Hellobee Boards

I'm sorry you feel criticized. Personally I would never accept that from my DH. He is completely disrespecting you and from Some of your other posts it seems that it's a regular theme in your relationship. I could never stand to be disrespected like that. I would tell DH that if he can do it better, he is more than welcome to do it. Otherwise he needs to zip it! He is not your boss, he is your partner.

My son is 2.5 and he is covered in bruises and scrapes, the most recent gash on his chin isfrom when he slipped in the bathtub because he wasn't listening to me. I felt terrible about it but my husband immediately said it wasn't my fault and this is to be expected with kids, there will be much worse to come.

You do need to be on the same page, though, especially with something like tubes. If he's not onboard, with the approach, then what does he suggest as alternatives? I would phrase it like this, too, just to see what he says.

@irene: I would turn it around on him, ask him what he would do differently to prevent ear infections. Honestly, in my experience, with some kids, they're just prone. You can treat the symptoms, like giving allergy medication to reduce the thickness of the fluid, but I would rather just do tubes and not go through the hassle of givng medication. But that's just me, the path of least resistance mom.

@irene: Aw man, I'm sorry! It just makes it so much more stressful on Mommas when people doubt us.

DH is similar. He grew up with very stereotypical roles, and we're working on that... I typically do all baby related chores while he does work/house stuff. When there's something wrong he does ask me if it's "because you did xyz". Sometimes it's a legit question, sometimes it comes off as attack-y. I just have to take a deep breath and try to stay calm and remind myself I know that I'm doing a great job. (He's a great dad/hubby, he just doesn't GET it sometimes)

@irene: I have a very thin skin when it comes to criticism, especially when it comes to raising the kids, so whenever I hear an inkling of criticism or disrespect from Wagon Sr. about what I'm doing with the kids, I absolutely flip the freak out. And he's VERY involved with the hands-on work of taking care of the kids. So I personally would not take that kind of criticism. I just read that his dad does the same to his mom, so obviously he's just doing what he knows because that's what he grew up seeing. Obviously it's up to you how much you are willing to take, but I personally would work on it until he changes. Whenever Wagon Sr. does this I really flip out. I can't function as part of a team where my partner doesn't trust me fully.

I would metaphorically punch him in the nuts if I thought he was implying I was a bad parent, and DH definitely doesn't blame me for things like LO getting sick, but DH definitely thinks I make a lot of illogical decisions and questions me about them. I don't think he intends to be mean or critical, but I hear a ton of "why would you do X? It makes so much more sense to do Y." We have had several "come to Jesus" moments on this, and I've basically told him that he needs to bite his tongue and pick his battles if he would like to have any semblance of calm and harmony in his home life.

I also feel like it has helped (me, at least) to own my decisions, and to stop second-guessing my decisions or feeling like I have to justify them. If he asks why I loaded the dishwasher a certain way, I'll say "because I wanted to, and it's not a big deal, so you'll live with it." If he asked if LO's gums were bleeding because I brushed too hard, I'd probably just say "Nope." I think because DH comes off as so confident all the time, I just kind of assumed for a long time that his way of doing things was better, but now I feel more confident that he doesn't always have the perfect answers (he just likes to sound that way!) and even if his way might be more efficient, it doesn't mean my way is WRONG.

The toothbrush one wouldn't bother me but I'd probably ask him to try doing it next time to see if it happens again. But neither of us would be offended by that, it would just be a part of trying to figure out what was going on.

But we say thank you and compliment each other a lot, more so now that we're parents, so that might be why I'd be less likely to be irritated. He realized how sensitive it is to hear people imply that they would do things differently so he makes sure to give lots of compliments. I do the same thing for him because I saw a few of our dad friends back off in the first couple years because of lack of self confidence and the mom always correcting. As for thanking each other more, we both are tired and doing a lot so I think we both realized that it's good to show that we appreciate the effort that goes into family time. I think those two things - regular thanks and compliments - make it so any different parenting styles we may have is taken more as a conversation than an attack.