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My experience last year, with my son in public K, is that there is for sure a policy in place when kids have issues keeping their hands and bodies to themselves. That's how I'd approach it, rather than bullying, which involves repeated incidents aimed to intimidate. If it's a single incident vs repeated really makes a difference in my mind/experience and colors how I would approach it. I would also probably call the principal, I think it is important that the admin is involved in the discussion.

Ask what the policy is in terms of keeping kids separated, both in the classroom and while en route somewhere (which is where a lot of incidents happen because the kids are on their own a bit). There is probably something where the kids can go to another classroom to have a change of scenery, or go to a support staff room (like a social worker or psychologist).

@looch: @winniebee: agree, I wouldn’t call this bullying just yet. It sounds like an isolated incident and bullying is more like repeatedly targeting the same child.

It’s not totally the same, but the closest thing I can compare to - Last year when my son was in a twos preschool program he got bit. Actually posted here about it. My son said who it was and I’d seen/heard the boy act not nicely towards my son before (saying things out loud to his mom like “I don’t like him” “I want him to leave” when all my son was doing was playing by himself, not even interacting with this boy). What I did was, also bearing in mind that they are 2 to 3-year-olds and it’s somewhat normal behavior, contact the director and just make sure she was aware that I had found it, it happened, and I was aware. And wanted to make sure that she was aware that it happened as well. I didn’t want disciplinary action against the boy who my son said did it. Because again it is sort of expected at that age and as far as I knew it was a one off scenario. But I wanted them to be able to watch the situation (interactions between the two) and I wanted to make sure they knew that I knew and it couldn’t just be ignored if it happened again. I made sure they knew I was coming to them without anger or accusations, just concern and as an “FYI”. I wouldn’t really get angry or raise a big stink about it until it became a repeated issue. There may be a situation at some point where your daughter is the aggressor. It just happens, they’re kids. And I wouldn’t want someone assuming that my kid was bad or I did something wrong as a parent because they were the aggressor one time.

It never did happen again, I think it was just a weird incident, maybe my son actually took a toy he was playing with and he lashed out (who knows - no teachers saw it happen, I just found the bite mark when we got home). So I’m glad I said something and glad that I didn’t raise a huge stink about a pretty routine occurrence in a preschool.

Just my two cents!

My daughter was bitten on the hand last year in her public pre-k. It was a one time incident, so I didn't even ask what the school did to address the situation. They called us immediately because the bite broke the skin and DD was bleeding a bit. It was a boy in another class and they were on the playground and it never happened again.

In your case, I would just email the teacher or catch them at drop/off pick up and explain what your daughter has told you and ask what can be done to mediate between the two. I wouldn't use the term bullying--just "conflict". Is it likely thst your daughter went to the nurse because she was crying and upset (which would be super appropriate and normal) and not because the shove was hard about to knock the wind out of her?

The lava gun is....I hate to do the "boys will be boys" thing, but I have found it to be extremely common at that age. I was just at a 5 year old birthday yesterday where the boys were chasing each other around pretending to shoot each other. The girls were all singing Karaoke to the Trolls soundtrack. There was a stark difference at the party yesterday--the boys were climbing the couch and jumping off the back, literally standing on the windowsills and jumping off, and running/screaming and tackling each other. The girls sang and then played with troll dolls on the floor. It was an interesting dichotomy.

That's a tough call! I would probably say something to the teacher but frame it as "could you keep an eye out for this?" and not as "you're failing to protect my child!!!" Not that I think you would say that.

I went in all upset one time when DS was having a problem with another kid in pre-K. I didn't say anything really rude, but I feel like I came off more accusatory than I meant to be. It's one of those things that will stay with me for life... I didn't know at the time, but the teacher was very sick, she was doing her best but it was taking a toll on her, and the last thing she needed was me complaining that DS and this kid kept getting in shoving matches. She left teaching very soon after that, and the last thing I'd said to her was this dumb complaint

I agree with the others who said this sounds like unwanted touching. The most powerful thing I have done with my dd is to help her find her words and practice them. If it was a sudden hit I don't know that words could have stopped it, though. I am sure the teacher must not be monitoring the situation, so I would try to find out more from her, and I would try my very best to be non-accusatory.

As far as the lava thing.. I honestly don't think that's meant to be threatening. I would leave that alone personally..unless it was the same kid.

Eta, phrases we use so far have been simple but effective:

"I don't like it when you do that!"
"Don't hug/grab/whatever me!"
"If you want to play together, just one hug."
"No."
etc. We kind of have tailored them to situations she has been in.