I'm sick to my stomach after reading this horrible story...
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This story is horrific... I wish I hadn't read it...
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@Adira: I could barely read it. I choked up when they described the condition the kids were in.
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@snowjewelz: Ugh, that's the part where I had to start skimming it to make sure they got their children back! I don't understand how you can have your children taken away from you for negligence and then put them somewhere where they actually ARE neglected! It's hard enough to be a parent these days without having to worry about something like THIS.
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This is so backwards. Horrible.
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I can't even read the whole story. What a complete nightmare
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There are no words. I am absolutely horrified.
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awful. I can't even imagine, I probably wouldn't be fit to care for my kids by the time I got them back bc of the emotional distress I would undergone.
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I feel like this is so relevant to conversations on these boards where people insist it's their right to call CPS on another parent when they disagree with a parenting decision. Worth resharing what parents actually go through when this happens.
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That whole scenario makes me sick to my stomach. I cannot fathom having to go through something like that knowing that I could not be with and protect my children.
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Ugh. I still can't stop thinking about this. Like, I get that there's a system in place and protocols in place to supposedly protect children from real abuse and real neglect. But if the system sucks, then it's just a loose-loose for the children and that makes me so, so sad. They either are stuck with abuse/neglect, or taken away into conditions that are no better or even worse....
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@Adira: exactly this.
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I'd like to know more details - the story seems incomplete.
How old was Vincent? Did the article mention that? What kind of "patio" was the child on - like a "fenced in" balcony or completely open? What did the patio face to? Sidewalk? Green belt? Street?
I think these are relevant facts that are missing from the story.
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@pinkcupcake: I actually don't think any of that is relevant.
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@Adira: disagree.
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@Adira: Agreed. I can tell you that I've had my almost 5 year old sit on our front step when he's done something like hit his brother. We were in the driveway feet away from him, but isn't that the same as being inside the house at the door? It all seems so misconstrued.
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@2PeasinaPod: I think a 5yo is different from say, a 2 year old who can wander off in a second. Did I miss how old this child was?
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@pinkcupcake: I think if the only negative consequence had been separation from the parents for a short period of time, those facts might have been more relevant. But to me, the story here is not whether or not the CPS call was valid, it's what happened following the CPS call. The children were put in a situation that wasn't safe for them and where they were not properly cared for, and the case dragged on for TWO months before the family was reunited. What's the point of a system designed to protect children if it does more harm than good?
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@pinkcupcake: I think the parents know their child best. If a child is inclined to run off, they are less likely to leave them somewhere they can easily escape. I have two children - one's a runner and the other isn't. Only my husband and I would know the best ways to discipline them, what works, and whether putting them on the patio would be a concern or not. I think this mom knew what she was doing when she put his child on the patio to finish his tantrum. His age and anything else aren't relevant to me, as I still wouldn't know her child or their circumstances as well as she does.
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@Truth Bombs: Agree. The main take-away from this wasn't that CPS was called to investigate, but that her children were then neglected (and in one case, misplaced for hours??) and that the case dragged on unnecessarily while the entire family suffered.
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@pinkcupcake: I actually agree that it is relevant, because maybe an already overburdened CPS wouldn't have even taken the kids if it didn't seem like a real threat. Or maybe they did. That DOESNT excuse what happened to those kids afterward, and during the ordeal. Obviously a lot of "mistakes" (that seems like a lenient word) were made, but the story does seem a little incomplete to me too to be honest.
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@PawPrints: true.. I keep thinking something must have prompted the initial call in the first place, but now that I read your comment and remember all the times people on here say they would call CPS for things that many others of us see as unnecessary, maybe it was a totally out there kind of call. It's just so hard to say. I feel for the family because either way, now we know the kids were safer at home.
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For what it's worth, "Mary" talks about taking her 2 year-old with her to get fingerprints - that should be the toddler they are referring to.
She also described the setting as "a secure, gated apartment complex, and there are at least 4 feet of hedges between the sidewalk and our patio."
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This scares me. It shouldn't but it does. I get that there has to be a system and protocols for stuff like this but I don't like that the wrong decision could so easily be made and especially that it takes so long to rectify it. I find it ironic that there are way worse instances of abuse that slip through the cracks but then something like this happens.
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this is just my opinion, whether it's right or wrong. In my opinion, it's risky to leave a two year old alone on an unfenced patio. It's risky and not a risk I would take, but obviously this woman does not have the same risk olerance as me. But then again, I have a very low risk tolerance when it comes to my kids. I don't even let my 5-yo play alone in a part of our yard that is unfenced.
