DD1 has been in a new preschool for two weeks. On Friday night, I got an email from another mom inviting my DD to a birthday party on Sunday. She said the whole class was invited, invitations had gone out before DD1 joined the class, and they'd be happy to have my daughter come to the party if she could. I want DD to feel as included as possible in her new class, so I responded by thanking the mom and telling her we'd love to come if she was sure it wasn't a problem for numbers. She wrote back to say "great!", gave me the address, and closed the email by saying "Please do not bring a gift".

So....I didn't. I had DD make her new friend a card, and left it at that. But I noticed on showing up that a number of kids DID bring gifts, and now I feel like a jerk. They didn't open gifts at the party, but DD did notice that other kids had brought presents and we didn't, and felt bad (she's 4.5).

When I ask a close friend what her child wants, and she tells me "Oh, he/she doesn't need anything!" I consider that polite deference, and buy their kid a present anyway. But in this case, I felt like we should listen to instructions, since it was a class party and I can understand how someone didn't want 15 or so new and unneeded/wanted toys to show up at their house, and my gift would have been very generic/not catered to the boy's interests, since I don't know what they are - and I couldn't ask the mom, since she asked for no gifts! BUT....we are new, so I don't want the mom to think we are rude or ungrateful for the invitation. Ugh.

Do I have DD take something in for the boy tomorrow? Or just leave it alone?