I have a 3 week old and a 2.5 year old and I know that two kids is new for us and it will take time to adjust, but right now I am feeling like the worst mother in the world. I end up getting overwhelmed and frustrated by LQ1 everyday and I then I feel so terrible. Why can't I just have more patience with her? Today for example she asked to eat lunch on the back porch. I agreed only because I didn't want to fight her into her booster seat at the kitchen table. While she was out there messing around she dumped her lunch everywhere. I knew it was an accident so I didn't yell, but I just let out a completely exasperated sigh. The sigh did not go unnoticed by LO1 and she dropped her head and asked if she could skip lunch and take a nap. Broke my heart. It seems like everyday we have a moment like this where she sees that I am frustrated just by the look on my face and becomes despondent. I feel like I am totally screwing up our relationship, but I also feel like I can barely manage the newborn and normal toddler behavior. Sorry for the long post, and no question really. Just wanted a place to confess I guess.
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I felt like that too, til about the 6 or 8 week mark. I think it's partly hormones, and partly it just being a big adjustment. When I look back at it, I feel like I was in a haze or something. I found it harder to adjust to 2 than I did to adjust to our first. People told me that the feelings would pass, and I didn't believe them, but they did. I remember crying and crying to my husband that i was failing both of them. Now that my youngest is 12 weeks, I feel totally on top of things and like a good mom! So anyway, you're not alone. It's a HARD adjustment, and you're still recovering so try to be as gentle on yourself as you can!
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hug. I only have one so no advice but I was all consumed by my newborn so nothing but respect for you managing that plus a toddler. As you fall into a routine I am sure it will feel more manageable.
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This happens daily at our house too... ds has even started copying my sighs.
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I have a few more months of just one and I still do that to my lo at times. No advice. It'll be ok.
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I just wanted to respond with lots of hugs because I feel like I could have/ can write this post. I have a 6 month old and a nearly 3 year old (they seem like your LOs spacing exactly) and to be honest even now at 6 months post new baby I feel guilty. My LO2 was colicky and is now a really high needs baby so a lot of attention has and still does go to her on a daily basis. I feel guilty all the time my older LO is getting a mother who is always tired, frustrated and exasperated with her. What helps us and our relationship is to have special time just my older LO and I. Even if it's something as simple as sitting outside with an ice pop while the baby naps helps make our day to day feel better. I also have to stop myself and remind myself that although LO1 seems so big compared to the baby in reality she is still a baby too and I have to keep my expectations of her in check. Lastly, what has really saved my sanity is having an iron clad bedtime for both as soon as I could establish it (for us it was around 3 months old). I have found that having the time in the evening to spend with DH and decompress really helps me feel ready for the challenges ahead for the next day. Please don't be so hard on yourself. You are doing the best you can and two kids are really hard on everyone to adjust (especially you!) so cut yourself a break (I should tell myself that too lol)
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@TiredmommaMD: you are not alone! It's still a hard adjustment. I had days in the early months where I would get so extremely frustrated by my older one. Even though I knew it was an accident. I yelled so much and hated that id become the mom that yelled. I made a conscious effort to stop yelling and I really think it's gotten better.
It gets better. Promise.
My girls are 3.5 and 11 months now and it absolutely bursts my heart to watch them play together! -
I only have one and I have days like these. Dd dropped her toy the other day and did one of my exasperated sighs. I felt awful. I can only imagine how much more stressful it will be when I add a second to the mix in 8 weeks. Hugs!
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No advice since I only have one but I just want to give you a huge hug.
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Hang in there!! Toddlers are soooo challenging, newborn or not.
We are about to welcome #2 in to our home with a 2 year old and I'm not expecting an easy time. My toddler is already a handful and I feel like I fall short most days too.
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We all have days like these! Being aware means you're actively trying to do better and that's a wonderful thing! How you handle the situation after you act negatively is important and can go a long way in keeping your relationship positive. Apologize and let her know you're tired or having a tough day. Even if she doesn't fully understand its setting a good example for her. Be gentle with yourself. The newborn days are hard!!
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Big hugs, Mama! The transition from 1 to 2 is really rough. When we first brought home Logan, it felt like everything Xander did was frustrating us and I had so little patience. It was really hard for all of us! But after 6-8 weeks, things definitely started getting better. I was getting more sleep and Xander was getting used to Logan, and we just stopped being frustrated all the time. You'll get there.
