I was reading another post and it made me curious how you and your families incorporate tradition, culture, and religion if you and your partner (or extended family) have different perspectives or beliefs regarding religion. What was your thought process? How has it changed before/after kids?
For secular or semi-religious bees - How do you incorporate tradition and religion into your family?
Aug 13, 2013You might also enjoy...
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My husband and I are both atheists, but both of our families and siblings are religious (to differing degrees). His family is Catholic, mine is liberal protestant.
We have started saying a secular grace when we are at home and we volunteer at different places on days that are meaningful to us (grandparent's birthdays, special anniversaries). We usually attend Christmas services with my parents. We also like to take a little time on the weekend to reflect and be in nature.
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We are both atheists. My parents are somewhere between agnostic and atheist and my husband's parents are: Catholic (mom - very nonreligious day-to-day though), and his step-mom says she isn't religious but insists on saying Grace before every meal. I don't believe any of them attend church services.
We celebrate secular/traditional holidays: Christmas, Easter, etc. We never attend church and don't ever plan to do so. We don't say Grace. We volunteer, and our giving is based on our belief that we are all responsible members of our community and that because we are fortunate, we should give back. So, it's a feeling of social responsibility rather than a religious one. Plus, it's fun to give back and be involved!
We just focus on living honest, ethical and moral lives. We don't believe in God, and don't believe we need to in order to know how to live as "good people"
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No kids yet (trying), but I've given a lot of thought to this because we're atheists and my family are all fundamentalist Southern Baptists. (And I can't help but wonder if it's my thread that prompted this. ^_^)
We do plan to celebrate religious holidays that are mainstream, like Christmas and Easter. I'd like to also consider incorporating other religions, like Hannukah but since I don't know a lot about those I'm not sure.
Specifically with Christmas, I'm personally completely obsessed with it. It's my favorite time of year, I start listening to Christmas music by October, and decorate by Thanksgiving. So obviously my kids will be celebrating it. We'll teach them the story of the birth of Jesus and all (explaining it as a story that some believe is true), but also other history related to it. I think by including the the pagan roots of Christmas (and Easter) and including some of those OLD traditions in our celebrations, it keeps it from being so secular that it's just about gifts, or too religious. I have the Autobiography of Santa Clause (http://www.amazon.com/The-Christmas-Chronicles-Jeff-Guinn/dp/1585428302/ref=sr_1_3?ie=UTF8&qid=1376429149&sr=8-3&keywords=jeff+guinn+santa, and which I absolutely ADORE, especially for kids). It has a Christian slant to it, since Santa was a bishop after all, and pretty sure the author is Christian, but only to a degree that I consider appropriate. And learning the history behind the myth is fascinating, but it's presented in a way that makes it a fun story, but also seems pretty fantastic (in the original use of the word) so it doesn't seem like fact. (Also, each of the three books in the version I linked to is 24 chapters, so perfect for reading a chapter a night to LO's in December.)
Also, my kids will not attend any church services until they're older, minimum 5 (the age when they start to understand fact and fiction). After that it'll be based on their requests, and still at my/DH's discretion.
Wow, I rambled a bit. All that to say that basically we're not going to pretend religion doesn't exist, but neither will we let it become a huge deal or motivator. Morals will be based on actual right and wrong, not what some holy books (with some very questionable morality) say, and holidays will be celebrated for their history, and the connection it gives us to our ancestors to celebrate the same things they did. My family will be allowed to teach them their beliefs, but ONLY if prefaced by some form of "I believe," which is also what we'll do regarding our beliefs (though some of ours will be more "studies show").
(Did any of that actually make sense? I would love to have a "preview post" option on here.)
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And holy wow could I use just a few more parentheticals?
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My husband and I plan to celebrate the holidays we grew up with but in a more secular way. He was raised Jewish and I was raised Catholic, so we plan to do Hanukkah and Christmas and probably Easter as well. We'll explain the religious significance of the holidays as something people believe in (as Torchwood mentioned) but really focus on the time to celebrate life with family.
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We celebrate secular versions of Christmas, Halloween and (vaguely) Easter. We talk through a lot of questions around ethics with Charlie (Olive can't really talk too much yet) and what is good and bad. I talk about honor, obligation and other Japanese concepts with Charlie too.
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I just want to say how thoughtful you guys are. We're not religious although my in-laws are extremely Christian. I hadnt really thought about the details of raising our son in a non-religious way but your responses have got me thinking. Thanks! I love the HelloBee community for just this type of post.
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Both DH and I come from religious backgrounds, DH from Pentecostal and my mom & dad were JW & are now Baptist. DH is an atheist and I am non-religious, I usually just say spiritual. We do secular Christmas and Easter. We want to create our own traditions. I would love to have LO meditate with me
My mom wants to take LO to church when she's older and we would allow it. I'm not sure I want her to go to DH's family church because it made me uncomfortable and I think can be frightening for children if you're not used to the manner in which that particular church does sermons.
I would like to enroll LO in one of the UU classes on religion for children because they explore different religions. DH and I both volunteer and plan to have LO learn about the importance of community, volunteering, and being kind to her neighbors through our family volunteering activities.
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We have found our own ways to incorporate religion into we life. We have a book about first bible words and say a basic meal time and bed time prayer. We don't make it to church as often as my parents would like.
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This is going to be a really hard thing for us, I think. Right now, we're dealing with it by living really far away from our families and not really doing anything for holidays. I'm a little afraid for Christmas this year, though, with a little one.
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Our families are both Jewish. Dh is an atheist, I Identify as culturally Jewish but otherwise agnostic. We will do family dinners on holidays like Rosh hashana, and maybe have a menorah if LO shows interest. Other than that we don't plan to do anything...no plans to take LO to temple unless he explicitly asks to go.
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We haven't done anything to date really. Attended a few services, but that's it.
I *think* we've decided to baptize the girls into the religion of both of our families, but there is a lot in that church that I struggle deeply with. This is an effort to impart some of our cultural and religious heritage... But we're not going to make them go to church when they are older and we'll surely expose them to lots of other faiths too. (and they'll get some of that exposure just by virtue of where we live because it's a rather one faith centric community).
We'll see how it all shakes out. It feels weird to commit to a particular direction!
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Slightly off topic, but I have to say how happy I am to see that there are other atheists and non-religious people on HB. I know I'll never be part of a majority unless it's an atheistic-specific site, but I'm really glad I'm not the only one either.
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Digging up this old post to see if anyone else has input. This has been incredibly helpful. DH and it were both raised Catholic. My family does not actively participate and will likely not have much of an opinion on our LOs religious upbringing. However, IL's are very involved in their church.
I love the ideas everyone has on celebrating secular versions of the holidays. We also hope to expose our children to many religions. As they get older and start asking questions, I plan on attending services with them. Also, if they want to attend Mass with IL's, I will support it.
We've decided we will not be baptizing our daughter. The subject hasn't come up yet, but I want to be prepared when it does. That is going to be an interesting convo...probably one I'll leave to DH.
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I'm an atheist and my wife identifies as catholic (though her belief system is really more agnostic in nature) and I actually really enjoy going to mass. We attended a gay friendly catholic church regularly in Portland where I hope to baptize our future babies when we visit for Easter. For most holidays we just focus on spending time with loved one and creating non religious traditions, such as cookie baking parties. We don't do Christmas presents.
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