So, we had a ton of issues (weak sucking reflex, mastitis 3 times, inability to ever pump over 1 oz even with an upgraded rental from the hospital, slow weight gain, etc) and at about 3.5 months when her demand was increasing but my supply was not following suit, I upped her supplementing and cut one session of nursing out. This soon turned into bottle preference which really tanked my supply in November. In the last 2 weeks I've only nursed morning/evening but my supply really dropped and now at 5 months I am only attempting once a day.

My BF issues led to some PPD and I started counseling in October which definitely helped me process the whole journey. I've mainly accepted how things have turned out but I got REALLY sad when I realized I didn't nurse at all one day during traveling for the holidays, with no fullness ever occurring. I just had really hoped to keep the AM/PM sessions for a while longer. While I don't miss the constant battle of trying to make it work for us, I really wanted the bonding time from just those twice a day sessions.

I don't quite know why I am posting this, I just feel sad today that things didn't go the way I wanted - as much as the logical part of me understands why I began the weaning process. I just am asking a lot of what-ifs even though I know I tried EVERYTHING in the book to make it work.