Hellobee Boards

I would hang out with old friends, but if the kids are bad influences I would just get together with them for adults only outings.

I agree- it completely depends on what the "bad" behavior is. We have friends who push or don't share as well, normal troublesome toddler behavior- obviously we still play with them even if my kid picks up on that a little. She's still too young (2) for most really bad behaviors I think.

If it was something like a bigger kid really hitting or being mean, I'd probably limit the time we hung out with the kids.

I sympathize. My LO is the same age, and it's definitely quite a bit different than when he was a baby and then a toddler. Even preschool was pretty easy. But the behaviors that come out at this stage are much more complicated.

I notice children LO's age who behave badly--defined for my purpose as destructive or violent behavior--and I definitely don't hang out with them. Parents have a responsibility to monitor those situations, because children absolutely absorb the influences of those around them.

It's perfectly reasonable for you as a parent to make a judgment if you see an influence that is violent or destructive and to respond to it. If you can talk to the parents because you have a good relationship with them, I might do that. But if not, it's okay to decide that you can't let certain influences remain in your life. There's a difference between making a thoughtful discretionary decision and being overly judgmental.

I don't have any friends who I would deem having children with bad behaviour out of the norm of a 2 year old, so I don't know what I would do in that situation. I do, however, have friends with a drastically different parenting style and I absolutely cannot spend time with them and their kids, or talk with them about any parenting topic no matter how casual. I am happy hanging out with just the kids though!

I usually like hanging out with people with different parenting styles, but this is such an extreme difference that I just can't take it.

We had a play date with a kid who just doesn't listen to his parents, and it rubbed off on my son for over a week! Since then, we've been more careful about limiting play dates with certain kids...

I came back to address the finding new friends part of your question: Yes, I think it can be easy to meet friends for you and your children and have everyone hit it off right away. I think the best place to find people you'll get along with and enjoy being around is doing things you like to do. If you like to swim, go to the beach or pool regularly. If you like to hike, go hiking and hang out for a while at the closest nature center/get to know the park rangers. The people who have also made time and effort to do the things you like to do already have some common ground with you, and that's a good place to start a friendship. In fact, this is how essentially all of my deep friendships have started.

I tend to think the drop-off line at school, the playground, and the sidelines at whatever children's activity is popular are much harder places to meet real friends, because the only thing you definitely have in common is that you've got children the same age. Maybe you aren't primarily looking in these places for additional friends, but I see a lot of people who are, and those are the relationships that seem to me to be the most challenging to make stick.

Luckily we haven't run into this yet, only a couple of our friends have kids. And they're all pretty little so everyone's behavior is "bad" to some extent, lol.