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@JerricaBenton: Agreed.

Our daycare has the same rule. If you think about it, boys don't have the same "opportunity" to flash their underwear as girls do. I'm sure if a boy was wearing dresses or skirts, he would be held to the same standard.

I can see why this gives you the ick. However DD always wears bike shorts under dresses. Playing on the playground at 3 or 11 with a dress on and no bike shorts seems like it's not the right attire for the activity.

What concerns me more is when I'm at public events and little girls underwear is showing for whatever reason- there are creeps out there and until my kid knows how to keep her dress down- bike shorts it is.

I think you have every right to bring it up if it bothers you. But this dress code would not bother me.

I’m not sure if our daycare has a policy like this but it wouldn’t bother me. DD doesn’t usually wear dresses so it hasn’t been an issue. I don’t necessarily view this as a gender thing – I’m sure they don’t want boys showing their undies either.

Interesting. We don't have this as a specific rule, but I remember last summer, the teachers at our preschool started basically raiding DD's box of extra clothes and taking out the shorts to put under her dresses. When I asked about it, they said they recommended that the girls wear shorts for running around the playground. So this year, I bought a ton of bike shorts and DD wears those every day under her dresses. I never really felt weird about it because I figured that if I were to be very active with a dress on, I'd probably want something under there too. But I get where you are coming from.

I guess I see it more as fairness? Like they want everyone's underwear to be covered so no one is being harassed, so it seems fair to ask those who aren't wearing shorts/pants to cover up their business. I would similarly want a boy who was going commando and wearing baggy shorts to have some undies on too and keep his bits covered.

I suppose you could ask the daycare to word it more in a gender neutral way - like all children must wear underwear and pants/shorts that cover that underwear for privacy and safety. If a boy decided to wear a skirt or dress or kilt or whatever to school, I'd want him to have underwear and shorts covering his business up as much as a girl.

This might bother me at young ages (kids have much less awareness) but I think at 3.5 is reasonable to start teaching kids about privacy.

I am not so much a fan of their use of modesty - but thats just word smithing.

In general the policy makes sense. My DD is in preschool now (which is the 3-4 years classroom). In this room is when they introduce boys bathrooms and girls bathrooms - there is a small wall between the toilets within the separate bathrooms (teachers can see both but the students using the bathroom at the same time cant see each other). They also change in their bathrooms for water day and such. I think its an appropriate time to teach them to keep their privates private...which to me includes underwear.

All that said - I think what you did today is also totally fine. We're not perfect...laundry mishaps happen...not the end of the world. I'm sure it was not directed at you - rather maybe some parents who never send their kids in bike shorts...

We usually put on bike shorts with dresses but sometimes they are all dirty or she fights me, etc and we don't. Honestly, I would be put off by this request. The kids pee with the door open so if they told me the boys couldn't handle seeing the little girls underwear on the playground I'd have a strong opinion. I don't see why the teacher can't say "yep, that's Suzy's underwear, we all wear underwear" and move on.

My daughter is 2, and I always put shorts on under her dresses, based on my own childhood and preferences.

I went to a private school that required girls to wear dresses (which bothers me way more than the example you provided ) Back then, bike shorts under dresses weren't really a thing, and at recess the boys would often taunt the girls and threaten to look up our skirts if we were climbing on the playground equipment.

I don't want my daughter to ever feel uncomfortable or like she can't play, so even though she's still too young to really care, I always make sure she's covered under her skirts. It's probably overkill at this age, but getting that kind of note wouldn't really bother me because it's what I do already.

It sounds like language the daycare used about "privacy" and "modesty" for girls only is what was rubbing her the wrong way, and I totally agree with that - what a weird way to explain the rule.
As a grown up person who almost always wears shorts under my skirts and dresses so I can ride my bike comfortably, the policy itself makes sense to me. If you want to be active in a dress, it's good to have some shorts on underneath!

