DS is just newly 3 (born July 1st and school cut off is 9/1,) but I am already thinking that he won't be ready for kinder in 2 years. I know redshirting can be a controversial topic, but it's not to get any kind of "leg up" and I would LOVE to not pay for 3 more years of pre-k, but DS is extremely speech delayed (he goes to therapy and is making great progress) and is immature for his age. I just don't want to put him into an environment sensing/anticipating that he is going to struggle. I am hoping he will be ready in 2 years, but am not holding my breath.
Anyway, when/how did you *know*? Any other insights?
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Cut off in my state is Dec 31, my son was born Dec 16. He could begin school in the year he turned 5, but that meant he would have been 4 years old going to K and I felt that in order for him to be developmentally ready, he need to be 5 when he started. So, that necessitated holding him back a year. I talked to many professionals, and they all supported my intuition. I found it reassuring that in a large part of the rest of the country, my son would actually be on time given the earlier cut offs.
I also looked into the possibility of repeating a year, but the public schools don't like to do that and I didn't want it not to be an option, so we held back and are happy with the decision. My son's going into second grade now and while K wasn't easy sailing, it was a lot easier than it would have been.
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My district cuts off 12/31 and my girls are 12/4 and 12/20. My older is 3.5, and she did/is doing amazing in preschool. So I'll be watching her closely and communicating with her teacher during pre-k to ensure she's ready to go to kinder. I'm not worried about her academically at all; I'm more watching out for whether she's emotionally/socially ready.
I'll be doing the same thing w/ my 2nd. Since she is even closer to end of the year, I'll be monitoring even more closely to make sure I don't push her forward if she isn't ready.
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We did that with our oldest. He has some sensory challenges that needed extra attention. In addition to that, our state's cut off date is in August, and he's an October kid. It just made sense for us, and we were glad to do so. I was able to give him extra attention and did some homeschool as a result.
He did well in Kinder and better than if we hadn't waited.
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My child with developmental delays (gross motor) isn't old enough to offer advice from that perspective just yet, but I can offer you advice from the point of view of a mom of a young-for-grade but developmentally typical girl (so less concern with social maturity than with boys) who went to kindergarten this year as one of the youngest in her class.
Our state has an October 1st cutoff. My seemingly bright, very talkative, socially outgoing daughter definitely ended up on the slower end of her class - she struggled a bit with basic reading and writing skills, got easily distracted, and at times gave up and just shut down when other kids were providing faster answers than she was. Compared to the kids in her class her age, she was right on par with her academic performance....but nearly half her class turned six just weeks after (developmentally typical boys who nearly missed the cutoff/girls who just missed it) - while she was barely 5 at the time. None of these kids had special needs/got pulled for extra help, and they were excelling in their reading and writing far beyond the younger kids. I know this because I was a class parent and was in the class regularly, and saw who was getting pulled for help (my daughter and her younger friends), and who was performing best academically. I certainly don't fault the parents holding their kids back (and some of them couldn't control it - it's just when the kids were born), but I ache for my daughter, who feels like she struggles in school, even though she's honestly fine where she is if she weren't comparing herself to kids 8 or 9 months older.
I'm running on a bit, but my point is that if you have even a smidgen of a doubt that your son will be at his best, wait the year. The trend right now is to wait , and while I hate to base my decision on others, I've realized that when so many others hold their kids, it makes the "on-time" children look like they are falling behind, even if they aren't, if that makes sense. I almost wish I could have held my daughter a year, even though she has no delays that would indicate that I should do so.
Also, at kindergarten orientation last year, someone asked our principal what happens if a younger child starts K, and it turns out they just aren't ready - could they repeat the year. The principal told that parent that for some kids, being pulled out or repeating a year can be a really soul-crushing experience, and that if the parent had that serious of doubts, to see her and strongly consider whether or not it might be better to err on the side of caution and wait. Basically, she was saying that it's better to start late and be wrong and move a child ahead if need be to "catch them up" than to start early and be wrong and have to hold a kid back.
This experience has left me super relieved that my youngest, who has a gross motor delay, misses the cutoff for her year of school - so I don't have to fight to get her an extra year.
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@looch: @snowjewelz: @MrsDynamiteGal: @PinkElephant: Thank you for your replies-- it really helps!
@PinkElephant: I'm sorry to read of your daughter's experience. I actually repeated kinder and had no clue, but from what I have heard, schools are much less likely to hold back than they used to. I'm sure there are valid reasons for it, but it also means kids are moved up without being ready and that's my fear for DS.
