try again. DH was a bit, but for me I needed to move forward and focus on getting pregnant again, rather than wallow in being sad. It's definitely scary, but... I guess for me it's just better than not moving forward.
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I will be honest and say it hasn't been easy but it didn't deter me from trying. I had two losses in a row but I still felt determined to be a mom (among a lot of other emotions.) I figured the most surefire way for us to remain child free was to not even try. I am now 30 weeks pregnant with what will hopefully be our rainbow baby. It's been a difficult road but I know others have experienced much worse. I can't wait to look my son in the eyes and know that everything happened the way it did so I could meet him.
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Our first pregnancy ended in miscarriage ... It didn't deter us from trying again, but it made me really nervous during my next pregnancy.
That particular fear lessened everytime we'd pass another milestone. I think it's completely normal to feel fear ... It just means we are vulnerable and have big hearts.
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Yes. I had an unexpected pregnancy turned CP in March and even though we weren't trying or planning to try until late summer, it's made me really fearful and not looking forward to trying come July/August. I'm scared it will happen again or worse. Or that we won't get pregnant as easily as we did with #1. I'm sure once I get pregnant I'll be a nervous wreck as well, but I think that's somewhat normal for a second baby regardless of prior loss (ignorance is bliss the first time!)
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The fear of not having another child is greater than the fear of loss. It's the only thing that keeps me going.
And yep, we're STILL going.
That particular fear lessened everytime we'd pass another milestone. I think it's completely normal to feel fear ... It just means we are vulnerable and have big hearts.
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