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How would you react to this?

  1. MrsMccarthy

    honeydew / 7295 posts

    I think it's cute! Sometimes I do worry about my son getting sick but I'm sure I wouldn't react with annoyance.

  2. mediagirl

    hostess / wonderful persimmon / 25556 posts

    @Arden: I think it's really weird that the parents reacted this way! Your lo is young and just trying to be nice. It's not like you have a 14 year old boy running up to all the toddlers on a playground and hugging them. I would find it adorable. I might say somethig to the parent like, "Oh geez, she's in a huggy phase. Do you mind?" And laugh about it.

  3. Mrs. Sunshine

    hostess / cantaloupe / 6486 posts

    @Arden: I would think it's absolutely adorable. But that's just me. I may look a tad concerned because LO is only 10 months & I know toddlers don't always know how to be gentle but I would be 100% fine with it & would have done exactly what you did.

  4. erwoo

    pomegranate / 3053 posts

    For me, if the kid isn't snotty or coughing and is gentle, then I wouldn't mind. I don't think I would let my child hug anyone if he's sick. I would just feel terrible if he got any other child sick. My oldest used to hug all of his friends and not just gentle hugs. He used to hug tackle them. Thank goodness he outgrew that and now won't hug ANYONE! LOL!

  5. mrsjyw

    GOLD / wonderful apricot / 22646 posts

    I wouldn't think anything of it if DS wasn't bothered by it. But, if he's the hugger, I'd probably gently pull him away, especially if other parents didn't seem to like it.

  6. lizzywiz

    persimmon / 1178 posts

    @Weagle: your comment about your friend made me laugh because in my head I am totally thinking "please don't play with my kid, please don't play with my kid..." lol. It sends my own social anxiety through the roof to try to facilitate her social interactions and then, oh god, if the other parent wants to talk while our kids play? Hell. On. Earth.

    I don't actually say anything out loud, though, because both my kid and I need to learn how to play nice with others. I act normal and then self medicate with a glass of wine that night

    Honestly, it never occurred to me to teach my kid to turn down social interactions- that would be amazing. Maybe she could answer my phone, too:

    "No, thank you, Just say no thank you!" bwwhahaha

    Re: hugging. I do what other posters said and just let the other parents know I am aware by verbally acknowledging and redirecting behavior. Just like you did @Arden:
    'Ask before touching,' or 'Remember to take turns. You have to wait and then it will be your turn' etc. I wouldn't care if another kiddo hugged LO. LO will let them know her boundaries.

  7. travellingbee

    hostess / papaya / 10219 posts

    Wouldn't bother me unless she was hugging rough. I think it's cute. But I think you handled it well and that there were just a lot of helicopter parents there that weren't letting their child figure out what's comfortable for themselves.

    I might get some flack for this but as a teacher I have to say that I am always a little bit distraught when I see parents that don't allow their kids to problem solve or handle things on their own before they step in. IMO kids need to figure out social interaction for themselves. (That doesn't mean I wouldn't step in if something were highly inappropriate or obviously dangerous). I have elementary age students that have no clue how to solve a social situation and want intervention from teachers and parents for every little thing. I subscribed to a Love and Logic approach to discipline as a teacher and as a parent and want my children to solve their problems. I will help guide them but I don't want to solve their problems for them and intervene when it isn't necessary.

  8. JerricaBenton

    pomegranate / 3872 posts

    I guess for me it would depend on two things; my LO's reaction/mood and my own assessment of the child/their parent.

    LO is 17 months and very social but often times she likes to do her own thing. If a bigger kid was coming up to her and looked like they were going to hug or touch her, I'd probably try and stop it before it happened, like, 'oh hey! Please be careful/don't touch! LO is just little!' Usually if something like that happens the other kid's mom would tell them to stop. We've had situations where an older kid is following us around at the park, asking LO to chase him or whatever and I'll just say she's too little. If it was a little toddler and LO wasn't threatened in any way I'd be totally fine with a gentle hug. If I thought the kid was sick or super messy (like muddy or something) or if I felt like their parent wasn't watching at all I'd definitely stop the hugging. I can't imagine reacting badly to a little kid giving gentle hugs though. Even if LO wasn't into it I wouldn't grab her away.

