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I hesitate to share this because I don know if this is typical and don't want to discourage you..

My mother had very severe ppd with my older sister. Hospitalized for several months. 4 years later she had me. After I was born she had post partum psychosis and was hospitalized for almost 2 years.

So in her case it was much worse. But both times she recovered.

Reaching out to tell you I'm thinking of you.

I am struggling with PPA as well (still at 22 months). I know how overwhelming it can feel ... and how difficult it makes planning for other kiddos in the future. Hugs to you.

Following.

I had a really hard time after LO1 was born and then had a surprise pregnancy 6 months pp. I was not out of the depression from the first one so I cried and cried. Honestly, I didn't feel better or normal until I had LO2. I don't know if I was better prepared for it, or what. I look back on the first year of my oldests life and just remember so much pain and anxiety. Sometimes I think having the two boys (15 months apart at that) forced me to let things go in a way that I couldn't with just one. I dunno.

Feel free to PM anytime about this. Maybe I'd be more coherent that way haha.

@Peasinapod: one of my closet friends had the same experience she now works for postpartum progress as an advocate

@Ra: my PPA was late onset or at least late for me to realize what was going on, still dealing with it too

I had PPD/PPA with my first. This time it started during pregnancy and was the same feelings while pregnant. I didn't want my baby, considered suicide, wasn't eating, and couldn't stop crying. I went to the behavioral health department at my local hospital per my OB's referral. He was on look out because it was bad after LO1. I'm on Zoloft now and feeling slightly better. The doctor there said that for some women it starts earlier and earlier in the pregnancy.

Yes. I had antenatal depression with both pregnancies due to severe illness while pregnant, and while my PPD was bad after baby 1, it was severe after baby 2. I got better about a year and a half later, with help, but still have hard moments/ days, yet nothing like it was. (My youngest is 20 months.)

Was worse first pregnancy and pp. second pregnancy I was on lexapro to treat antenatal depression and anxiety and remained on it. She and I both did/are doing fantastic with me taking a low dose. ️

@Ra: My anxiety also hits hardest at night, and it's such a terrible spiral - the anxiety means you can't sleep, and the sleep deprivation feeds the anxiety.

I think I experienced PPA/PPD following my late loss this year - initially I thought it was just part of the grieving process but at 3-4 months post-partum things were getting much, much worse rather than better. I had never experienced such all-consuming darkness, and it was terrifying.

I finally reached a breaking point and got some help, my doctor prescribed anti-anxiety medication to take at bedtime and it has made a WORLD of difference. I've been able to fall asleep and I haven't had any middle-of-the-night panic attacks in over a month now. I met with my doctor today to discuss a support plan as we will be starting to TTC again in early November.

If you're willing to take medication, it might help to do so now before you decide whether to TTC for #2? Medication might help break the anxiety/sleep deprivation/anxiety cycle, and it might make the TTC or not decision easier.

to you, anxiety is so brutal.

I'm scared of this, too. Thanks for bringing it up.

I don't know if you listen to NPR, but On Point had a great show on PPD/PPA today. You can download the podcast, if you're interested.