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If you haven't done it already try taking the quiz for the five love languages. I had my husband take it too and it was helpful for me to realize that touch is one of his main love languages. Now I notice we get along better when I simply make an effort to hold his hand more or sit on the couch so we're touching etc.

I also know there are certain little things he hates doing or something that I don't mind so I happily do them for him and he is always appreciative (which admittedly makes it easier to keep doing them). For him it's having our kitchen island cleared off since it becomes a bit of a catch all and taking care of his dry cleaning. Not having those two tiny responsibilities makes him much happier and more willing to handle other things.

I work on (but could always improve in) being more touchy. It isn't really my style (nor my love language-- I've never really associated touch and love), but it's a major way my husband feels loved so I work at it. Also I think that I could be better at looking at the big picture more often. I tend to get overly upset about relatively minor things and then I have a hard time seeing the forest (that he's a generally great husband) for the trees (the little thing he did that was perhaps dick-ish, but in the grand scheme of things prob not THAT big of a deal).

Less nagging, more time spent together doing things we both love.

omg i have been a horrible wife in so many ways. and i feel awful about it but can't seem to kick it. i don't clean enough... he does the lion's share of chores around the house. i always leave my dishes out and don't pick up my clothes. i'm the worst. also, we neverrrrrr dtd. i'm 3 months pg this upcoming sat and i have been feeling so awful and sick so that's my current excuse for my behaviour. i'm hoping i can kick it soon and get back into just generally being better for him. he's so amazing and he deserves a much better wife.

I think I need to do more nagging. By this I mean, ask for help more often. Tell him more of why I am grumpy, frustrated, etc. I need to look after myself and get in a 'me' routine. I also need to do a way better job and serving his 'needs'. Yeah, I have no drive for it but I need to find some somewhere!

I wonder if our SO's would answer differently?

I could say I need to clean more, cook more, be sexier, etc. But my DH would probably say I need to be kinder to myself, relax more, and be more confident in what an awesome wife and mom I already am.

@cmomma17: that is an excellent question, I am going to ask my husband tonight!

I'd say, being less "snappy."

Doing more around the house, getting back to cooking legit meals now that morning sickness is not as bad.

I know EXACTLY what DH would say if I asked him

But I could also do a much better job thinking ahead and streamlining our time - meal prep, laundry, etc. He does the lion's share of cleaning because I'm just zonked at the end of the day.

I could definitely get more cleaning done around the house. I'm a bit lazy about that.

I also was TERRIBLE about making dinners and stuff. DH does a ton of cleaning and cooking and general house tidying. But I recently started the fresh 20 and so far I'm hooked and am doing REALLY well with getting dinner on the table at the end of the day.

Generally whining & complaining less. In the past week or so he has really stepped up his game which means I nag and yell way way way less &generally enjoy being nicer to him. I think he would like more sympathy from me when he vents sometimes too though.

@blackbird: I find it interesting too but while it wasn't even on my radar I can sort of see it as another way to connect. I have found in my relationship with my husband that I need to feel connected to want it and he tends to have an easier time connecting in other ways when it's a regular part of our relationship- like he feels rejected when it isn't. Sometimes making an effort to be more in the mood helps us be able to connect better and then we are more open to doing other things to connect. I absolutely don't see sex as a key component in being a good wife though and I know my husband doesn't either.

@Cole: I get that aspect...it's categorized differently for me. On the flip, if my husband was to say I was a good wife because I put out, I would be taken aback. Goes back to the old fashioned notion that a wife should pleasure her husband to keep him happy. There's always more to it

@blackbird: exactly.
but that being said,my husband's love language is quality time and words of affirmation. Mine is words of affirmation and acts of service. If it was physical touch for either of us maybe sex would be more of a focal point (good and bad).