    Maybe it was like a mommy mob mentality. One mom overreacted and grabbed her kid away, then the others did too.

  9. Sparkler

    kiwi / 548 posts

    I don't think it's a big deal that parents redirected their kids or that you did anything wrong by allowing it. If they said something snarky, that would be different though. I have a child similar age to yours and an older child and my older child knows that behavior is crossing a boundary and he will say things to my toddler like, "We don't touch friends without asking." Although not a germaphob, I definitely redirected my child from a touchy toddler at the airport place space the other day as I am just so sick of summer colds and fevers interfering with plans and work! I also am at a place in parenting where I don't get offended by much...everyone has their story and very few people ever act in a way to intentionally hurt others. Enjoy this age for its cuteness, but remember that not everyone out there thinks our toddlers are as cute as we do!

  10. Katrocap

    persimmon / 1230 posts

    I don't think it's inappropriate for her to hug other kids at all. Like you said, she was trying to make friends and I'm sure it was adorable! The other day DS and I were at the playground and a little girl came up and hugged him. He stepped back, put his palm up to her face and said, "no!" I was mortified and glad that the little girl's mom didn't see that interaction!

  11. mrsjazz

    coconut / 8234 posts

    Older kids love to hug my daughter and one hug is okay (although I'd prefer no hugs, sorry, you are still a stranger, kid. Cute, but still a stranger), but continually trying to hug is not ok. I usually go remove her from the situation. One time I had to go up and stop a kid who was obsessed with my LO and just kept hugging her and wouldn't stop, while the mom laughed and said how cute it was. My LO was not having fun, so I said something to the kid (as I was removing my LO), "Hugs are nice, one hug will do." It's about personal space and kids need their personal space respected as well.

  12. meredithNYC

    pomegranate / 3314 posts

    It really would not bother me at all.

  13. hilsy85

    squash / 13764 posts

    @mrsjazz: yep I agree. One hug is ok. Continued hugging from a stranger is not. I would remove LO from that situation.

  14. Adira

    wonderful pomelo / 30692 posts

    @mrsjazz: @hilsy85: Agree. We were once at a birthday party where an older toddler was loving on Xander. She just kept coming up to him and trying to kiss him on the mouth!! I was NOT okay with that (especially because they were eating cake and chocolates and Xander's allergic to dairy). The mom seemed to just think it was so adorable and I had to be that mean parent that kept them apart! Personal space needs to be respected, whether it's kids or adults.

  15. Mrs.Panda

    nectarine / 2358 posts

    In the situation you described I would think it was fricking adorable.

  16. mrsrain

    nectarine / 2115 posts

    At some point (when LO is old enough) it would probably be worth talking about personal space and asking people before you do things like hug them or kiss them. But with really young children I would let it go for sure. They just want to be friendly, and that is how they know to do it!

  17. meganmp

    persimmon / 1420 posts

    this happened to us today! It's funny, because I read your post before I went to a play space, I didn't have a chance to reply. My son was the recipient of the hugs, and he lost his damn mind. The nanny of the little girl felt really bad, & I told her it was totally fine. Yes, children need to be respectful of other people's personal spaces, but my child also needs to learn how to go with the flow with some things. Hugs are not a big deal to me.

    @travellingbee: Yes on kids not being able to solve social interactions! I see the same thing in my classroom, and at my school. I see some adults with the same problems, too!

  18. MrsRoo

    pear / 1642 posts

    This happens to K all.the.time. She's a hugger, and I get dirty looks from parents or the parents pull their kid away more often than not. It's really frustrating, but I just end up following K around saying things like, "K, we can't just touch people without asking!" Or "why don't we just say hi and blow kisses?"

    If a younger kid came up to her and wanted to hug her or play with her, I'd think it was adorable- and be thrilled tht K had a little playmate

  19. Arden

    honeydew / 7589 posts

    @MrsRoo: K is almost the same age as V right? I'm trying to teach her to wave instead but I mean, she's a baby. She just wants to hug people.

    If the child acted uncomfortable or pushed her away OF COURSE I would pick her up and take her away, but I really thought it was ok if the other child didn't mind. I guess not.

  20. Cherrybee

    papaya / 10570 posts

    Personally, I would think it was pretty cute. D'aaw, I wish you lived near us Arden, E loves other kids and loves hugs - she would totally be Vivi's friend.

