Hellobee Boards

I know exactly what you are talking about. I don't have a good answer just know you are not the only one. The best I do is put her in timeout (which is in her room) and leave and say I can't come back until she calms down. I also say we don't have time for bedtime stories. Often this results in her having a meltdown. But generally me saying I won't accept this (yelling at me, acting crazy, not listening) and leaving her and going to do something else is the most effective. Yelling at her is a sure fire way to get her to act up even worse, though I do it again and again.

Ugh, I know how you feel. My son is very emotional and had lots of tantrums. I know they're good for him and get his feelings out, yada yada yada. BUT the crying drives me nuts! My therapist recommended modeling a "time away" for myself. So, when I get super frustrated and can't keep my cool, I say "I am very frustrated that you are not listening and I think I might yell. I'm going to take a break in my room, I'll be back soon." I go and take some deep breaths or, honestly, punch a pillow or whatever. When I come back I give the follow through/logical consequence: loss of story time, can't eat a "fancy" breakfast, etc. Lots of times he still tantrums when I return, but I'm usually more composed and can ride it out.
We've been doing this approach for MONTHS and he's only just know showing improvement. He'll ask for help to calm down or ask to go to his room to take a break or struggle to take deep breaths. It's so hard, but I try to remember it's normal (I hope it is!)

@hellobeeboston: we threaten to take away the bedtime books but rarely follow through on that one since it just makes going to sleep harder. So usually if she shaped up I give the books back at least. Toddlers are hard.