What's your take on vow renewals?
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I don't know anyone that has done this, but I think it could be cute after 25+ years or so. Like if my parents had one, that could be fun. I've been to anniversary parties though, which are fun.
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I think vow renewals are a little silly, but I think anniversary parties are super fun after 10+ years and are a great way to celebrate a relationship!
ETA I wouldn't think twice if someone else had one. Whatever works!
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My parents had one for their 30th. It was extra special because they had it where my dad's family is from (Mass.) and there were a lot of people who hadn't been able to travel for their wedding in Virginia.
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To each their own. I eloped so I definitely wouldn't do one for myself since it's just not my style. I think it would be fun to attend someone else's.
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We are planning on doing one for our 15th anniversary. Partially because we do something special every five years, but our main reason is we want a Disney wedding.
It may just be us and the kids, but any family who wants to take a Disney vacation can come, too!Also, I voted that I haven't been to one, but I would go. I think it's wonderful for couples to find ways to continue to celebrate their love!
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I'm in the to each their own camp also.
I personally would not do it, but I'd def take a fancy anniversary vacation!!
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I've thought about it. DH and I had to get married very quickly in a tiny wedding due to my mom's terminal cancer, and I've always wanted to have a re-do. On the other hand, people have told me that only couples who are on the verge of getting a divorce even think to do vow renewals so that makes me feel weird about it.
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the impression i get with those, rightly or wrongly, is that the couple had some sort of rough-patch or near-divorce and made up and is now "better". Or somehow trying to "act" like everything is okay when it's not. That may not be actually how they are and maybe i'm too cynical, but that's what i immediately think of.
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I've been working in weddings for 10 years, so I think they are presented to be more popular than they really are. We are going to Hawaii with our best friends and their DD during our 10 year anniversary, we will be able to go to a fancy dinner on our actual anniversary which I'm excited about.
We got married really young. Sometimes I think about what our wedding would have been like now at 32 & 33. I love the idea of a party at a winery with a taco truck with our DD there. Maybe a 20 year anniversary party.
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Hahahaha at "who cheated?"
I personally find the whole idea cheesy. I'd much rather take a special and overly romantic vacation than do a vow renewal.
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I think it's weird when people do it like, 3 years in to marriage, but really sweet when they do it 25 years later. My husband and I will both turn 50 in the same year as our 25th wedding anniversary so we plan on doing either a massive blow out party, or taking the family on an amazing trip to celebrate.
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I mean never say never but it's not something we plan to do. I will gladly take a second honeymoon, though
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To each their own. We won't be doing a vow renewal. We made our vows and although we still feel as strongly about them as we did on our wedding day we don't feel the need to renew them or pledge them to each other again.
I'm definitely more in the camp of anniversary party.
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To each their own. I don't really understand doing it instead of an anniversary party unless it's a new chapter of some sort. Like after a separation or if a couple never got to have a wedding celebration the first time around. I still think personally I'd opt for a great anniversary party but whatever works. I guess I would think it was odd to be invited to one if the couple hadn't been married very long and didn't have a situation where there was a clear reason.
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The way I read the question I take vow renewal to mean a wedding-like ceremony. I would reserve that for 25+ years or some sort of significant hardship. To each his own though.
Growing up, at church every year couples renewed their vows en masse, just standing in the pew. No guests or money involved, just the vows to each other. I really liked watching my parents do that. The idea that they were working on their marriage regularly and committing to each other again seemed really powerful.
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I think an actual vow renewal ceremony is very romantic and intimate. I could see doing this on vacation just the two of us or with our kid(s), but not with an audience almost like a wedding.
Before kids I wanted a 10 year anniversary party, but now that seems really wasteful while we are still raising kids and have big expenses like tuition. I'd rather go on a great vacation to celebrate that milestone.
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My in-laws just had one for their 50th anniversary, and it was beautiful. Their children/grandchildren hosted it for them, so it was more of a celebration of family than something just about them.
I would consider doing one for a major anniversary in the future, like 25 years or something.
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We're going to do a little thing when we take our 10year trip to Hawaii. It'll just be the 2 of us. We'll probably even just kind of read our vows to each other, not even have an officiant. No ceremony, no fancy dress.
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@lawbee11: I would LOVE a second honeymoon!
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I was thinking vow renewal like a second wedding. Doing small informal ones sound really sweet.
Is the difference between a vow renewal and anniversary part that you don't do a ceremony?
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I'm shocked at the number of people that think it infers some sort of rocky marriage re-connecting ("who cheated")...
Not sure its in the cards for us...just not sure...though I would love to buy another dress and do something outside - something I was not allowed to do with my traditional catholic ceremony.
That said I would happily attend one and would not assume anything about one...