I need to go back and read it again more thoroughly to see if CPS made a statement. All I'm saying is - I think there is more to this story and it seems incomplete.
And, FWiw, I used to work for children's services (as an attorney) and there were many, many times when it felt like you just can't win. If the caseworker doesn't take it seriously enough andnsomething terrible happens - it's awful. If they take it too seriously and cautiously - it's awful. It's a really, really tough job.
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@Raspberry: It was Mary's friend, who took temporary custody of the kids, who took her 2 year old with her to get fingerprints.
Regardless. Age of the child is irrelevant to the core issue here, which is the treatment the family and children by DCFS. These are not simple mistakes made by staff. That's a gross neglect of policies and procedures. They should be following up and regularly inspecting the facilities where they send children (IN THEIR CARE) to ensure they are clean and able to provide appropriate care. This makes me sick to my stomach.
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@pinkcupcake: Your response makes it sound like you believe this family deserved what happened to them.
Whether you would do this or not isn't relevant. This woman was making a parenting choice that is different than one you would make, but no one in her family deserved what happened to them.
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@littlebug: Ah, thanks.
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@Adira: i said that? Where in my response did I say they deserved what happened to them?
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@pinkcupcake: I didn't say you said it. I said your response make it sound like you think they deserved it.
Wanting to know all these details seems like a way to find reason to blame them for what happened to them. Saying you would never do that implies that doing so makes them deserve what happened to them.
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@pinkcupcake: I still don't agree with you on what's the important part of the story. Yes, I totally understand that CPS can be put in a tough situation where they need to balance the negative aspect of separating a family with the need for a thorough investigation before reuniting the children with their parents. But to me, that balance only becomes the focus if the children were in a safe place and being well cared for while the investigation took place. If my exclusively breastfed child was taken from me, no one would get my breast milk to him, then gave him formula which caused him to vomit and lose weight and oh yeah he was LOST for half a day, I would be suing everyone even closely related to the case. Even if the parents were grossly negligent/abusive/etc (which they clearly were not), it doesn't seem like the children were any better off in the state's custody.
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@Adira: thanks for your assumptions. I think it's pretty common to want to know more facts before jumping to conclusions. Not sure why wanting to get more details means that I'm looking to blame someone. I'm not engaging with you any further.
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@Truth Bombs: I actually really appreciate your response. Thanks for engaging in a respectful manner and for not making any assumptions. I can see your point.
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@Truth Bombs: Yes, this exactly! The circumstances leading up to CPS being involved are IRRELEVANT to this story. The story is about the horrible neglect (for MONTHS) the children received while they were supposed to be in safe custody while the situation was being investigated. How CPS came to be involved isn't relevant - thus the age of the child and the situation of the patio don't matter.
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@pinkcupcake: I'm going to ASSUME that was a dig at me. Thanks.
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I agree that what happened prior to CPS is not important to this story. Maybe there was cause for concern; maybe there wasn't. What really got me is how horribly the children were treated. One was filthy, one had puss coming out
Ah, I just can't.
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This is just awful. There should have been some point during the initial police encounter/questioning when they realized taking the kids was unnecessary. The fact that they were all too afraid to do their jobs correctly is concerning.
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This is nuts. I definitely know several people in my circle who have had the cops show up on their doorstep because someone called in during one of their toddler tantrums (two times - separate families - it was toddler was having a complete hysterical screaming fit inside their parked car in their covered garage and the toddler wouldn't calm down so the parent left them in there strapped in with the car door open while they took other siblings inside for a second). The unusual part of the story was that the children were removed - it's quite common that people call the cops here on parents. But usually the police just question the parents for a long time and make sure the child is physically unharmed and then they leave. This two month saga is ridiculous.
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This is so sad.
I started reading this article (it is long) that kind of shows both sides a little. Kind of horrific that someone could just come in and take your kids because of one mistake or accident or episode of poor judgement. I mean how scarring for the kids to just be taken away like that and their parents can't do anything. I understand that it's a judgement call and ultimately trying to protect the kids but still so sad and scary to think about the situations where families are needlessly ripped apart.
http://www.newyorker.com/magazine/2017/08/07/when-should-a-child-be-taken-from-his-parents?mbid=synd_digg -
Seems too crazy to be real.
My parents had the police called on them when my youngest brother was an infant. My mum was painting downstairs and he woke up crying. He didn't want me and he was super attached to my mum. He was probably crying for 10 minutes. She went out to run errands after with him and my siblings and I was home (15 at the time) and a police officer showed up at the door asking if my parents were there and if there was a baby there. It really scared me and he came back later to talk to my mum, but that was as far as it went.
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