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I'm an attorney as well and took a job working for the state that I knew was family friendly even though the pay was low because I knew that at some point I wanted children and that I didn't want the craziness of firm life. We have great perks like a right of return for up to a year (so I took a full year of absence for my maternity leave and DS is 8 months now), the ability to work part-time, and inexpensive healthcare coverage that is really great as long as you work half time. Plus everyone I work with is a working parent, so every covers for each other and its not the end of the world if a parent calls in sick or late because their child is sick. Further, our agency is one of those "career" agencies - people tend to stick around for a long time, sometimes their entire working life. As a result, the agency has a sort of long view when it comes to working parents - they understand that it will be hectic for a few years but once the childbearing years are over and the kids are in school, you get to be that really skilled attorney in your 40s who's management material.

DH can support us on his income and he works crazy hours, so he actually really likes me being at home. He says knowing I'm with DS and not worrying about whether he is getting sick at daycare or whatever is a big load off him mentally and it makes him super productive at work. But I feel like I should go back, at least until our law school loans are paid off. We are almost done with mine, but we'll probably need another year of focused budgeting and aggressive payments to be done with DH's loans.

My plan now is to return to work half time (T, W, Th at 7 hours a day) and continue to pay my mother to nanny DS at home. (We bring her in 3 days a week now to be a mommy's helper for me to supplement her retirement income and to get familiar with DS and his routine before I go back to work). What I make should cover what we pay my mom, our healthcare, and groceries or something. DS will be 1 by the time I return to work and we can handle that arrangement until he turns 2 and then we'll think about sending him to nursery school 3 days a week. I think around that time we'll probably be looking to have our second child and then we'll have to have the discussion about work again. I think if my mom were to become too old to take care of both kids, I'd probably stop working, at least for a while. Plus, we want to preserve the option of homeschooling if we feel like it would be a better fit for one or both of our kids.

Of course, if it turns out our kids are doing just fine in a regular school setting and my mom can handle continuing to watch the kids, I'd try to keep working half-time until they are both in school and then switch to full time with my mom or a nanny staying with them after school. Aside from 3 busy periods of about a month each, my job generally allows me to go home at 5pm, so I feel like it would be a good balance as the kids grow older.

I'm similar to you in that there's not much in the way of part time work in my former field (finance) and my husband works very long hours so it's quite difficult for me to continue working in finance (no help around us). We are fine without my income so I can continue to SAH or find work when I chose. I'm lucky to have a choice! Right now I'm really enjoying being a SAHM and my kids are thriving. If this ever changes, I won't hesitate to rejoin the work force though.

@Madison43: different career but feel the same sentiments!

I'm a better mom because I work. I think I might be more apt to SAH now that DS is a toddler, but especially with infants, I was not cut out for SAH. I also have a job that is really flexible and family-friendly (I WFH 3+ days a week and project manage my time - i.e. I can work when DS is sleeping and spend more time with him when he's awake). And my mom is our primary care provider. So I feel like I get the best of both worlds as well!

For me, being a working mother is kind of a crapshoot. But my job is different from a lot of posters I guess, because when I am working, I have very little flexibility, since I work in education and need a substitute if I'm gone (and that requires a certain amount of pre-planning and extra work). There's no showing up slightly late or leaving slightly early or working from home.

Plus, LO commutes with me an hour each way, so I don't get "me time" without her--when I leave home, she leaves. When I come home, she's with me.

My husband is rarely home before 7:30 pm and often later, so I am always responsible for all the nighttime stuff--dinner, feeding LO, packing her daycare lunch, etc. If errands have to be run, I have to be the one running them. We clean our own house. We really don't outsource anything. DH doesn't even dry clean his work shirts--he washes and irons them himself.

I don't get sick days, because daycare is so far away. So for me personally, it's actually much easier to be a "SAHM" during my summers off because I have SO MUCH MORE TIME to do the same things I do after work now--grocery shopping, cooking, playing with LO and entertaining her.

I'm sure it will be way harder once this second baby is born, but this past summer with just LO was downright relaxing for me. I didn't have to wake up at 5:40, I could occasionally nap while she was napping, I had time to clean the house! It was nice.