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@Mrs D: the topic came up with a friend recently and that's what he said, which I thought was a funny response so I included it.@Mrs D: I've always thought it was a way for a couple to have the wedding they could not have for whatever reason.
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@youboots: to me that's the difference vow renewal = aisle ceremony w/ officiant & party; anniversary party = party w/ toasts & slideshow only. Either way the couple and guests are likely getting all dolled up.
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I would do a really small informal one. Like...just me, DH, and our boys. Something to show them that we still love each other as much as the day we originally said them. But having a second wedding vow renewal doesn't sit right with me.
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I've never been invited to one, but know people that do a big trip/second honeymoon type thing for their big anniversaries. I think that is more my style.
Next summer I turn 35, and it is our 10 year anniversary... and we will hopefully be moving into a new home all in the same month. So we have talked about hosting a big party in the new house to celebrate everything. (By 'big party', I mean we will likely send an email to our friends, rent a margarita machine, and pay for catering....no band, no fancy dress, no formal invitations)
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Not going to lie, I think the idea of a vow renewal ceremony is kind of cheesy and over the top or attention grabby. I've never been to one, so my only reference point is something like when kris and Bruce Jenner renewed their vows on kuwtk
Now, an anniversary party or big trip is a totally different thing to me, and my family has definitely done those! Both sets of my grandparents had large 50th anniversary parties, and my parents have mentioned wanting to take my brother/sil/nieces and me/dh/lo on a big trip for an anniversary sometime soon though it's difficult to plan!
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Like others, I assume it means they had a rocky patch and got through it. They strike me as a little odd/silly, but I suppose if people do one once they've been married 25+ years then it seems sweet. I'm definitely in the camp that you should do what you want, though. Whatever makes you happy.
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I think it's weird to throw yourself another wedding, even if it's been 25 years. However, I would totally consider a ceremony with just DH and I at 10+ years if we were on a tropical vacation.
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I've actually been thinking of this a bit.
We've been together 16+ years, married for 5. We had an unusual wedding. I'd want to do something just the two of us and our son. Maybe for our 10th wedding anniversary, where we've been together over 20 years? I'm thinking a special vacation and have some nice photos taken.
We're kind of the black sheep couple of the family and yet have outlasted quite a few relationships/marriages among our friends and family. -
I like the idea, but it would be something very small (like...just the two of us at Niagara Falls, or in Vegas). Just for the two of us.
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@rachiecakes: we are hiring a wedding photographer I love to shoot family photos this fall and are getting dressed up for it.
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@youboots: "I've always thought it was a way for a couple to have the wedding they could not have for whatever reason." Yep, this!
We've talked about having a renewal around 10 yrs as a destination thing with maybe just the kids. Probably just the two of us. We had planned a destination wedding to Mexico and a hurricane hit the day before we flew out, canceling the wedding. Our families took that as an opportunity to tell us how the really felt about flying to Mexico for our wedding, so we ending up have a "regular" wedding in DHs hometown. An intimate, destination vow renewal would be like finally having the wedding we wanted.
I've always just assumed that vow renewals were intimate and personal. I've never been to one.
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Technically, my wedding was a vow renewal as we'd already been married about 6 months prior (long story, work permits, etc). But I would never want to do another one ever again, unless it was just for my husband and I. The whole process was time consuming and stressful and I have no desire to deal with any kind of large scale party again!
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Everyone I know who did a vow renewal (wedding style) got divorced within a few years.
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@Finfan: that's kind of been my take on it. Granted I have never been to one, I've just noticed celebrities do them, before a divorce. But celebrities are already prone to divorce anyway it seems.
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My older cousin did one in HI. I wasn't invited nor would I have gone.
I doubt we'll do one. We plan on taking a really nice trip to celebrate our 10th or 15th anniversary. I had a very large wedding and I have no interest in planning a party like that ever again! Lol!
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I like vow renewals after 10 years or more. I think its more appropriate for people who initially didnt have a big wedding and probably just did a courthouse ceremony. I think if you did have a big wedding then maybe wait til your 25th wedding anniversary.
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@Finfan: lol i know many people in real life who have done a wedding style vow renewal after 10, 15 or 15 years and none of them are divorced. I think it depends on what is the norm in your social circles. Like I said in my previous post many of them didnt have a wedding the first time around. they did a court marriage intially then a big wedding style renewal.
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I'd like to do one for our 10th or 15th. While I'm still young enough to wear a long flowy white dress. I imagine doing it on a cliff in Mexico with just an officiant and us.
I love parties though and I'd like to throw a huge one for some milestone anniversary. Probably couldn't justify it until 25 though. I can see myself spending a small wedding budget, but not doing vows or a ceremony.
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42 comments