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I wouldn’t be ok with it either. I don’t even love having one or two other kids over that destroys the playroom and kids’ rooms. I wouldn’t host unless they could play outside, honestly. But I guess that’s probably awkward if everyone is taking turns.

How do your kids behave at the other houses? It sounds like maybe the behavior needs to be addressed. I agree having kids over is stressful so i prefer not to do it but I do take a turn to be fair. That being said, I try to stay on top of the kids for their behavior and have an adult supervising them the whole time. I find when kids run off alone and the moms want to relax is when the destruction occurs. So essentially if I have kids over I guess I try micromanage. Not relaxing but my house doesn’t get destroyed. Also we don’t allow access to all the toys etc. or perhaps you could have an “activity” set up to keep them occupied.

I wouldn't be happy but would try to hide anything that could make a big mess, get stuck in carpeting, etc or had small parts that could be strewn everywhere and hope for the best. If the other moms really want it to be an opportunity to relax without having to supervise the kids, do you know a teenager or someone you could hire to play with the kids and keep it from getting too rowdy? This person could maybe help clean up afterwards as well.

It seems more than fair for everyone to take turns hosting but you can set some ground rooms and ask people to stick to 1-2 rooms.

What are the moms doing during the playdate? That seems to me to be more of the issue, that if the kids are running laps, it's because the moms aren't involved and they want it more as a mom meet up. I am usually the only mom that's actively with the kids during a play date, I don't trust kids to "play on their own" in a large group of mixed ages.

I also think the age group is too big. It's hard for a 2.5 year old to play the same as a 6 year old.

I bundle my son up and we go outside. It's snowing today and we were out for an hour and a half. We have on our base layers, snow pants, coats, hats, mittens, etc and I slather on a face cream and out we go. I would not hesitate at all to host an outdoor playdate and just ask that everyone dress warmly.

The playgroups I have (successfully) been a part of typically didn't force anyone to host. If there was a week where weather was bad, or we couldn't think of anything specific to do, one of the people who likes to host would usually volunteer. I'm not typically the hosting type, so I never volunteered. It was never an issue, but we also had lots of free/cheap parks or storytimes or whatever to go to instead.

In your case, I'd probably just tell the group/leader/whoever that hosting things really stresses me out, so I'd either be happy to host at a separate place...or if there is someone who prefers their house, I'd offer to bring snacks/coffee to their place sometime (basically co-host, just not at my house).

so I totally feel ya. I'm very particular about my house and the organization of it. My daughter is a pretty good cleaner (my son is getting there) and knows where everything goes so our playroom stays sort of a resemblance of things put in place. It also bugs me when things in "sets" are all over the place.

With that said, and since it's a rotation and you have to host, I would do several things:
1)hide toys that you don't want them getting into or is too messy --I watch my best friend's kids on occasion and they come over often for playdates. Love them but they open everything and throw everything on the floor into one jumbled mess. That's just how they play...so we hide things with little pieces.

2)make rules and enforce it. We keep toys in these couple of rooms, we eat in the kitchen, etc and don't be afraid to remind the kids of it.

3)have an activity for them to do at a table set up.

What we do in my area is have one mom who loves to host. We bring over food and drinks and activities so she literally has to do nothing. As it's getting to the end, we all pick up (because a dozen two year olds make messes) and get the kids involved. Her house isn't perfect, but definitely not a disaster.

To reciprocate, those of us in smaller houses host playground meet ups or find other activities. Tomorrow three of us are going to a play place, yesterday 5 met up at the mall. We've also done a restaurant with a play gym. Id suggest dividing up hosting so maybe you can bring the food and someone else provides the space. Or host at a McDonalds /Chick fil a and buy a couple of big boxes of chicken nuggets and fries to share. It wouldn't be that expensive

One question, do you do small group play dates? I've found they really help with ground rules and figure out other parents comfort zones. For example, my almost two year old is allowed to help himself to snacks (all healthy, but not low cal because he struggles to keep weight on ) but other parents were not okay with that so we had to work out a set snack time. Similarly, I allow juice and other kids have to stick to milk (which I don't have due to MSPI) . After 2-3 play dates we find our groove on how much mess and noise we allow and it us way easier to add other families to the mix.

I totally understand. When my kids were younger, I led a mom’s group and someone different would host each week. The way we did it, the host would select the place, either at their home or at a venue of their choice. Nearly all of the venues were free or budget-friendly and all prices would be mentioned in advance. Some of the venues I remember were kid friendly cafes, playrooms, park/playground, city beach in summer, Christmas market in winter, the zoo and the aquarium. I don’t think hosts should feel obligated to invite people into their homes.

@Anagram: That's a great idea!
@aprild: You could sell it as a "I just wanted to make sure we could REALLY relax and get a break."

I am ok with mess of toys but not candy being carried around the house!