Having said that, there are some benefits to me working--one, even though I work with kids all day and they are not the most grateful at the middle school age, I do really like my job. I'm also just 1 year from being tenured, so it's a bad time for me to SAH for a couple of years. Also, my DH is really egalitarian about household stuff when I'm working--whereas during summers when I'm off work, he kind of expects to come home and kick up his feet. In that way, it's way better for my marriage for me to work. And we are able to save a lot more money without DH's salary paying for everything. Plus, as a state employee, my health insurance is so good.

But I definitely have days where I look at a friend of mine who lives in my area, is a SAHM and making it work on 1 income (less than what my husband makes) and having more time on her hands for taking her LO to the park and fun classes. I definitely have my envious days where I kind of wish my DH weren't so focused on saving money, so I could stay home, haha.

So...definitely a crapshoot for me. I have days where I go back and forth about which scenario would be better in my situation, and I never find an easy answer.

@winniebee: Just chiming in to say that I'm way proud of my mom for being a SAHM (and I never give her credit for anything). As a WOHM turned SAHM, I know what it takes and means now to truly sacrifice your career and "your day" and social interaction to be at home with kids.

As of right now, I SAHM by choice and circumstances. Sure I'd love the extra money, the sense of accomplishment, adult interaction, and the time to myself. I actually think I'm a better mom because I'm home, not working and my focus is on DD and soon LO #2 and just being a mom. I'm the one that gets to console her when she gets pushed off the balance beam at gymnastics (today), when she's sick or just being down. And I'm truly really happy doing that.
I did a bit of consulting and WAH for a while, and I had to plant DD in front of the TV to take calls and work, had to check emails on my phone constantly, and I knew my head was more in my work than my daughter sometimes. I have a degree in a field that isn't going away anytime soon, so for right now, I'm just going to be grateful that this is what feels right for me and DH at this time in my life and in our kids' lives. Maybe I'll go back to work and maybe I won't, but I think I'll just make the decision at the time to do what is right for our family because you never know what life is going to throw at you.

I don't work, with a 3 year old and one on the way. My husband makes enough money for us to have a comfortable life, for which I am just enormously grateful. He is a very career oriented person, and I am not, so we work very well together.

I don't plan to be a SAHM forever, though, I'm planning to go back to work when my second daughter is a few years older. I'd ideally like to work a nice but fairly low stress/low hours job until my children are about 10, then I'm considering going back to school and hopefully going back to work full time at that point. But I feel really, really lucky to be able to devote so many of my resources to our family and home at this time in my life.

@winniebee: my lo tells me she's proud of me regularly Mommy's the one who fixes things and makes things pretty and runs really fast and cooks delicious food. I think its against most feminist thinking for articles to imply that kids will be embarrassed or not proud of sahp later. You're an accomplished woman and and will continue to be so whatever you decide to do. I worked as an adjunct for awhile. It was crappy pay for a lot of work and made our lives difficult and both of us had less time with the kids then. I felt like I was giving up precious time for peanuts, if they're embarrassed because I gave up adjuncting for a bit to help our family then I have enough self confidance to be ok with that.

I'm in a similar situation with DH working very long hours. Lately I've been thinking a lot about going back to work and we could certainly use my income but covering the cost of childcare for two kids is no joke, and then on top of that I suspect I would still be the one doing all the home stuff because DH just doesn't have the time. So I might be feeling more fulfilled on a personal level (because staying home is so often thankless) but would also be gaining many layers of stress in my life. Anyway that probably wasn't helpful since I'm just thinking out loud but I do get where you're coming from.

We could certainly live without my income but I work for a bunch of reasons:
- I am able to do interesting work, get paid well, have great benefits, and have the flexibility our family needs.
- 2 incomes allows us to aggressively save while living very comfortably, which in turn builds the financial flexibility to have more options down the road (working part time or living on one income by circumstance or choice).
- I am a better parent when I have accomplishments that are independent of my husband, kids, or home.
- I am more present with my kids when I'm able to spend time away from them.

@Tidybee: Agreed. My mom was a SAHM and it was the best. She's so awesome.

I haven't chimed in because I work because I have to. If I didn't have to, I probably wouldn't. But, I'd be interested to give the SAHM thing a try and see if I miss working in my field. I enjoy my work, and the grass is always greener.

