-
@Adira: Thanks, it's nice to see that you are really listening and being open minded to my thoughts.
I hope we can see more of this sort of discussion here. This is really productive towards improving hellobee!
-
@Arden: I think sometimes it's hard for people to be able to see things from the other side. And I won't lie, I'll probably overlook stuff like this in the future too because it just won't occur to me naturally! BUT I definitely appreciate this conversation and it has opened my eyes to why a thread like that automatically put some people more on the defensive than others! Hopefully I can keep stuff like this in mind in the future to hopefully prevent (or at least not contribute to) more of the isolation/judgement that non-traditional parents are feeling!
-
@Arden: not specifically in that thread, but I guess some of it is wording too. It makes me think I should've added "because I'm a wuss and only want an epidural, ever" behind my previous statement of someone couldn't pay me to have a home birth
-
@Arden: so I have never labeled myself as AP or crunchy, but I co slept for quite a bit (and loved it! LO chose to stop, not me), I had a "natural" labor, I didn't want an induction, I'm still nursing at 16 months, I tried to babywear (LO wasn't a huge fan), we are anti-circumcision, I have never sleep trained, I'm vegetarian and so is LO, and I used a doula! But I also work outside the home full time, use disposable diapers, my LO gets screentime galore, and other non crunchy things! I guess I just want to say that it shouldn't be crunchy vs not crunchy! It's such a continuum and I think there are lot's of users interested in similar parenting styles to you, or who can benefit from your knowledge!
-
@cmomma17: I agree. There is room for both sides of the spectrum and a lot of people balanced in the middle. We just need to make a real effort here to treat people different from us with respect. I don't have a perfect record of being gentle and respectful, but I'm working towards it. I hope all of hellobee can work towards that goal. It may require a bit more moderation so that we can nip disrespectful behavior in the bud instead if letting it grow to create bullies and cliques.
-
@wonderstruck: I had an emergency c-section with my DD and plan on electing to have an RCS with my second and I did find runsyellowlites comments on c-sections silly but I wasn't offended, I just thought she was being ridiculous.
I guess I just like having people around to say ridiculous things as long as they are not nasty about it. I feel like we should be comfortable enough with each other to disagree and state our positions without being mean. I also feel that people need to be a bit less sensitive or what @cherrybee said.
@bkcaribBaby: I look for your posts all the time!
-
It's been really helpful to hear what people are thinking, and it sounds like some of the conversations have been helpful to the healing process as well!
Did want to mention one thing: I'm starting to get a bit uncomfortable about all of the naming (and sometimes shaming) of people, especially people who are no longer on the site. I think we can all agree that it'd be great if the site were supportive of more perspectives, including attachment parenting (along with others). That's definitely something that we really want to prioritize, and that we want to work to encourage as a community as well.
I also want to emphasize that it's totally ok to disagree with each other. In fact, we encourage people to disagree with each other! But in a perfect world, this stuff is discussed honestly but in a civil way... and at the very least, without a personal attack.
Anyway, it'd be great if this thread could ease up on all the naming/shaming of people who aren't on the site or aren't active right now. There's been a lot of discussion of the danger of cliques, and having groups of people attack someone... and I totally agree that it's a big issue. I think it's really healthy to discuss this stuff, but at the same time I also think we have to be careful not to form new groups that then attack the original group of people (who are mostly not here to defend themselves).
In the immortal words of one girl who has a lot of feelings:
Just kidding, but please keep in mind that some of the people being discussed aren't here to balance the conversation...
-
@mrbee: I've actually found it really refreshing that people aren't talking in thinly veiled ways about "certain users", which always causes a ton of "who are we talking about? can someone PM me what the deal is?" comments. I think to move forward people need to be able to call a spade a spade.
-
@Arden: agree to agree!
-
@ShootingStar: don't disagree and a vigorous discussion is healthy for the site, and so I haven't said anything until now. But 9 pages later, there's a lot of repeat mentions... so I think we may be at the point of diminishing returns. Just I thought I'd say something at this point, especially since many of these people aren't here to balance the conversation.
-
Why do I always miss these controversies / gossips until it is 9 pages long and no one link back to the possible post(s) that started it all? What happened? I am so confused.....
I don't come here nearly as much as you ladies do but I do consistently come here for the past 2-3 years since Hellobee started. I always find the responses to my posts friendly, warm and helpful 99.5% of the time, and I don't have any friends here. In some occasions I did feel being responded to negatively, "targeted", judged, or ganged up on, but that was over the course of the past 2-3 years, and for maybe 2-3 posts. Yes my feelings get hurt but I get over it. Because after all, I agree with @spaniellove: that this is just an online forum and we shouldn't be this involved.
I honestly don't think any of us are out to be villains though.... maybe that person had a bad day? Maybe that someone got yelled at by her boss at work, fought with her DH, and her LOs screamed with no reason for the entire night, which left her in a really bad mood? Something to think about...
But then again, I really didn't know what happened the past 2 days/months. hahaI do want to say it is hard to remain civil when we are on such a touchy subject: parenting. Everyone has a set of standards on how a child should be raised, and it is very hard not to judge others or get judged. My mom, my husband, my FIL + MIL, distant aunts, friends, friends with no children, and even the lady who sits next to us at the restaurant, have all commented/judged me as a parent at some point. So it has a lot to do with the subject. I guess it is human nature to care and watch for the best interests of our little ones.
-
@Arden: I commented on the thread about crazy parenting trends very early on and did say co-sleeping, but I also made sure to include that the reason I find it crazy is because I'm a total bedhog who needs tons of space. Hope I didn't unintentionally offend anyone! That thread started off kind of light-hearted and took an unfortunate, but not really unexpected, turn.
@mrbee: Sorry about that if I was part of the problem there. My intent was just to take away some of the confusion, because I think it can breed more resentment when people say stuff like 'a certain user' instead of just naming and addressing it with the person, but I certainly see your point about doing it with those no longer on the site and will make sure I don't repeat that behavior.
-
@wonderstruck: No offense taken! I have no problem with that type of comment, it wasn't putting co-sleeping parents down. There were a lot of commenters like you who were clearly being lighthearted and meant no harm.
-
@irene: I posted it on page 2 on here.
I hope this is what you were looking for. http://boards.hellobee.com/topic/jill-duggar-dillard-pregnant/page/5#post-1825788
-
@simplyfelicity: Thanks for the reference! I will read on it later tonight
No wonder I skipped it I have no idea who Jill Duggar Dillard is...
-
@mrbee: @raindrop: @arden: thanks!!
-
and I want to add: Kudos to @mrbee: for constantly having to read pages and pages of hellobee users fighting about issues (that may or may not even matter, to be honest), and have to break up fights on different threads. Let's give him a gift of all of us getting along and being nice to each other.
- Google Plus
- Stumbleupon
- Twitter
- Facebook
- Pinterest
- Favorite2
336 comments