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I got pregnant on lucky cycle #3 so my fingers are crossed for you

I just took that week (period week) to be bummed and to enjoy things that I figured were off limits once I did get a bfp! wine, junk food (although I did eat this while pregnant, lol), etc.

@cherrybee: I definitely drink away my sorrows and bury myself in junk food like @sorrycharlie, but it doesn't make the sadness any better. I pretty much always know that the day I get AF (or a BFN) will be a not happy day and I'll be a mess and DH knows that too. He understands. What I do try to do though, is not let it last more than a day. I tell myself the next day that the sooner I can get through AF, the sooner I can start to try again and that gets me out of moping and into excited territory. I often research during this time too, ways to help me get pregnant. I've switched up things each cycle like supplements (I take FertileCM), how long I lay there after sex, preseed vs canola oil, and more. It seems to keep my mind off of the sad stuff. Oh and shopping helps me! I love to go buy baby stuff and get excited for the day when I do get some good news. Hope this helps, but everyone is different. You're strong and I know you'll get through it! But you can always whine to me on the bad days!

I was really hard on myself at first but then I stopped obsessing over it. Most if all I stopped researching and reading about TTC. I know that having been on BC for 10 years that it may take my body longer to adjust and go back to normal.

I've been off the pill or 6 months now and just had my first cycle that lasted longer than 28 days. I was convinced I was pregnant & kept getting BFN then AF showed. The hardest part was waiting for either the BFP or AF, I just wanted to know!

I hope you get yours soon! I took two month off from officially TTC and it has made a world of difference for me. Good luck!

@hellobeeboston: I'm just curious (as I'm on TTC cycle 7) where there any reasons it took so long or it just naturally happened cycle 8? I'm hoping I'm close to a BFP. I too, have spent time focusing on getting a new job during these failed cycles and it has helped get mind off of babymaking.

@marionberry: no reasons that I know of - it just took us a while... I had fairly irregular cycles, so it took time to figure that out, but even once I got the OPKs it still took like 5/6 cycles. I think I was really stressing, and stressing out DH. The month it worked we were across the country in San Fran (I was interviewing for a job) and I wasn't really charting/tracking and we totally let loose and had fun.... Turns out that is when I got pg!

As you know I'm no longer charting (in cycle 7) because the ups and downs of TTC were getting to be too stressful for me, although I still highly recommend charting until you've established that your cycles are very regular or you know what is going on. It got to be obvious to me by several days before AF that each cycle was a bust, so I always had a long time to get upset. For the first several cycles, I did kind of what @marionberry did - threw myself into troubleshooting and figuring out what I could do differently for the next cycle, which made me feel optimistic that I could make a BFP happen. There was also some online shopping at the end of each cycle for a while but it doesn't really make me feel better anymore.

The regrouping and strategizing led to us pursuing testing pretty early on, so although most of the things I tried were incredibly unhelpful, it did help speed up the process since my instinct was right and we are moving on to IVF. Also very helpful was finding a therapist who specialized in infertility and transition to motherhood. She helps me refocus my energy on activities that mean a lot to me and keep me connected to my pre-TTC self.

I really haven't found that magical way to cope. I do schedule a massage for after AF is gone, because it's a great treat that I won't be able to have when pregnant. One Hellobee-er once said that one way or another, we will all be moms. That helped, because I knew that this was going to end well, even though the journey sucks!

Hang in there - so many people get pregnant fairly quickly. I'm sure you will be one of them too.

Mmm, not well. I would cry and cry. Esp. after the mc. I think I cried just as hard when we got BFN/AF after the mc as I did in the days after the mc itself. It's hard not to feel dramatic or crazy, but when you start talking to other women about your experience you realize you're not alone. That's what helped me the most. HelloBee and finding women in real life who had been through it. Coworkers, family etc., It's such a taboo untalked about thing, and it really shouldn't be considering how helpful it is to bring out in the open. If you ever want to chat I'm here. Hugs.

