I'm not sure if this is the right place for a question like this, but hopefully people will see it and chime in if they have any thoughts.

As some of you may have read, my partner and I (we are lesbians) are trying to conceive using donor sperm. I just wrote a long post abut it here: http://boards.hellobee.com/topic/my-experience-so-far-with-at-home-ai

Anyway, we are using a donor who we found through a great website called prideangel.com. We are so happy with him so far. He seems kind, intelligent, interesting, and he has been wonderful and very respectful to work with. We knew from the beginning that he isn't caucasian, but honestly ethnicity wasn't part of our decision. My partner and I are both caucasian.

SO...we did 5 inseminations this cycle, and are in the two week wait now. It occurred to me, mostly because other people have asked, that we never did find out where our donor's ancestors are from. I feel that it's important to know, because they will potentially be our future baby's ancestors as well.

So I emailed our donor and asked him what ethnicities he is. I felt that we have gotten to know each other a bit now, and that I was justified in asking because we are possibly already pregnant with his baby! He responded with a short, possibly curt (although through email it's hard to tell) note about how he doesn't believe in race or ethnicity because he feels we are all a mix of everything, and that he is looking into his family tree and might let us know what he finds later this year. He also said that it's a sensitive subject for him and that it's the first question most people ask him.

I get that, and definitely didn't want to ask too early, but he's donated already and we are in this thing now, so I thought it was an ok time. I feel bad for touching on a sensitive subject, but I also still feel that it's important to know as it will directly affect our child's life.

So my questions is, how to I respond? I am trying to say the right thing, but I'm not sure it's fair at this point for him to just not answer. Surely he has an idea of where his ancestors are from (even if he doesn't want to call it ethnicity), right?

Also, any parents of mixed-race children, how do you deal with this? Has anyone had babies who are different in ethnicity from the parents, either through sperm or egg donation, adoption, or any other way I'm not thinking of? I'm in uncharted territory and I know it's only the beginning of these sorts of questions, so I want to educate myself sooner rather than later!