Ugh, we just arrived at my in-laws for Christmas,
and I'm already annoyed. I'm Jewish and my husband is not. My mother-in-law knows that we do a few Jewish holidays with my family, including Hanukkah, and that we don't have a Christmas tree at home. (Which my DH is totally fine with)
Every year we travel about a 6 hour drive to visit her and the rest of their immediate and extended family for Christmas. We help decorate the tree and do the whole Christmas thing. I'm totally on board with doing Christmas - we take our son to see Santa, etc. But for the second year in a row (LO is 4), my MIL has had him make an ornament at her house and then won't let him put the ornament on her tree! She says he has to take them home. And then tonight she said, well when you're an adult and have your own home you can have a tree and put up all your ornaments. Super passive aggressive. And then he feels bad, not because we don't have a tree but because it seems like she doesn't want his ornament on her tree.
I don't think it's enough of a big deal that I'll say anything. Just need to vent. How are everyone else's in laws so far?
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@Chuckles: ugh that’s annoying!
MIL casually mentioned over dinner when we arrived that she had a stomach bug on Thursday. I’m 26 weeks pregnant and we drove two hours to get here so I spent the first part of the evening completely anxious that we will catch germs. Nothing I can do now but wash hands and pray we don’t catch anything. Nobody else has been sick so fx it was just something she ate!
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Sorry! That's annoying.
My in laws (just a few of them) made Christmas plans at our house that we found out about...yesterday. I mean on the plus side they were bringing food. But we had no idea about it and wouldn't have found out it we didn't call to tell them about something else going on that day. Way too pregnant to even be upset though!! (Well, to do/say anything anyway.)
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@Chuckles: that is so incredibly passive aggressive!
@jhd: thst would make me blow my top! I hate when people are so inconsiderate with their germs... especially when you have a newborn or pregnancy going on. Ugh.
Yay for MILs that spend the holidays out of the country!
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@2littlepumpkins: lol surprise!!!
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@mrsbubbletea: I’m dreaming of spending a Christmas out of the country!
But aside from the potential germs things have gone better than expected.
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@Chuckles: Why, because her tree is too perfect for the craft she organized?! Bleh.
My in-laws got ahold of some old photo albums from grad school the other night and commented to each other about how pretty I used* to be. 🤨
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I love my MIL but last night she started talking about a kid who still believed in Santa when he was 8- IN FRONT OF MY FOUR YEAR OLD. I wanted to stop her talking as quickly as possible but without drawing the four year olds attention to what she was saying. I was finally like, “Ok that’s enough, stop.”
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We got invited to my in laws at 11am but were told she wasn’t providing lunch...however my 3yo got sick 2 hours in so we got to leave. And then spend the rest of the day dealing with puke
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@wrkbrk: oh my goodness! So incredibly rude!!
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@mrsbubbletea: right?
@wrkbrk: wow that's rude! Yikes!
@gotkimchi: sorry, that's such a bummer.
@Foodnerd81: aaah noooooooo! Did she realize it after?
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@wrkbrk: so rude! We're they saying it that way knowing how it sounded?
@gotkimchi: that is so annoying, especially with kids who will get crabby if they don't eat. For Thanksgiving, my MIL insisted that we come over at 11 to help get the turkey in the oven. At 12:30, I was like, hey LO really needs to eat lunch. And she just said, well I don't really have any food in the house and since it's Thanksgiving Day nothing is open. And then just stared blankly at us. She's so weird.
@2littlepumpkins: that is so weird and rude! Did they just assume you'd be home or forget to tell you?!
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Oh yes- finally had the yearly ‘judge other people’s kids for being picky eaters and how it must be the parenting’ conversation. It took everyone being here for two full days for t to come up.
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@Foodnerd81: ugh, that's the worst. We're lucky that my son gets his picky eating from his dad so his family is pretty ok about it.
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@Foodnerd81: My FIL is always the worst for this and he complains so much about what and how much my nieces eat (or don’t eat). I don’t feel like all that pressure helps kids! Btw my 3yo ate two pouches and that’s it because he won’t eat holiday food. Oh well!
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@Chuckles: @jhd: I mean, every toddler on earth has picky phases. Last year I argued with them about it. This year I briefly pointed out that a holiday dinner with extended family isn’t the time to fight with your kid over eating vegetables and left it at that. Then left the room and I’m still irritated.