I don't have any problem at all with the rule. What is icky about it? I don't think undergarments should be seen. So if a girl wears a dress, please put shorts on underneath. And if a boy's shorts were too baggy and his undies showed, I would request a belt.

@Eminthevalley: I agree with @Truth Bombs, please don't judge if you don't have a girl. My almost 4 year old refuses to wear anything except dresses and will basically just hold the whole family hostage all morning if you attempt to put something else on her. I would love for her to wear the many shirts and shorts and pants that I have bought for her. But no, just dresses, every day. And judging by what her preschool friends wear to school, I'm guessing that this is common for girls her age.

@Smurfette: same. I have 2 girls - almost 4 and almost 2 and I don't have any issue with this it all. I also think it's practical - I don't want my girls to have to worry about keeping their dress down while they are cartwheeling or on the monkey bars or getting some awful plastic rash from sliding down a hot slide.

@Eminthevalley: I don't see how your mom forcing you to wear dresses is different then you saying we should force our daughters to wear pants. I would imagine you wouldn't have appreciated that either. In my house the rule is weather appropriate/activity appropriate clothes and for us dresses are fine but we do include shorts under (most days) I do it for her comfort since sliding in bare legs is terrible.

What about skorts? What if the policy requested those?

My son is older and in public school, so we don't have a uniform but rather a dress code. One of the items is a skort, or scooter as they advertise it. I never thought about it as anything other than an option for girls that wanted an integrated item of clothing. Heck, I wear them a ton in the summer. They also have a jumper without an integrated short.

Anither thing, maybe the kids are reacting to something on the underwear, like characters? If they were plan, I bet no one would pay attention, but maybe the kids are comparing? Could that be happening?

I agree that it's weird for this to be a big deal when they see each other go to the bathroom! My 3.5 year old wears bike shorts when they're clean and she agrees to it. Sometimes she will pull up her dress and I'll tell her not to, but I tell her that whether she has shorts on or not.

I have a feeling it probably felt more inappropriate to the teachers than the kids but can't say that for sure of course.

And my daughter is another that loves to wear dresses and skirts, so I buy comfortable ones for her. Trust me that she has zero problems playing in any kind of attire!

Sounds to me like the teachers and directors are sexualizing natural curiousity and exploration. I bet some of this distraction has to do with fun, character undies. I get that ick factor.

I'm in the same camp underwear should not be seen and boys shouldn't be allowed to go shirtless. Asking girls to come with shorts underneath dresses seems reasonable at that age with all the running around kids do, but how comfortable is another layer of clothing though? Our DCP requires socks and sneakers so the kids can play safely.

At my lo's school the kids do not see each other in the bathroom or anything like that. And in my experience, 3 - 4 is when they really start to notice the differences between boys and girls and are very interested in all that stuff, also private parts, poop etc being kinda funny things. I know my lo would have a fit if kids saw her undies and were laughing or whatever. That kind of a situation seems so much more likely to me than the sexualization of toddlers.

I wonder if one of the main reasons is because of all the character undies. Boys are typically hidden due to shorts but if girls have dresses, they may be lifting them up to show off certain characters, etc. I remember when my daughter was around 3 and she was constantly doing this because she was so excited about it. They may be trying to curb some of this? Just an idea.

I would not like a daycare teacher dictating to me what level of "modesty" is appropriate for a 3 year old. I don't understand why the increasing curiosity is a big deal to the teacher. Like another poster pointed out all the teacher needs to say is that it's undies and everyone wears them.

Making a big deal about privacy and modesty at that age is kinda gross. At my kids' daycare the bathroom are all open stalls. I'm sure they see each other's undies every day. My son had to go to the bathroom at his best friend's house during her 4th birthday party. She followed him in and kept talking to him while he pooped. I laughed about it with her mom later, but the kids just thought it was normal.

But with all that said, when I put dresses on DD I do use the diaper covers. And when she's older we'll probably do bike shorts if she doesn't object. But her clothes are my choice and her choice, not a daycare workers'.