Maybe say something like, I would be happy to host a small play date when the weather is warm enough to be outside because we really dont have a house that has enough kid friend space for large groups of kids.

I think setting some ground rules is reasonable and will help alleviate some of the anxiety. No food or drink out of the kitchen, no climbing on furniture, stay in the playroom. I would put away any art supplies or potentially messy toys. I don't have a problem if kids come over and destroy the playroom, it's what I like best about having a play room. I do think it's reasonable to set some ground rules and not have the kids run amok though.

What is the layout of your house? Is there a place for the mom's to socialize in view of the playroom so that you can keep some control of the kids?

My core friend group is 6 families that work out to 12 adults + 11 kids (and one more on the way) ranging from infant to 5 years old. Honestly, we have them all over all the time, and it's really not a huge deal. All the parents are responsible and check in on their own kids frequently and we have no issue enforcing rules on the other kids if we see them acting inappropriately. When it's time to go home all the adults and older kids work together to clean up the play room. I want my friends and my children's friends to feel welcome and comfortable in my home, so hosting is important to me. As others have said, I think the issue here is less about hosting in general and more about the fact that this particular group seems to struggle with proper supervision of their children, so I would lay down some ground rules about people keeping an eye on their kids, and I would set up your space so that adults and kids are together, not separated. For instance my play room and dining room are attached, when it's meal time I put two picnic tables in the playroom and then the adults sit in the dining room and we can keep a close eye on the kids.

@Foodnerd81: I always find myself kind of secretly wondering if their apartments are REALLY that small

I'm late to the party, but I've been following and wanting to comment on this...I've just had trouble gathering my thoughts. Your concerns are really valid, but I have to agree with others that it's not fair for you to participate and bow out of a turn to host, unless there are others who genuinely WANT to host more often, and don't mind if you don't. I ran into this situation once - a mom who had a new baby and a toddler was happy to host every week one winter because she really didn't like having to leave the house with two kids in the cold - we were all just sure to help clean up at the end, and to bring food/coffee, and it was not a big deal. But if the idea is to take turns to make it fair, and you'd like to continue to do the in-home playdates, then I think you need to give hosting a chance - especially if you lay the framework, I don't think it'll be that bad. Some things to consider:

1) Not sure how many playdates you've been to with this crew thus far, but is it possible that these women just know each other very well and kind of "let it all hang out" when they're together, the way some people might with family? Perhaps they know the organizer is relaxed about her home, but would monitor kids more strictly at another home, particularly that of a newer friend? I know that I have friends with whom we do just let the kids go nuts in the basement playroom (not usually with snacks or water, but if it happens, we reprimand them and clean up), but I'd never do this at a home I was visiting for the first time unless that was what the homeowner indicated was what they always did.

2) I don't think it's a big deal to send a sort of faux-apologetic email before a playdate at your house that is kind of like "Hey, sorry to be a pain, but just wanted to let you know that we had our floors redone recently, so I only allow water outside of the kitchen, and make the kids sit at a table to eat snacks. I'll have one set up in the kitchen especially for them. Thanks for your help!" It sort of sets the stage ahead of time so that you're not awkwardly confiscating sippy cups of juice or milk mid-playdate, and clues people in to the fact that you're a bit protective of your new space (and who wouldn't be?! Most people will get that!) and will hopefully influence them to watch their kids a little more closely than they might otherwise. If you serve snacks, pick things that are easy to clean up, and don't stain in case they do get out of the kitchen, (ie no berries or mushable fruits, nothing that would leave grease spots - think cheese cubes, crackers, apples).

3) I'd also just tell people as they come in "here are the playroom and kitchen, this is where we are hanging out today". You can block off the stairs with a baby gate or just a piece of cardboard to discourage kids from even trying. Also, you can shut doors to rooms that have them to quietly say "off limits". Honestly, if people who aren't my BFFs are allowing their kids to run around my house opening doors, I'd have to reconsider how much I reallllllly want to spend time with them. Maybe harsh, but true!

4) Like others said, put away anything with 8 million pieces you don't want to pick up/ are REALLY worried would get lost and would be rendered useless if something went missing for a few days (ie, a shopkins collection, a board game with lots of essential pieces), anything irreplaceable (a doll bought on a trip abroad), or really age inappropriate (marble set). That should ease your mind. And let people know at the end if you want help with cleanup. Personally, unless it's a messy art project with lots of junk to be thrown away, I don't want help - I'd rather put things back where they go than have them tossed haphazardly in bins that I'll have to reorganize later.

5) Consider volunteering to host on a week that is likely to be less busy - near a holiday when people will be traveling, a week there are lots of school events people will be going to (like Valentine parties), etc. Twelve kids is a lot, eight is significantly more manageable.

Let us know if you do host - I think we're all kind of curious now about whether you've got a little wolfpack of hooligans, or if they can be tamed!!