@Cherrybee: I'm sorry to hear you're having such a hard time With 5 cycles of BFNs I definitely needed some coping strategies. The #1 thing I always tried to do that helped was to make sure to prioritize everything in my life OTHER than TTC.. working out, work, reading, seeing friends, planning a vacation.. anything. If it was out of my control that I couldn't get a BFP, I'd focus on all the wonderful things in my life that were in my control. Every time AF arrived I'd try to see it as an opportunity to squeeze in one more month of freedom, being able to travel, spend money on myself, go out with friends spontaneously, stay up late watching TV. Just try your best to appreciate and focus on all the fabulous things you have in your world and your BFP will be here before you know it. xo

@Grace: Such a good point! I think that was what made this month so tough for me. I figured out that if I was pregnant we were going to be able to tell people at Christmas and the baby would be due at the end of the school year (SO perfect for my job). When I ended up not being pregnant it made it so much worse because all those things I had been dreaming about were all gone too. I need to stop doing that!!

But the next time someone says "relax and it will happen" to me I might just punch them in the nose

@Grace: Yes-- the planning for the baby thing, with the timing, and telling people at Christmas! I had it all in my head that it would be so perfect-- we could tell immediate family at Thanksgiving, everyone else at Christmas, so not only was I hormonal and disappointed to get AF, I also had that entire thing pulled out from under me, when I really never had it in the first place. I think that's a really good point to not think about those things until you get there.

I also figured one good coping mechanism-- make plans with fun people who are no where near having kids. We went out last night with my BIL and his girlfriend, who are younger, right out of school, and getting pregnant is NOT on their agenda right now. It was really fun and I was very aware that I could not have done it if I was pregnant (or it would have been really hard to hide not drinking at least). So this month I might be drinking a lot and eating a lot of oysters and sushi

On the less postive side, I'm pretty sure for that the next 3 months, I'll be due for AF on Thanksgiving, Christmas, and my birthday. Hopefully one of those days I'll have happy news, but it could really suck if I don't. Nothing I can do about it though.

I'm at the beginning of cycle #2, and I was totally taken by surprise at how hard the first TWW and BFNs were. I didn't expect to feel so worried/hopeless so soon! I think I'm going to try to pick up some extra work shifts and make some plans with friends during the TWW this time because the days were seriously dragging by... sigh.

@mango.sprays: I know! I'm still shocked about how this whole ttc business got so intense so fast!

@mrsvdv Right?! I kind of wish I could go back to the uninformed, relaxed days of NTNP, but I went on research-overload mode after my ectopic in August and now I know too much!!

@mango.sprays: Yes, I started charting when I went off BCP so I would know when AF was coming and to TTA in the beginning, so kept it up when we started TTC. I like the "control" of at least knowing where I am in my cycle, and knowing when I've already Oed I can relax. So in that sense I prefer charting. I may stop after O is confirmed this cycle so I don't read too much into a random high temp. Are you charting?

@Cherrybee: Oh honey! It's okay!! It does take time to process a loss - don't beat yourself up for feeling sad.

And I don't believe for a second you 'have nothing else to focus on' - there is so much more to life than the extremes of partying or a baby. Do you have any hobbies? Do you bake or cook? Enjoy fitness? Run a marathon? Take up a sport? Take up salsa dancing? Learn to knit? Learn to paint? Learn to sculpt? What are you passionate about?

Point being, think of all the folks out there without families either by choice or not and all the ways they fill up their time - there is nothing depressing at all about sitting in your jammies watching TV. If you'd rather use that time for something else, try to think of some worthwhile way to spend it! I know this is hard, but don't for a second tell yourself there is nothing more to life than a baby.

I'm in the middle of cycle 3 and although I certainly haven't been trying as hard as some, I too was surprised by how disappointing the last two times really have been. I didn't cope too well the first cycle, I cried and was depressed for a couple of days. Last cycle, I just knew it didn't work and was ready for a new cycle for another chance. Not sure if that's how i'm "coping" but keeping my expectations really, really low I think helped me last cycle to move on a lot quicker than the first cycle.

@Cherrybee: Yes!!!! You had two major life changing events to deal with and then all this TTC stuff on top of it. That's a lot.

I know I'll be major sore because I don't really do anything, but my walking I do at school, which is more than I did last year, but it's still not enough of what I SHOULD be doing.

Good luck! The hardest thing for me is just making it a habit.