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No advice, but I can sympathize because I have gone through very, very similar things. It is so frustrating and I know the guilt you feel from being annoyed by the situation. It feels unfair that your kids never get their grandmother's undivided attention. And it's also annoying to know that your brother gets away with shrugging off his parenting duties, especially when it negatively affects your family and/or plans.

I would agree that it's not your responsibility to have your dad see your nephew. You can mention he will be in town in you want (would your dad be upset with you if you didn't mention it?), but if you think it will cause more stress to you I would avoid it!

More than anything I'd be worried about a 2 year old upsetting the schedule of the house or waking the other kids since you all are recovering from being ill. Will they be staying with you the whole weekend? Or staying Saturday?

I would not get involved in pressure from your Mom to get your Dad to do something that's not on you.

@Truth Bombs: I live in the same city as @matador84: and tried to find a babysitter for a little while last Easter weekend, and I had zero luck. I think, at least in our area, that a holiday weekend like Thanksgiving, Christmas, Easter is just super hard to find someone that doesn't already have plans.

As for the other, I would be frustrated, too. My parents are great, but any time we go see them, they also end up having my 6 nieces and nephews there, too (for a lot of reasons I won't go into, but none of which are things that would in all practicality require them to keep the other kids). I tend to get frustrated that we can never just have quality time with my parents. Before those nieces and nephews lived close, my parents made a lot more effort to see our kids and have time with them, and now they just get thrown in the bunch. And in my parents defense, they're exhausted from babysitting the others frequently, going to every one of their sporting events, etc., but it still is a little hurtful to feel like my kids are perpetually second place/an after thought. I get the frustration, but I have no solution for it. Sorry! I do not think you need to say anything to your dad, though. If she keeps bringing it up, I would just say something like, "If you would like to get in touch with Dad and try to coordinate some time for him to see grandson, that would be great, but I'm not feeling great and just have too much to coordinate this weekend to take on another task." I'm guessing based on the fact that she wants you to pressure him to do it, that she's probably not wanting to deal with it herself and will maybe stop making it a thing.

I can completely relate.

My sister leaves her son with one of my parents probably 8 weekends a year. Its excessive. They do it so they can go party without having to parent...it drives me bonkers. It makes it so my parents are tired from all the babysitting and dont always want to do it when I ask (maybe each of then 2-4 times just while DH and I go to dinner)...

It bothers me when people dump kids on the grandparents...of course I am happy that they have Grandparents to help them - but come on...8 weekends a year willingly away from your kid?!

@matador84: I don't know the dynamics of your family and how your mom would interact with all 3 kids if she brought your nephew, but to me personally this would not be an issue at all. My kids love their cousins, so if they came with grandparents, I'd be totally fine with it. Especially if your mom is there to help, so it's not like you are watching an additional child. I'm a "more the merrier" type of person though.

I don't exactly understand your feelings around this re: your mom playing "favorites". I guess to me, it sees like she is a stabilizing force in your nephews life and is trying to remain that way AND do you a favor in the same weekend. The fact that she has your nephew more because your brother is irresponsible doesn't mean *to me as an outside observer* that she is playing favorites in any way. She sounds like a decent person who is trying to do what's right for each of her adult kids as much as she can. DH's parents are retired and live 8 hours from us, in the same town as SIL and her 3 kids. They take her of her kids probably 150% more than they see our kids, but I do realize it's because they all live in the same town. I don't feel slighted at all and wouldn't care if they came to visit but brought the other grandkids--like I don't need them to focus 100% of their attention on my kids to feel like we have an equitable relationship. But again, I realize that in your situation you may have some pent up issues regarding your brother and your mom.

Regarding trying to play the gatekeeper and getting your dad over--nah, don't do it. Mention it to your dad and then let it go. Your mom is trying to do and be everything to everyone and you don't have to be caught up in that.

Whether or not she flies for free, your mom is doing you a huge favor by flying in and out for a weekend. So I think you kind of have to weigh the pros and cons of having her come + nephew, or having her not come at all.

eta: My oldest sister was somewhat unstable when she was younger and my parents were almost like coparents to my oldest nephew. And he really needed the stability from my parents that my sister was not giving him. I think that makes my parents amazing people for stepping up (he's an adult now, this was years ago), but as a kid, I myself was having time "taken away" from me as my parents did stuff for my nephew, but I don't/didn't resent it at all. Even when I was a kid, I realize he needed to be with us.

I don't get how your brother's lack of communication via text and calls equates to your mom keeping her grandson for a weekend. However, I think sometimes free family help comes with certain downsides.

I wouldn't try to get/ force your dad to see your nephew. It's not your responsibility to make sure your dad has a good relationship with your brother or his family. That sounds like a whole lot of mess.