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Something really helpful for me was taking to the kindergarten grade rep at our elementary school. She leaned more toward redshirting, and had actually redshirted her daughter. It was really helpful to hear her reasons such as the fact that some kids aren’t ready to do certain things until they turn 5. We paid attention to how our daughter was doing developmentally and ended up deciding to send her. When we brought her to kindergarten screening they said she was absolutely ready and if they had any concerns about her starting they would tell us. Screening can be very helpful in determining if they are ready. We just met a boy who has a bday around my daughter’s at the playground and when I asked if he was going to school in the fall he said “We’re still not sure.” So it’s never too late to decide!
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@Becky: I'm not sure if our district does screening, but one of my good friends is a kinder teacher, and I was going to ask her to do an informal evaluation.
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@PinkElephant: We’ve had the exact same experience with my son (June birthday with a September 1 cutoff). Almost the whole class was 6 in kinder by the end of December. My son has always been a bit ahead of the curve verbally and typical physically. However, he and the few other kids that were younger all worked with a reading specialist because they were a bit behind the other kids. This did cause some confidence issues at first but we’ve been working with him a lot and hired a reading tutor, etc. I don’t have the perspective yet to know whether sending him on rather than redshirting was the right decision. I do know that if it was my daughter (who tends to meet milestones a bit more slowly), I’d probably prefer to give her the extra time.
For us, we asked his teachers each year if they thought he would benefit in repeating a year and they consistently advised against it for him. We kind of wished we had attended a different school for PreK 3 & 4 because it would have been hard on him socially to repeat a year given his personality (his school is PreK 3 through 8th grade). Just something to think about.
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This post is timely because my oldest just turned 5 last week and our cut off is 9/1. We began thinking about giving an extra year of preschool right around age 3 too. My son is speech delayed, has some sensory behaviors and shows some signs of ADHD (not diagnosed but we will discuss at his well check). We are officially doing one more year of preschool. I always leaned towards not sending on time but the final decider was when his preschool teacher said she thought he would benefit from an extra year of preschool. And I know she didn’t say that to all summer birthday kids so I take her recommendation seriously.
Frankly, we have received a bit of pushback from other families since most send on time but having the support of a preschool teacher who has been around preschoolers for 15 years gave me the confidence to know it was the right choice for our son. It’s not an easy decision and I feel I’m constantly defending it. This summer is particularly hard because everyone asks my son if he’s excited for Kindergarten when they find out he’s 5. I’ll be so happy once September rolls around and the decision is final.
At this point keep doing what you’re doing and surround yourself with people who can support your child. Once the time rolls around where a decision can be made hopefully they can give you another perspective to know if he’s ready or not.
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@crazydoglady: hi fellow July mama! I can’t believe our babies are 3!
First on K: We just finished K for our okder DD. She is a winter birthday so we didn’t have this issue but I wanted to say that I felt like our pre-k took the idea of readiness seriously. The conferences that year were focused on that goal and I know that some families got feedback that their kid was not ready and what recommendations there were. Also to counterbalance some of the stories about everyone turning 6 quickly my DD’s class had a range of birthdays throughout the year. We also saw a lot of maturation from 4.5 to 5.
I also think that some struggle is appropriate, expected and ultimately beneficial. It is good for our kids to stretch themselves with support and the job of their grownups (teachers and parents) to anticipate how to help manage the transition and problem solve with them.
For my little guy, he is going to be a young 5 as our cutoff is also 9/1. But he is emotionally mature for his age, very verbal, social and cooperative. So we plan to send him on time. Something would have to change drastically for us to reconsider at this point.
But I think the bottom line is that you know your kid best, you will know where he is at and you can work with whoever your team is (teachers and speech therapists etc) to decide along with maybe the school? I don’t think it is too early to think about it...
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My daughter turns five next week, we have a 9/1 cut off, and we are holding her for a year. She’s very bright and has been ahead of her peers academically so I worried she would be bored being older than everyone, and always planned to send her on time. But her PreK teachers recommended it pretty strongly at the conference in November. At first I kind of fought the idea but the more I thought about it, the more i realized it’s the right call to hold her. She’s immature for her age, has trouble with transitions and impulse control. The thing that sealed it for me ironically was a preK teacher she didn’t work well with. I felt like she got off to a bad start with the teacher at the start of the year and the teacher just always seemed to think she was a problem kid (which, to be fair, she often was, but still. She was FOUR.). I didn’t want her to start school and get labeled the bad kid and start to think of herself as the bad kid.
