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This would be a hell no from me, coming from someone with a kid who also hates the car. The car part alone sounds like a nightmare. But no, I would not be ok with this, and I think your dh needs to realize that while he wants to go, it's just not reasonable, practical, or considerate. I mean, I WANT to go on an international trip too, but it's not happening right now.

Can friends or family stay with you to help out?

@Pollywog: It would be a big nope for me in this situation. That kind of effort for me is reserved for family or very close friends that we see often and are a big part of our lives. I would send a nice gift and well wishes and enjoy your vacation as a family!

Hard pass on the wedding. Sorry, I'm sure it would be great fun for your husband, but it sounds like a nightmare for you and his responsibilities as a husband and parent come first and make this logistically impossible.

@Pollywog: how about a car service or UBER? I'm not sure where you're located, but it might be worth the $$$

@Pollywog: Have you walked through the logistics with DH? Does he realize what a burden this would be for you?

It sounds like you may be sleep deprived if LO isn't sleeping through the night. It may not be safe for you to get up at 4am and drive DH to the airport and drive home.

Is there a way to overcome some of the logistical issues (Driving to the airport with LO and packing/unpacking the car/rental house)?

I know I'll be in the minority but I'd want DH to go to the friend wedding but I'd be asking for help where I could get it, and I would be having him find alterative airport transportation, I would not drive 4 hours there or if I did I would leave my toddler to play with his cousins at the beach under the care of my in laws.

I have high school friends I only see 1-2 times a year but I would be devastated to miss their wedding and I know DH has a few too.

@Pollywog: no, and no. I'm shocked he asked, to be honest. You are vacationing with HIS extended family, but he wants to peace out early and leave you there alone to solo parent, do night wakeups, drive him 4 hours to the airport at 4am, drive 6 hours home solo?? WTF? I mean that honestly. W.T.F.

That would be a hard no from me. But my husband wouldn't dare to ask. Here are the conditions husband would need to meet for me to change that no to a yes.

1)vacation with extended family is nixed.
2)that money saved is put towards a nuclear family vacay OR a vacay where you and he go somewhere alone and get a babysitter (like grandparents) for the kiddo
3)then yes, he can go to the wedding, with an Uber to and from the airport while you are at home solo parenting

alternate scenario:
1) DH, not you, does the legword and convinces his family to babysit your kiddo while you and he go to this wedding together.
2)DH, not you, does the legwork to rent a car or do whatever to get yourselves to the airport so no one has to leave at 4 am to take you

alternate scenario:
1)Dh says no to wedding.
2)you keep extended family vacation as is.

Hell no. He gets to pick one or the other.

DH's friend knew when she planned an international no-kids wedding that she was giving him a very slim chance of being able to attend. I would assume she's aware of that and entirely okay with it.

@Anagram: hell yeah. Good plans!

If he was really close to the couple and is adamant about going, I would ask him for an equivalent vacation for myself! Not saying that marriage should be tit for tat, but that if he has to think about the shoe being on the other foot, it might help him decide whether or not he wants to travel internationally to a wedding for someone he's in casual contact with. If he said yes, then I'd suck it up and plan my get away for the very near future.

ETA: I agree that he needs to find his own way to the airport! On a side note, it might make the family vacation more fun if he could actively work on including your and your LO more. I don't think you guys have to be so excluded.

This is really hard and I'm sorry! I would approach this with my husband as, " I hear that oh of these things are really important to you, and I want to be supportive. I'd also like to explain the logistical challenges and the negative ways this makes me feel/puts additional work on me. Once I've been able to share that part with you, let's talk about what we both think makes sense in this situation." It helps make it you guys as a team against the problem rather than you v. Him. I'm sorry it's an ongoing issue- those types of ongoing things can be so tough! I hope it works out for you in a way that feels good for everyone involved (but mostly you, heheh)

My husband would float this by me, I mean, sometimes don't you need to talk things out to make sure that there isn't a way to solve for it?

I personally make it a point not to tell my husband specifically what he can and can not do. He's old enough to weigh all the options and figure out a plan. And yes, sometimes we have to do things that we don't want to, that's part of being in a family.

As for the family that has hard time making new traditions, I get that...it's not easy and I wish I could give you some strategies.

@youboots: this thread totally triggered bad memories of shared vacations for me as well!

@looch: I think it takes a very agile relationship to be able to handle negotiations in a calm manner! It took DH and I years. I know lots of people who still can't manage those negotiations without anger, etc., even after multiple kids and many years of marriage. It is a learned skill!

@Pollywog: A few weeks ago, DH went to a family wedding overseas that I thought was totally unnecessary for him to attend. He wanted to go hang out with his brother/cousins at the wedding...and decided to loop in a work trip in the destination country as well. He was gone for almost two weeks, and I stayed home with the three kids - the older ones were on spring break for a week of the trip, so no activities/school to keep them occupied. Obviously, I was not thrilled.

I survived, and I'm over it at this point, but I still don't think it was a very nice decision for him to make. I had help for some of the time (my parents drove in) though. In your situation, NO WAY. Not unless he makes some MAJOR concessions (uber to airport, recruit help for you) to make the vacation part easier for you. And it needs to be clearly expressed to his family that these requests for extra help are coming from HIM, not you. No fair on him making you look whiny/needy. You agreed to the vacation (which is fun, but tricky) assuming you two were managing it as a team - this is a major and unnecessary switch-up.

That's a solid eff no from me! I travel solo with my kids pretty often but they are great car sleepers and it is still a huge hassle to load/ unload them, pack by myself, etc (and I'm usually only going a couple of hours away). This seems like way too much on you. Also- super uncool of your DH to abandon you on vacation because your kiddo needs extra care/ special meals and it isn't as fun for him to hang with you guys. Vacation should be relaxing for you too!