  21. sandy

    cantaloupe / 6687 posts

    @Arden: I have an older child (2 years 8 months) and she is totally in a hugging phase right now. She has a big group of friends that we get together with for play days and she loves to give them hugs while they're playing. Her friends range from babies under a year and kids as old as 4.5. But we also do lots of activities out and about where there are kids we don't know and they are all playing together at a play gym, play area, story time or a summer camp program and all the kids are playing together and she'll want to hug a child. Most time the kid and parent are totally fine (I keep my kid home if she's sick) but every once in a while a parent will give my LO a dirty look or death stare and I have no idea why that is when the child is completely ambivalent and unaffected by the hug. And if you don't want my LO to give your kid a hug, then just kindly tell her "no thank you, he/she doesn't want a hug right now". I could chase her across the room and tell her not to hug or pull her away when I see the dirty look but by then the hug is over. I have been taking to her about only hugging friends if they want a hug but she's just so affectionate and does it in the moment (she doesn't give everyone hugs everyday or anything). We are working on it but I just don't get the dirty looks - just talk to my child like a human being

  22. MrsRoo

    pear / 1642 posts

    @Arden: yes, she's 15 months. We are an affectionate family, so she loves to snuggle, hug and blow kisses. She gets so excited around new kids that she just goes right up to them for hugs! I feel bad when I have to remove her from a child. If Vi ever needs a playmate to hug, let me know

  23. skibobrown

    pomegranate / 3388 posts

    That's cute! I think I'd be a little weirded out if a random kid came over and hugged my kid. I wouldn't pull her away, but I would probably just keep an eye on the situation in case it developed in a negative direction. I think if my kid was hugging lots of random kids on the playground I would probably tell her that it's ok as long as she asks the other kids first if she can hug them.

  24. NovBaby1112

    grapefruit / 4066 posts

    I'm in the I wouldn't mind at all camp. But my LO loves when she gets hugged and doesn't mind kids coming up to her and giving hugs/kisses. If I were the parent of the hugger though, I would try to gauge the parents first and see how they feel. If they looked uncomfortable or on edge, I would take LO away and just say something like "aw that's nice, one is enough...we wave hello instead" or something to that effect...

  25. travelgirl1

    cantaloupe / 6630 posts

    This thread has totally made me think. My LO is so sweet with hugs and she often goes and hugs other children. Usually I look at the parent or nanny and say "awwww" and honestly don't think much about it. It didn't occur to me I should be teaching her to ask first etc, maybe it should have but it didn't. Usually though, this happens at a playgroup we go to daily so we all know each other - not well, but we know each other's kids' names - so I guess we are all okay with it. In future I will be more aware of it though after reading the responses of people who wouldn't like it.

  26. jedeve

    pomegranate / 3643 posts

    It wouldn't bother me. Hugging is a normal social behavior at that age, whereas it's not for adults. If another kid/parent seemed upset, I might say "lets not touch." But the germ thing wouldn't even occur to me.

  27. Maysprout

    grapefruit / 4800 posts

    It wouldn't bother me - hugs are better than hitting - and honestly they're both probably just phases, toddlers go through so many. If it was me I'd just be standing nearby to make sure she wasn't knocking anyone down or about to get hit if someone didn't want a hug. My LOs were just out and about at the pool and they were both hugged and poked at plenty today.

  28. Applesandbananas

    pomegranate / 3845 posts

    @Arden: I would think it was cute. LO LOVES other kids and does stuff like this all the time... His latest obsession is giving kisses...open mouthed slobbery French kisses. I'm not sure where he learned how to French kiss lol, those mommies should be glad it was just a hug! I encourage LO to be friendly and interact but he's about the same age as Vi and has no concept of personal space, so I'd jump in if I felt like he was making someone uncomfortable.

  29. Mrs. Pen

    blogger / wonderful cherry / 21616 posts

    @travelgirl1: quite honestly I may not have thought to teach my child to ask/respect boundaries if he was a girl. I think it's SO important to instill in him at a young age that he needs to respect girls, their comfort level with affection and any other type of interaction. The hard part is that he is 2.5 and still not getting it - and I know it's just so sweet and innocent to him, he is SO affectionate - but he just does not understand why he can't hug and kiss every little girl he meets.

