DH and I are trying for a third, and my biggest concern is bumping my youngest son into the middle child spot. If you are a middle child, tell me what you liked/disliked about it both as a child and now.
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I’m the middle of 5 kids, but also the biggest age gaps in the famil were around me, so my older siblings were less than 2 years apart, and my little sisters were 2 years apart, but I was 4 years younger and 3 years older than my nearest siblings. So a lot of the time I felt very much out of thenloops, like the older two were in high school, younger two were still little kids, and I was just kind of there.
That said, I didn’t mind being a middle kid. Every spot has pluses and minuses. I wasn’t ignored because I was the middle. I’m good at getting along with a lot of different personalities and mediating (typical middle child things). I think with an odd number you are frequently going to get kids teaming up to go against an odd man out, but those alliances change often.
Basically I don’t think fears of having a middle child are a reason not to have a third.
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Ok...so I am sort of a middle child because I am the third of four, not the first boy, not the first girl, and not the "baby." I didn't like it, BUT I think that's because my parents didn't do much to counteract the "middle child" issue (i.e. my sister has a baby book and I don't.) If you are cognizent of making sure your subsequent children don't get "stiffed" just for being subsequent, I think they'll do fine.
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Hmmm. I guess? We adopted my sister when I was 7.5 so I was basically the youngest and act like the baby but was never spoiled. ButI hate my older sister and found a true best friend in my younger sister so in that sense THANK GOD I was a middle child.
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@pachamama: I feel like so much more has to do with personalities than birth order.
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I am the middle of 3 girls, my older sister is 2y4m older than me and little sister is 23 months younger. I am a typical middle child, like text book... Like say ow before your sibling actually hit you so your parents will look in time to see it happen.
I don't mind it so much though. Yes there was often 2 against 1 but sometimes we all agreed and sometimes it was 1 on 1 on 1.
I never got along well with my older sister not we have a complete and utter clash of personalities. We honestly finally got to the point that we didn't scream at each other on holidays until we were in our mid to late 20s. My little sister and I have had moments over the years where we clash but are generally closer.
Like others have said, it comes down to personality types a lot of times. If you want a 3rd and your husband wants a 3rd, then go for it. The baby will figure it out, it will be ok.
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Middle of three with regular-sized age gaps and same parents. I never felt neglected growing up (I mean any more than anyone feels sorry for themselves growing up) and I just don’t buy it that being a middle child is a bum deal. I think it almost completely boils down to personality types that you have little control over regarding sibling dynamics. Re birth order, IMO, if anyone has it worst it’s the baby—being treated softly because your parents are worn down and exhausted makes for a ruder introduction to real life, it seems to me. But that’s super anecdotal and again easily negated by what type of kid you have and what type of parents you are.
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I’m a middle child and the only thing I’ve ever felt “left out” on were like mentioned above, the baby book and boatloads of pictures of my sister and then relatively few of me as a baby. But my younger sibling didn’t have any of that either so it’s not a middle child thing, it’s a “not first child” thing.
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I love being the middle child but I was not the typical middle. My older sis was just one grade above me (18mo older) so we grew up close and I was the “baby” for 7 years.. until my younger brother was born.
In my humble opinion I feel like I turned out “emotionally healthier” than both my siblings BUT it could truly be personality. My older sister has a “unloved” complex because I was the adored baby for so long, and my poor younger brother was both spoiled in some ways and neglected in some ways.
I never felt neglected or lacking in attention.. maybe because I was the baby for 7 years.. and according to my mom I had a hard time when my brother was born but I don’t really remember that.
@LCTBQE: yes I agree with you about the younger child getting the worst hand- I have seen it in a lot of families around me
We have three kids now and though I can’t control the natural dynamics of sibling order you bet I’m going to be loving on my middle and hopefully discipline my youngest as much as I did the first two haha
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DH is the middle child but almost acts like the oldest, and is also the "favorite"
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I'm a middle child and love it. I never felt I didn't receive enough attention however in looking back, I do realize my parents invested significantly more into my older and younger siblings' extra-curriculars and generally pressured them much more (educationally) than me. I believe it's called the "U" affect, where the middle child becomes a little overlooked (for lack of a better description). Did it have long term effects? I don't think so, it made me more resourceful and independent and FWIW, we all attended top 20 universities and are "successful". Agree with a previous poster that I am the most emotionally healthy out of the three and we agree, I am the happiest and most satisfied with life...maybe having less pressure overall and not living to please my parents 24/7 contributed to that.
I think it's really the parents' responsibility though to treat their children equally and to give them the same opportunities. I think these days, there's so much attention to birth order and outcomes that parents are better at managing each child's individual strengths and needs. As a middle, I didn't worry about making my DS a middle (currently pregnant with #3!). But even in my own parenting, I do see how we naturally gravitate towards thinking first and foremost about DD's future and extra-curriculars more than DS (they are really little though, just 4 and 2 now), it's just natural. But something we will have to keep in check for sure when #3 comes along as we will naturally want to "baby" this one as it's our last!
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@mrs.kiwi: @LCTBQE: You both point out reasons why I don't want a 3rd - I'm going to be older and tired than I already am with my second!! I plan to post a question about having three kids soon since I'm considering it. But each day I am more tired than the next already!
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Middle child of 3 with 2 brothers, so only girl. I was miserable growing up. I think it had a lot to do with my mom just plain being a terrible person though. She tried to mold me into what she wanted me to be, and was emotionally abusive. I took the brunt of so much because I could never stand up for myself. My older brother got some of it because he was older, but my younger brother was the favorite. So he got whatever he wanted. It was tough!
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