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Ugh that sounds sooo annoying!!!

My mom is super helpful but my mil just likes to hold the baby. I had a third degree tear and literally couldn't walk. And I was hobbling around making me own tea while she sat on her ass. Like thanks??!

I would say no to Easter!! Sounds like you'll have a lot of dishes.

We had just a few people over for Thanksgiving when lo2 was a month old. Almost 2 months. But still very much doing the newborn stuff. I was not nursing but still pumping. They brought food, they cleaned up, we dealt with whatever was left. They made their own leftovers. It was easy to take care of the kids because we stayed home and didn't have a toddler running around someone else's house. So I actually didn't mind at all!

There were times though where MIL would come over and hold baby and take over the tv and I'd clean up after everyone. I found that annoying but I but my tongue and I'm glad I did.

No advice but this is exactly what my parents did.

That is really tough! I would tell my mom, but we have that kind of relationship where it's ok to. If it were my in-laws it would be a lot trickier so I can understand if you're not able to say much. As for Easter, maybe we would suddenly have the stomach bug and not want to spread it. Or have her bring all the food in her serving/cooking dishes and say that sorry, it's a paper plate meal because you can't deal with the dishes! And send leftovers home in the serving dishes too so you don't have to wash them. Whatever will cause the least amount of drama! Good luck and I hope it gets easier soon!

I can commiserate. I can count the times my in-laws have visiting our house in the past five years (because they hate our dogs).
Since we had our daughter two weeks ago, they have visited six times. They bring dinner, which I really appreciated, but we have to use all of our dishes. My MIL is pretty judgey so we always have to clean significantly before they get here. We have to lock the dogs up and they whine the whole time. It takes FOREVER to eat and then they want to just sit on the couch and hold the baby. DH and I have to sit there an watch and make awkward small talk, which ends up being a lot of silence. It's "rude" to do chores while they are visiting. Ugh. I appreciate what they do, but there are so many things they could do that would be more helpful.

Can you try to point out things they can do to help right when they are doing them? Like when your dad makes the drink, can you ask him to put the stuff away before he finishes making the drink? I also like the paper plate idea.
Sorry you have to deal with this!

Ugh! I would be really frustrated too. Do they call before coming over? Maybe you could decline a few visits just to get a little space? I'd have a hard time outright telling someone to do my dishes or whatever, so I'd personally be a little passive-aggressive and decline visitors for a couple days.

I agree with blaming it on the doctor- and it isn't even a lie, you need to take it easy, the doctor just didn't think it was necessary to spell out don't clean up after your parents. Tell them you're basically on bed rest and that they are welcome to come and help out but otherwise it would be best if they wait a few weeks. And then leave a list of things you need help with.

Congratulations on your baby! I hope you get to rest!

Yep, this is exactly what my in-laws did when they visited at 3 weeks postpartum. It makes me grateful that they live on the other side of the country. I would decline the Easter plans if I were you.

@erinbaderin: Ugh, I hated this after having my LO! My mom was more stress than help to me, and it made me so frustrated at times. She would sit on the couch and watch TV and hold the baby all day, and that is all I wanted to do!

I rapidly got the to the point where I realized I was too tired to try and worry about offending people anymore. It's glorious and I"m not going back. I am in no way unkind or mean, but I will tell you exactly what I feel comfortable doing or not doing, and I have found if I don't get upset or make a huge deal about it, nobody else does either. I have not gone to several family functions due to LO's schedule/illness/etc, and while my mom doesn't like it, she has accepted it.

As for Easter, I would just calmly tell your family that you are tired/overwhelmed/any word you want to use and that you don't want to host this year, but your DH and toddler will gladly go wherever to celebrate and bring food. Stay home and snuggle that baby if you want! Good luck and congrats on the new LO!

I'm so sorry. Not quite the same because I didn't have a toddler at the time, but when my LO was born I was so worried about this with my MIL coming to visit. I feel compelled to "host" people-- or I did-- and in the past whenever she'd visit I'd end up making all our meals and doing all the cleanup and I just didn't want to do that with a newborn (and as it turned out I had a c-section as well). My solutions as to be VERY EXPLICITLY CLEAR with my husband about her visit. She wanted to come for 10 days and I told him I was not hosting. She could come, we could pay for food, but I was not cooking or cleaning or putting on a bra or leaving the couch to nurse and if she thought that was weird then too damn bad. It turned out fine (I have no idea if he explained this to her or she just got the hint) but she was pretty helpful that week in terms of making dinners and making herself scarce when I had my boobs out. And my husband kept me fed.

I guess I agree with @grace: mostly that you need to just be clear with them. It was easier for me because I didn't have a toddler that needed care and it was my MIL so I could put the burden of talking on my husband... but what was the same was that I felt physically and emotionally drained and I needed to get over caring what people thought of me because all I had energy for was taking care of my newborn and, to a lesser extent, myself.

@erinbaderin: Time to speak your mind, mama.
When I had my son, I told my mom and dad--if there are dishes when you leave, you cannot come the day after.
I told them I wasn't healing well enough and they were not helping with my healing. It was hard for me to talk to them but they seemed less than surprised.

For Easter,
tell them flat out, I have been doing too much, if Easter involves me getting off the couch, I can't participate. I cannot cook. I cannot clean. I cannot set the table. I can nurse the baby, maybe change diapers, and that is it. I cannot put your dirty glasses away. I cannot help.
And then leave it up to them.

That is so hard. Good luck!

Heck no to Easter at your house! Just be direct and tell them it's too much and you don't want to do it. Offer to go to their house then you can leave as soon as you're ready.

@Grace: I was the same way, which is exactly why you have to be clear about what you need.

I think parents and in-laws generally want to be helpful, but often don't know exactly what you need. And I think it's fine to be pretty direct about your needs, so long as your delivery is kind, you know? I always think about how I would want my own children and my future son or daughter in law to approach me in the future and try to go from there.

My parents came right when C was born and did this and stayed for 2 weeks! I felt obligated to let it go, because they live a state away so they don't see my kids much and C is likely their last grandchild. But it really irked me, especially because MIL was the opposite and was incredibly helpful during her visit. If my parents lived close enough to visit several times a week, I'd be more direct "The baby is find, but it'd be great if you could do XYZ for me." (Although asking for help like that is *really* hard for me.) If they don't like that they'll stop asking. I also say to nurse wherever you dang well please! It's your house!
For Easter, definitely decline to host. It's no big deal. Easter happens every year and you can host the next one. Let them know it's just too much to tidy the house before and after and you need to rest. There's nothing wrong with that!