@Maysprout: agree

I don't have to work and did stay home with DS for his first 9mo. I am a social worker and DH is in finance so were able to make that work until I found something part time that I would enjoy. I found a wonderful part time job (2 days/week) at my old company and I really do love it. I feel like I'm able to contribute to things like retirement, childcare, etc and still be home with our LO's the majority of the week. I wasn't cut out to be home full time so this scenario has been perfect for us.

@BandDmommy: thank you for saying this so succinctly. I completely agree.

I find that it's hard to find articles that support staying at home - it's a hard decision to make and one that I do still go back and forth on since I've been so career-focused for most of my adult life. And everything I google and read really supports staying in the workforce. So when I found this article the other day it made me stop and smile. Thought I'd share it for those of you that do SAH and who are weighing your options.

http://thefederalist.com/2015/02/20/nine-better-things-i-learned-about-becoming-a-stay-at-home-mom/

@sweetooth: well, I think one also has to consider what they would do if they suddenly lost their spouse, the sole wage earner. What then? It's not so easy to find just any job when you haven't worked in a long time, even the ones that don't require any skills. Insurance policies might cover the mortgage, but then what? Someone's got to pay to keep the lights on and pay the property taxes.

I'm pregnant with #1 but plan to keep working. We could live on just DH's income, but it would become harder to save, cutting out extras, etc. I feel like long-term, I need to work to contribute to savings, retirement, my Social Security earnings, college for kid(s), etc. We could definitely get by but I'm not sure about getting ahead.

I am also in a fairly family-friendly job for my industry (law). If I give it up and take a few years off, (as other lawyers know) I would basically be starting over, probably in private practice where I'd have to work a ton of hours, etc. I feel like if I stop working and stay home, I am really hurting my career long-term. If I was in an extremely demanding job with a ton of hours, I'd probably quit in an instant. I work for a nonprofit, so I don't make a ton of money, but my job is flexible with me and I have a lot of time off.

@looch: my husband just set up a life insurance policy which would allow us to maintain our lifestyle if he was to pass. Morbid to think about, but DH wants me to stay home with the kids. I could easily go back to work, not at same pay but it wouldn't take me long to get back to the manager level.

@looch: agree. My DH is finance guy so money is always on his mind.

@BandDmommy: Thank you for saying that.

There is no reason for a child to be more proud of their mom because they chose to work or they chose not to so they could SAH. Honestly, I don't really care if my children are "proud" of me. That's just a weird word choice. I want them to know I love them, will always be there for them, and I want to have a relationship with them such that they love me. Circumstances (working vs not) can change in a heartbeat so I'd hope their pride and respect for me would not be determined by whether or not I have a job.

I SAH in this season of our lives. Both DH and I had SAH moms and so I don't think we ever considered otherwise. If I hated it, DH would be totally fine with me getting a job, but I don't hate it. I don't always loooove it either. But I do get a ton of wonderful moments with my children I wouldn't otherwise and we fill our days with activity both in and out of the house so at this time it's working well. It's really nice to have someone on the homefront to keep life and our house organized so that we can enjoy every moment of the weekend and evenings. I'd like to get a job when our youngest hits school age because I don't think I could keep myself fully occupied at home without children around but I know it will definitely add another busy dimension to our lives - working moms have all my respect because they have so much to do at all times!

I wrote out a long post and it disappeared

Basically I'm a SAHM bc I love it. I worked at firms the two summers in law school and went to work for a firm right out of law school for another 8 years. It was stressful and I never want to have billable hours ever again in my life. I hustle every day as a SAHM and do what I would expect a full time nanny to do if I was paying them. I enjoy having mostly free weekends with my family bc I can take care of stuff during the week.

I keep my license active in case I want to return to work or if I have to return to work. We'll see what options there are for me when I decide to go back to work.

I do have fears that my LO will think being a SAHM was a waste of my life. But DH says she will be proud of my career before kids and proud that I hustle every day whether it's at a job or at home. that she'll learn to work hard and choose what makes her happy in life whether society thinks it's worthy of her time and effort. It's all about choosing what makes you happy - that can be working out of the home or choosing to stay at home. You can be a miserable unbalanced WOHM or SAHM - or you can be amazing and happy and be respected as a WOHM and SAHM