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@oskarsmommy: Hmm, that's a tough one. When you say you couldn't afford anything else, not even haircuts, is that something sustainable for the next 14 years, and then college? Will you still be meeting your retirement goals/savings goals/have an emergency fund/have money for the regular unexpected expenses that crop up?

I do understand the tough position of not having a good public school district. My oldest goes to public pre-k, and although on paper the school district isn't considered that good, I've been super pleased with the curriculum, her teachers, her classmates--everything! Have you toured your local school to see what they do for yourself?

@oskarsmommy: Do you think he will be happy with all of the switching? You'd be switching him out of the immersion and then again to the charter school if he gets in. I know kids are resilient, but i would rather minimize the amount of changes my kids have to go through. There is a chance that he may not even like the private school you switch him to. Does the preschool have a dual track (2nd language stream and English stream)?

I think "too much" is all relative. We moved my daughter into a preschool that was 50% higher than her previous daycare but it was definitely worth it because it wasn't stimulating enough for her. We are willing to invest in our kids' educations as long as we can afford it without compromising our savings.

@oskarsmommy: The only question I have is what happens once you have more than one child and can you afford to pay that for both? I would definitely consider looking at a long term plan of moving to an area that has better schools. It might be more expensive initially but will save you money in the long run

If you want all different types of opinions, this is a big fat no for me. But this lifestyle isn't my reality, my children attend/will attend public schools.

What does this preschool have that any other preschool doesn't have? Is the only reason you'd consider it to secure a spot in elementary if your child doesn't get into a preferred charter school? What is it about school that your son fights now? Is he just wanting to stay home with mom, jealous of the new baby? Are there things about his specific school that he complains about or is he going to fight going to ANY school?

I personally think you're better off sending him to a less expensive preschool and using that extra money in other ways like investing in a college fund. I think to a large extent that school is what the whole family makes of it. Are you supporting your child's learning at home, or expecting school to do the brunt of the work? (I say this in the context of older children, I think preschool, especially at age 3(?), should be largely play based.) I don't think that expensive private schools automatically equal a better education and I wouldn't put the rest of my financial life on hold to pay for it.

@oskarsmommy: I guess then I'm confused because it seemed like you need to send him to the private preschool in order to secure an elementary school spot there. If you plan to either do the charter or move before grade 1, seems like an obvious choice to not switch to the private school right now.

Also FWIW my response is based on this being a long term plan through elementary. If you for sure have another option by first grade (?) I would leave him where he is now then do the charter or whatever your charter backup is at first grade.

Wow- that's a lot, but it sounds like you make very good salaries and can swing it. You have amazing savings and a yearly bonus! I think that is the price of private schools and if you want that lifestyle, you just suck it up and spend that much.

We moved so that we could send our kids to a great public school, but then again daycare is basically private school. I'm counting the days until our oldest starts public K!!!

@oskarsmommy: what is it that makes the local school awful?

@oskarsmommy: I had similar concerns. I was looking at test scores and they're terrible. I dug a little deeper and understand the cause better and now I look at what they're doing to close the achievement gap.

As I mentioned, I don't send my son to the schools in my town, but I send him to another city that has the same demographics and issues, and he's doing well. I was mostly concerned with the middle schools, the elementary schools are all fine, but middle schools are going through a redesign and I feel like they're the weak link. I decided to send him to a school that's k-8 because it means I have a solution for a problem that's really 6 years away. I just didn't want to be at that point and not have any options.

I hope you find a good solution. I personally have no luck whatsoever with lotteries, but my son did manage to get into this school via lottery because it was brand new. The competition is really stiff now and for other, more established magnets and charters in the area.

I wouldn't put yourself in a financial bind for it, but it sounds like you could swing it for the charter back up plan. Do you feel like the new school would better suit your son?

We pay about 18k for the 9 months of preschool and it's worth it to us. DD2 is still there and DD1 went through it and now attends 1st grade at another private school. The preschool really prepared her well for elementary and the transition has been a breeze. They also do a lot of languages and music lessons, which the tuition also covers.

This is coming from someone who is about to pay an asinine amount of money for preschool because the only option for preschool here is private. 15 hours a week is more than your preschool plus aftercare.

We plan to send our son to private preschool but public grade school. The reason being we won't be here forever (Manhattan) and I just can't see how a couple of years in a public elementary school would be that detrimental to his long term education. I'm talking till 1st grade or 2nd grade. Then we will move to a suburb specifically with an excellent school district and continue public there.

