Hellobee Boards

Yes! But my LOs don't see my parents as often (DHs even less) so I let it go.

In your case, is there any ability (despite the extra work) to send meals/snacks, play the "take the burden off" them role on prep and a light joke if tolerable to them that you don't want her as picky as them and effort to build a solid foundation mealwise? Is there a compromise or lesser evil in their options in your mind for her? My two will ask me for things they get at Grandparents when home now (ie...junk cereal) and I am like "nope, ask your Grandparents"!

My ILs do this also- I don't think they have the same concept of heathy food as we do (for instance they will give cinnamon teddy grahams for lunch "because they are wheat" and I think that they are cookies). They also have fed my DD things that I would 100% never give her without asking me first, like those sugar water Popsicles. They don't really listen to me when I try to tell them how I feed DD and that I don't want her to eat huge quantities of junk. We just don't have them watch her very often and I don't ask what they fed her when she goes there.

My dad likes to spoil her but we only see them a few times a year. He will also always ask before giving her something but I'm pretty lax with it since it's so rare.

However we have things that are only at grandma and pop pops house. Like, only pop pop has special Cheerios (honey nut or other flavored ones), we can't get them at our house. So far she accepts that kind of thing. But they also are giving her sweetened Cheerios, not giant cookies and donuts, so not quite the same.

If it's relatively infrequent, I'd probably let it go as well. I'd just explain to her that some of those things are special treats from grandma and grandpa and that we don't have those things at our house. I actually remember my grandma feeding me cookies for breakfast when she was in town and my grandfather on the other side bringing me to the grocery to let me pick out candy from the bulk candy bins. I remember those both being really special treats. I'm sure my mom was annoyed but I understood that those were not things that I would get to enjoy everyday and have really sweet memories of them spoiling me (my mom was a Jane Fonda workout fanatic and we were not allowed to even have sugary cereal much less cookies and candy regularly).

Yes but for me the issue is that we see them everyday. Every. Single. Day. And they offer DD1 the food then say "ask your mom first" so then WTF am I supposed to do? I can always say no but that wouldn't go down well. My MIl is okay about it but FIL and my husbands grandma just shovel crap food down their throats and all 3 will make comments in from of my DD about how mommy is no fun or doesn't let her have things or I'm being unfair when I say no to marshmallows after a cookie or a second cookie or whatever. It is maddening. My DH is extremely picky and the claims are that DH never even drank water until he was a teen which is crazy insane to me. I don't know what to do. i have no advice just commiseration and maybe a little perspective about frequency.

@Mrs. Sunshine: I address issues like that head on. I have straight up told family members not to contradict me in front of my kids. It clears things up quickly. Because frankly, that's complete bullshit. And as adults (and presumably parents themselves), they know better. They will do it for as long as you put up with it.

@pwnstar: you're right. I'm just not good with confrontation/don't want it to become a "thing" but you're totally right.

These threads always make me happy we have the grandparents (our parents) we do--they don't give our kids tons of junk--maybe a rare offer of ice cream or something when all the adults are having some, too. But not frequently and definitely not if I've said no!

@catlady: I can totally understand that. H eats pretty nutritious foods at daycare and at home, but she's super picky and sometimes all I can get in her are chicken nuggets (and only nuggets from CFA, she refuses all other nuggets). Often, she'll pick fruit for her side instead of fries too, so I feel better about getting the nuggets. Either way, I hope you are able to get on the same page with your parents and respecting your wishes for food. This is such a hard age and it's hard to get grandparents to adhere to what we say goes sometimes.

That's tough and can be so stressful. My parents have also introduced foods we haven't given our toddler, and it's always a question of when to let it go and when to say something. In regards to food, I kind of treat it like I treat any major parenting choice (like sleep routine, screen time). When my mom became more of third caregiver than an occasional babysitter, we had a bigger conversation about parenting styles. She really doesn't like setting limits because she wants to keep my LO happy, but that doesn't work when they're together regularly. Whoever is helping you with your child (nanny, daycare providers, family members) need to respect your parenting choices. I think it's up to you to decide what's "regular care." Maybe 2-3x a month isn't, and so letting it go is totally fine! But if you're worried about it, talk to them. Maybe they also need other ideas about "spoiling" too, not just food based? Good luck!

@yoursilverlining: This! True healthy eating habits include learning to have treats and other junk foods in moderation. Saying your child can never eat a happy meal, or a popcicle is pretty extreme and I really just think you'll drive yourself crazy trying to maintain that. Especially as your child gets older and starts asking for some of those things.

@catlady: i completely understand your frustration. Its a very difficult position to be in. At the recommendation of LO's dentist I actually bought them approved treats they could give her such as only hershey kisses rather than the sticky chewier candies they were giving her. As well as packing her meals. Its not a situation you can ever fully control because like you said they dont take you seriously. But I told my parents the dentist wasnt happy with her teeth and they were really hurting her by giving her so many sweets and that seemed to hit home a bit

2-3x a month wouldn't be worth the argument for me, but it's your kid and your rules. However, it sounds like a lot of the reasoning behind it is more your own anxiety over the "what ifs", which is a different issue. I totally get why you're worrying about the things you are, but I don't think you're giving yourself enough credit that you're setting a solid foundation for healthy eating at home, so that going to grandmas every now and then isn't going to turn your kids into horrible eaters.

I've spoken up about this even though we only see my parents for a weekend maybe once a month. I'm not super strict about sweets and if they have a happy meal once in awhile - ah well. But my parents were giving them sweets instead of dinner, then switched to several poscicles or like a shit ton of cookies after an incomplete meal plus Gatorade before bed. It made their behavior terrible and sleep impossible. It makes no logical sense to me why and not at all how they did things with us.

But I just am the bad guy and say no and take things away when I'm around and set limits. I also have brought up a couple times I don't like having to become the bad guy when they're around - my kids are their first grandkids so i think they're trying to figure things out.

I know exactly what you mean and this is something I have a hard time letting go of myself. Nothing is more frustrated when you prepare healthy options for your LO and they don't use it and just feed LO whatever they want. I've decided to more pick and choose my battles and one huge thing everyone knows is no soda. So, I might not fight about LO eating barely any real food and still getting treats like candy or cookies, but I do have to draw a hard line somewhere. I think when you give a little room and pick and choose things that are more important to you, it makes it easier for others to comply. They still get to "spoil" LO and you somewhat still get your way. So so hard, though, I completely understand where you're coming from.