  30. travelgirl1

    cantaloupe / 6630 posts

    @Mrs. Pen: Good point. And sadly, I think you're right, it probably is something that boys need to be more aware of as they get older.

  31. photojane

    cantaloupe / 6164 posts

    I don't understand why there needs to be any discipline...? Sadie is very friendly and affectionate. She's a baby. I encourage her kindness. If a kid was upset by her attention, I'd say "He doesn't like hugs. Maybe we can just be friends without hugs!" Otherwise, she's free to love her little heart out.

  32. ShootingStar

    coconut / 8472 posts

    It wouldn't have occurred to me to get upset. As long as he was ok with it I'd think it was cute if a little girl about his age hugged him. Of course if it's excessive Or aggressive that's different. Idk I hope that he grows up and is a person who's comfortable giving and receiving affection.

  33. irene

    nectarine / 2964 posts

    I am in the minority as well..... If a random child hugs my child, while I may squeeze a smile, observe if her parents are "normal-looking", but deep down I would feel quite awkward and uncomfortable about it.

    I am a germophobe and I read too many articles about strange scams out there. (eg. The latest I read was don't help take photos of strangers on the streets of Shanghai or they may have something on the camera that drugs you and then they'll snatch your child lol)

  34. Anagram

    eggplant / 11716 posts

    @photojane: I agree with you. How sad that hugging from a toddler needs discipline. Meh. We have interesting cultural norms.....I feel like playgrounds are made for kids to socialize and then parents come and muck it all up with our own quirks and issues.

    I put my baby on a baby swing the other day and the baby at the next swing was kind of shouting (happily) at her, so my LO started shouting back. They were doing baby communication and it was so cute. But then the mom was like, "Oh sorry, he's screeching a lot lately". But I was just like.....but we're outside. At a playground. Made for babies. Why would that need an apology!?! And I don't think she really MEANT it, I think she just felt like she had to say it, lest I think her baby was a "bad baby" or something?

    Meh.

  35. birdofafeather

    pineapple / 12053 posts

    Row is an agressive hugger and unless the other kid doesn't like it or seems upset, i let her hug. she's 1.5 years old, not a 5 year old! she had another (random) kiddo come up to her and hug her at the store and she was running away and a stranger commented, oh, she doesn't like it. and i said, oh, she's a pretty aggressive hugger herself. and she literally turned around and started hugging the other kid. she knows how to say no (oh dear, she says no to everything!) so unless she's saying no, then i really try to hang back and let the kids work it out. i think there's something to be said for parents who don't want their kids to be hugged telling them to say no to those hugs, right?

  36. Mrs Green Grass

    pomelo / 5628 posts

    My 18mo crawls up to people and nudges them with his head like a dog...for a little perspective.

    I doubt she can really understand at this point, but I'd probably start with "hugs are nice, but we don't hug people we don't know, we wave."

  37. looch

    wonderful pear / 26210 posts

    Right, hugs are better than hitting, but if my son reacts to the hugging by pushing, what would be appropriate? Would you all be fine if I just shrugged it off, or would you give my son and I the side eye? Be honest!

    I think also we tend to look at it from our perspective as adults, with interactions with children. Is it appropriate for a random adult to come up to you and hug you?

    And one last point is that, yes, I tell my son to verbalized what he is comfortable with. What makes people think that your kid, who doesn't understand hugging everyone isn't okay, would understand no from my son? I am all for letting kids work it out themselves, but under the age if 5, they might need some help especially when you have children of differing ages, abilities, even spoken language!

  38. littlek

    GOLD / squash / 13576 posts

    My son likes his personal space and probably would not want to be hugged by a stranger. I'd probably intervene because be would start saying "no thank you" and if that didn't work pushing the hugger away.

  39. swedishfish

    GOLD / coconut / 8266 posts

    @looch: agreed, I also thought of the times others have said how upset they were when a random adult touched their baby at a store. Why, then, is it alright for a random, younger person to touch your baby? I think it's never too early to start teaching appropriate boundaries and respect for other people's personal space.

  40. Trailmix

    nectarine / 2152 posts

    I would think it was adorable and it would not bother me at all! Little kids' conception of personal space is a lot different from adults', mine are like puppies, always on top of one another, etc...I think it's nice, touch is a way to bond with someone

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