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@TiredmommaMD: I just wanted to say that it will get better. You are still basically in "Boot Camp" at 3.5 weeks. Your sleep is crap. That changes everything. I have a now 3 month old and a 2.5 yr old. I would snap also, getting so frustrated with my older LO...One day I even told her to shut up because she was so loud and I was FINALLY able to get the baby down. When I realized what I had done, I wanted to just crawl in a hole and die. I couldn't believe what a crap mom I was to my beautiful, sweet, amazing toddler. Around 6 weeks, everything seemed to come together. DD2 started sleeping better and her schedule kind of fell a little more into place, and maybe my hormones quit raging....Everything got better then, and continued to get better. At 3 months old, things are golden. I actually had both of my girls this weekend by myself because my husband is out of town and I enjoyed them so much after working all week.
It will get better
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Thanks everyone for the encouragement. It helps to know I am not alone. I just can't help but think that my postpartum hormones may be doing irreparable damage to my LO.
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@TiredmommaMD: It's the postpartum hormones that are making you think that you're doing irreparable damage! We had a really hard time, and now we're better than ever.
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@autumn865: I find myself trying to keep in mind that my eldest is still a baby too. She's 2.5, but very tall and very verbal, so most people think she's 4. I think even I forget sometimes that she's not. Telling myself, "She's just 2," really does help.
The other thing that helps is reminding myself, "She's not giving me a hard time, she's HAVING a hard time." I chant that like a mantra and it helps me to empathize with her and not take her behavior personally.
@TiredmommaMD: I think the fact that you're feeling bad if a good indication that you are a good, caring mother! It's highly unlikely that you are doing irreparable damage (...and I'm a therapist, so I would know! Lol!). This is a rough period that will in all likelihood improve soon! My girls are 8w and 2.5 and I feel your pain! It's tough!!! Like a PP mentioned, 6w was a turning point for us too. LO started sleeping for longer stretches and I noticed my patience and mood improve accordingly.
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@TiredmommaMD: First of all hugs to you! Don't beat yourself up!!!
Second - I tried parenting with a somewhat different perspective. Right around when my LO2 was born someone posted an article on here (that I now cannot for the life of me find
) that raised the question which child should come first - the older child/ren or the newborn and it stated that it is best to tend to the older child first because that child will actually remeber whereas yes the baby might cry for the two minutes it takes to fix lunch for the older one but it won't remember in the long run. That change in perspective made lots of things easier for me.
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Hugs! I hope it gets better for you. You're doing better than I am! My kids have the same age difference and I'm not even trying to take care of my oldest yet. He's still in day care. It's really painful to send him off every morning, but if he was home he would just be bored silly because all I do is feed the baby, with some laundry and feeding myself thrown in
Taking care of both if your kids must be so hard!
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I wish I could reach through the computer and hug you. I go through this now still at 4 months. I try my best to stay calm and do fun stuff with DD1 but I find myself sighing or snapping when something happens (like an entire cup of strawberry milk ended up on my kitchen floor because she threw a fit due to me shaking it instead of stirring it) sometimes it's just overwhelming. You are not alone!
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Right there with you (except 2.5 and 5 weeks.) Some days are better than others. And my toddler has been sick (with fever and stomach bug) twice since my littlest was born, which made him very clingy and he cried all day--he wanted me and I needed to be with baby. DH also had no paternity leave. All of which combined to make me snappy and have a super short temper. I've definitely seen my actions crush my poor little one's spirits. I try to balance it out with as many positive moments as I can (they say it takes 5 positive remarks to counteract a negative one.) We can only do the best we can do. Good luck, Mama!
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It's a hard adjustment! It's ok for kiddos to learn that mama sometimes needs a minute before getting to them and that cleaning up messes isn't always fun. Once lo2 came I became more honest with lo1, it seemed to help her understand better if I asked her to help pick up her spill because mama has to do xyz or mama is just frustrated because lo2 spilled something too and there's so many spills! It takes awhile to get adjusted but they do and I think by explaining she doesn't feel like it's her and she's on my team. Also making sure the I love yous and compliments outweigh the negatives by a good number. Good luck, it gets better!
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Also signing lo1 up for a class was nice. It was something she looked forward to and we could talk about afterwards. She felt like a big girl too that babies couldn't do classes.
hug. I only have one so no advice but I was all consumed by my newborn so nothing but respect for you managing that plus a toddler. 
Taking care of both if your kids must be so hard!
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