I am new to this forum and site, so please bear with me.
Having lived with my Italian husband before getting married, I knew of his high threshhold for mess in the house. It is getting to a point now, where our arguments over household chores are overwhelming our relationship. I'm extremely resistant to starting a family under these conditions of keeping up with chores. I miss him.
I would truly appreciate any insights to first, put me in check of my reactions to doing chores, and two, stories of anyone in a similar situation and where you are now in terms of resolving this. My family nor my friends are really in a place to helpfully sympathize with me, so thank you in advance.
My dear husband
1. has a high tolerance for cleanliness,
2. doesn't know what it entails and chores isn't part of his vocabulary,
3. believes that cleaning up the house is "out of love" and that it shouldn't effect a person to clean for someone else.
Recently, we got into an argument about cleaning up the table after we painted together. I asked "will you help me clean the table?" We started cleaning and after a while I told him "don't put the paper there, you'll get paint on the table!" Then I asked him to get the broom and we both cleaned until the job was done. Later I went back to sweep the floor after he had done it, because I could feel dirt under my feet.
We were both frustrated afterwards. He was offended at the way I asked and told him to clean, and I was angry that I even had to ask and that he didn't know how to clean. I was so upset, I couldn't think straight. I could barely appreciate that he had communicated how he felt. I thought "well that's a given." even though as a person I want to nurture the things he does well.
Maybe once every 3 weeks for 20 minutes we have a good time with cleaning the house. Granted, he is home 4 hours a day, tired, and sleepy. I work from home and have a long workday.
Looking forward to your comments,