So anyway- I started researching gap year programs in November and made a decision in February the year before she would have started K. I found a well regarded junior kindergarten program in my town that I think will be really good for her. I’m glad it worked out because it’s definitwly trickier changing courses later- like I may have done a different second year of preschool had I realized I was waiting. So it’s nice that it’s already on your mind now!
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@jaybirdie: Fortunately, a few of our friends have kids born right after the cut off, so he would essentially be in the same grade as his "friends." It sounds like you have a great plan for your son...in the end, I imagine that being really ready is better than not.
@MamaCate: Hi! I know...time flies! I am a teacher, so I totally get the merit of being challenged, but I anticipate he would really struggle ( more so for his delays vs birthday.) I feel like delays+ immaturity+ young age= redshirting. And, yes, I will definitely be getting lots of evulation to make sure we make the best choice. I really wish he would be ready, but it just doesn't seem likely.@Foodnerd81: Thank you for sharing your experience! DS currently goes to an in home preschool (they do focus on kinder readiness.) I would have him go to an actual preschool now, but he isn't potty trained yet. He wouldn't be eligible for TK, so I am thinking about having him go to an actual preschool when he is 5 (instead of kinder) and then kinder at 6.
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I think about this a lot because I have a son with a July birthday, and our district’s cutoff is September 1. But unless we move or go private, the decision has been made for me. In our district, if you don’t timely enroll your kid in kindergarten, they go straight to first grade the next year. They did this because so many people were redshirting their kids, the cutoff became meaningless. And the few people who did follow the rules ended up enrolling their kids in kindergarten with other kids over a year older than them.
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@Calibee: This is good to know-- I should probably check with the district first.
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@crazydoglady: I think you have a good way to think about it and I think your instincts sounds right (without really knowing your family of course) but I think in general I just wanted to add some considerations. Does your school district offer developmental preschool/pre-k where he could get support with speech and school readiness at the same time?
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My oldest has a 9/19 and the cutoff is 9/30 in our area. He goes to Catholic school so the rules are a bit different. I enrolled him PK on time meaning he turned 4 about a month into school. I was apprehensive about it but he was ready. He’s a rule follower and is mature for his age. My sister is also an aide for PK and agreed he was ready. He did well in PK. Come Kindergarten he did struggle with the reading and phonics part of it. We decided to have him repeat K. This was an option for us. I’ve heard that in public school they don’t repeat K but will repeat 1st if they are still behind.
Anyway, in the fall he will be going through K again. It was hard but I feel like it was the best decision for him. The teacher mentioned part of it was immaturity. Not in the discipline way but he just wasn’t that interested in the subject matter. I want him to have a good foundation.
I often wonder if I should have just made him start later. I do worry about this affecting his spirit. But he’s smart and I think he realized he wasn’t catching on to everything. These parenting choices are really hard!
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I teach kindergarten in a district with full day kindergarten so most parents do sent their kids if they make the deadline. I look at starting a child later as giving them a year to grow not "holding back". My daughter is a May baby but I've already decided to send her to a private kindergarten to give her a year to grow before the demands of public school. I have never seen a parent regret giving their child a year to grow and mature to be ready to handle the demand. I've seen young fives do fine and kids who turn six right away struggle so it really is child specific and I would think your mom instinct would tell you what to do. When making big decisions I often tell parents, there is not going to be a clear cut answer. There are pros and cons to both but one will just feel better than the other option and that's what you do! Good luck!
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@crazydoglady: so we were very on the fence for my son because he is a summer birthday and socially immature. However, he’s early summer and academically pretty ok. We went back and forth and what we have ultimately decided to do is enroll him in private kindergarten this fall. That way if he does better than we worry, he can go to 1st grade and be on track. But if he struggles and has outbursts, we can then just repeat kindergarten in our own district.
I have to say, I still wrestle with our decision and if he could just go to the local kindergarten, but this kind of seemed like the best of both worlds for us.
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@Mamatimes3: Thank you for sharing! FWIW, I did two years of kindergarten (started at age 4) and I really had no idea! I loved being the "expert."
@Elizabear: Thank you for chiming in! I completely agree. I just need to check with my district to see if 6 year olds are automatically placed into 1st grade.
@bloved: That's a great idea! I might need to look into some private schools. -
I just want to add one of the things that has bothered me this year- so many people would say things like “so much can change between November and starting school next fall”. And that’s totally true, but the junior K she is doing, which i feel is the best move for her, filled up in February. If I had waited I would have very few options. I could sign her up for public k at the last minute but preK does fill up!
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