Hellobee Boards

first, i am so sorry for your loss, and hope that you are healing mentally and emotionally

i had a missed m/c of an IVF pregnancy in december at 10 weeks, and i really wasn't sure at the time if i was going to be able to face doing it all over again. we took a small break until march/april, when we finally went back to the dr to talk about our next steps. throughout the whole process, having a plan has really helped me to feel productive and less out-of-control of the situation, and that initial meeting put me back into that mindset.

also, while i was devastated by the m/c, it was almost easier to get back into the IF treatment knowing that we had had some measure of success. the m/c occurred on my 3rd round of IVF, and i was getting near the hopeless point because he had yet to have a BFP. knowing that a BFP was at least possible made moving forward a little bit easier, despite the pain of coping with the m/c.

wishing you the best of luck with everything moving forward

I'm sorry you're in this position. I have never experienced a loss, so I hope you don't me responding. I did feel worn out at times with infertility treatments, and I actually had a big crying session one night b/c I just didn't know what I would do if it didn't work. I couldn't handle the idea of taking a break--I said I was going to do so more than once, but would feel like I needed to keep going. Then I scheduled surgery and we took a few months to be med-free. It was wonderful--so, so good for the body and soul. I would say that if you're feeling like you have to psych yourself up to do things again, consider taking a 1 month break and see how you feel. Just 1 month at a time.

@travelgirl1: I bought an infertility help book, and they have some good advice about this type of worrying. If you're interested, I will share what they say with you!

@travelgirl1: ok! I hope I represent the book well--I obviously can't share it all, and they give a lot of examples I found helpful to model after.

There's a very big section on worrying and all the different types of worrying that we do. I think they would categorize your concern about your period as the "what-if" thinking.

Here's a snippet from the book: "In this sort of thinking, you scare yourself by imagining negative future scenarios. [In this case, what if my period doesn't return? What if I'm back at square one?] The problem with what-ifs is that they can snowball into catastrophic thinking and leave you feeling really bad about events that may not even occur."

They then tell you to do the following when worrying:

Examine the evidence--question the evidence for and against your fears.

Generating more positive ways to look at the situation--think of other possibilities.

Reframing your thinking--create a new thought that is hopefully happier. Actively try to substitute this thought for your worried thought if the worried thought reappears.

I also really like their mindfulness approach (it gets a little hippie-dippy, but it makes sense to me). They say that instead of running from the pain, you turn toward it and hold it until it transforms. "The idea is to make friends with your issues rather than try to escape them....it takes you into the present, the only place where you can really live, and away from worries about the future or regrets about the past." They then give exercises for mindfulness--like breathing exercises.

I don't have any advice to give, just wanted to send hugs @travelgirl1: @Leialou:

@travelgirl1: @Leialou: hugs

I was very detached from the FET process emotionally after my miscarriage in March. It took a while to process and move on from my miscarriage but focusing on preparing for the FET did help.

@travelgirl1: how are you doing? I'm trying to stay upbeat about starting my first normal cycle after mc & really feel your pain. I'm excited to have a new cycle to start monitoring, but am also a little gun shy that it isn't as simple as just getting that BFP. I need a super-sticky rainbow baby!

@travelgirl1: I totally understand about the decreasing betas... It was so bittersweet to see the decline. I hope your Dr appt today went well & they gave you some good advice for moving forward.