If I were in your shoes I'd save the money. Keep trying to get into charter. Do public Kindergarten and 1st grade and then move if I still wasn't in the charter.

Wow that seems like a big cost difference! Personally I would try to stay at the cheaper school and save the money to move somewhere with better public school options. I don't know if it's a possibility at all for you, but here you can move just one town away and have an entirely different public school experience. This is actually on my mind now as our schools seem to be going downhill but neighboring towns have fantastic schools.

Coming from a teacher and and product of poor public school education... it's not about the schools or teachers, it's more about the family and what you put into it. Encourage the best out of the worst, persevere, and they'll do fine. I see it daily... not so great teacher, great family, child succeeds, I also see great teacher, puts her all, parents don't care, kid doesn't care, kid doesn't succeed. I agree with @kiddosc and @pawprints. But don't put so much energy into it... make whatever outcome work, what is meant to be will happen.

To answer your questions:

Do your kids enjoy their preschools? Yes. We pay for preschool, not as much as yours, but it's a place my son has loved and his teachers love him.

Is their value to a fancier preschool? It depends what you want. Each school has a different philosophy. Our school is priced at the lower end, but still quality, with a balance of the whole child and some basic academics. I've seen schools twice as much that I pay and the quality isn't great, but the facilities are big and clean.

Aren't they all just about playing and learning social skills? Of course, play is the work of young children. They have many years ahead to learn academics.

I agree that home environment is much more important than the school. I would not pay that much more.

As far as additional options for elementary, have you looked into paying to attend an adjacent public school district? My cousins did this. The cost was WAY less than private (a few thousand a year for two kids), and they were able to attend the best schools in the area.

I think if I were in your shoes I would do preschool at the private only to preserve the right to go there for elementary school. But if you're certain you can't or won't send your kid there for elementary, then I wouldn't bother.

I feel like for the money you could move to a better school district, hire a highly skilled nanny to watch your kids, have your son attend a half day preschool program, and have the nanny handle pick ups and drop offs.

@oskarsmommy: Well I generally find toddlers are better behaved for a nanny or teacher than their very sleep deprived mothers. But I was at home with newborn and toddler for 10 weeks last summer so I hear you, it's hard - although it gets way easier after the 4th trimester.

I was thinking something like your nanny can watch baby in the mornings while your son is at a part time preschool program, then pick him up at lunch time. Baby gets a good morning nap, tummy time, one on one time with nanny, takes a stroller walk, etc. Nanny gets big kid, feeds lunch, baby goes down for nap, if your son is still napping then he sleeps too. If he no longer naps, then nanny has some quiet activities planned for him - a craft, sensory play, independent play, story time, etc. She supervises sibling play time, goes outside in the yard or maybe takes them to the park, gets dinner for them, etc.

My oldest is in full day preschool and all their actual learning stuff is in the morning. They go play outside, then stations inside where they learn their concepts and themes for the day and do their art and music. It's interspersed with morning snack and lunch. So the preschool day kids come from 830am to 1145am. After that it's nap and afternoon snack and until they get picked up it's pretty much free play and playing outside for the full day kids.

Which is why $2300 a month for preschool seems crazy pants unless they are hardcore learning all day and have insane activities.

I feel like a mornings only preschool would handle all the social needs of a toddler - splaying with other kids and learning how to behave in class - as well as the messy art and loud music stuff that's hard to manage at home with a baby. But a good nanny can reinforce learning at home and take a toddler out to play and get exercise for him in lieu of all the aftercare stuff.

My boys were both home with me today (one is 32 months old and one is almost 1). Today we did breakfast, DS1 did coloring and stickers while baby played on the floor, then we played together in DS1s room. Baby went down for a short morning nap while DS1 and I had one on one time and snack, then DS1 got some Curious George while baby got his bottle, both boys had lunch, then we played outside. Baby hung out with toys in the pack n play in the yard while DS1 helped me water the plants, played in the sprinklers, kicked a ball back and forth, and played in his sandbox. Everyone came in for diaper changes and fresh clothes, the boys played together while I ate lunch, then everyone went down for nap. Now I am resting a bit before making dinner. Boys will get up and have a snack and will probably play while I finish up dinner, then we will eat and they will play outside some more until bath time.

I personally wouldn't spend that much on a pre-school. I feel we pay a ton but it works out to 2100 a month for 2 kids! I'm not willing to live paycheck to paycheck in order to pay for fancy preschooling no matter what bells and whistles there are. Your child will not remember preschool and any of those "perks". He will remember your relationship and special experiences with your family.