My MIL always says things like “oh I was such a mean mom. I didn’t give them any choice about what to eat so they had to. Your mom is nicer.” Yeah, I hear you. You think I’m too lax. Loud and clear, thanks. (This is not only about food, it’s just always “I was a mean mom”).
I’m glad I left my wrapping until the end so I have an excuse to leave everyone for a while!
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@Foodnerd81: I feel the need to do the same thing whenever I let S get away with stuff at family and holiday parties. Yes, I let him go play after eating 3 bites of real food and I'll probably still let him have dessert. That way we all have a nice time instead of listening to my kid whine and cry.
This summer we visited my SIL (who has a 3 year old) and she was trying to tell S that he couldnt have dessert because he hadn't tried some of everything on his plate and that's the rule in their house. And she was trying to make him eat a blueberry, which I know he hates. I had to step in and say, well that's not our rule and unless you want my kid to gag, you won't make him try to eat it. -
No matter how much time we spend at my MIL's house, it's not enough. She frequently stands on her lawn pouting as we pull away.
She emailed me to ask about timing for Christmas dinner at her house. I suggested that we arrive between 2-3. This way my 3yo can nap in the car on the way there, and there is still time to visit for a few hours before dinner. She never replied but my husband thinks my suggestion was too late bc it won't be enough time.
Whatever, it's never enough time, and I don't really want to compromise on a lazy morning at home. I don't especially care that it is Christmas morning -- I'm Jewish but my husband is not -- I just don't want to hustle on a day off just to fulfill someone else's arbitrary expectations.
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What would happen if you told MIL what your son thinks? Like, “DS is really sad you won’t let him put his ornament on your tree. He thinks you don’t like it. We’d make sure to take it home when we leave”. Since you say that you don’t have a problem with Christmas, you can put all the ornaments he makes over the years in a box for him and he can decide what to do with it later.
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@Foodnerd81: glad you have an excuse to get away for a little bit! Exactly. My kid is overexcited already I’m not going to force him to eat anything. A holiday dinner is not the time to force kids to eat things or try new things. And if that means I’m “not a mean mom” then good! I know my child will eat when he’s hungry!
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@ElbieKay: I feel you on the never enough time. I find those guilt trips really hard to deal with. FIL was telling everyone how we never spend the night at Christmas we always rush away home. Last year we spent three days and two nights. This year I’m 26 weeks pregnant and only willing to spend one night away from home because I just can’t sleep well away from home. I know we will hear about it when we leave later today. Oh well.
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@Grace: yeah, I was thinking about saying something along those lines. Plus we don't have a tree partially because we're always at her house for Christmas. Basically I want to say, if you want him to make an ornament and also want us to visit for Christmas, then it would be nice if he could hang up his ornament while we're here so that it can be up for actual Christmas. We'll see what happens
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@Chuckles: ugh that's totally passive aggressive! We don't have a tree at home for a bunch of reasons, so we've also had a bit of a problem with what to do with ornaments the kids make. We've been hanging those in the windows, or in the kids' room, and that seems to head off hurt feelings
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We celebrated Christmas with the IL early. When we got there there was a giant pile of presents. Welp they were all for us and T. We asked last year to keep it simple. The only things we asked for and needed jeggings and PJs were not included in this pile of gifts. DD is almost 3 and I still have leftover toys from her first birthday and past Christmases that were never opened- we don’t have the space and are already drowning in toys and clothes.
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@Foodnerd81: I feel your pain! This morning MIL started talking about how only a few more years and we can be done with the Santa stuff and then started interrogating 5yo DD about “how do you think Santa gets to all those houses?” DH and I were so mad!
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@mamabolt: I don’t want to be done with Santa!! I’m only realizing this year how short a time it is that they are old enough to get it but young enough to believe.
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Why are our ILs so crazy?! ha.:)
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Christmas dinner, again discussed picky eaters. This time I couldn’t let it go and spoke my mind. Then the topic of obesity came up and turns out MIL “doesn’t buy” that some people have a genetic or biological predisposition to being over weight and it’s all about healthy eating and exercise habits for everyone. After arguing that one for a few minutes I had to leave and go play with the kids while her sons argued with her.
Happy Christmas everyone
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Usually I have so many MIL vents but this year I have none with her but I do have them with my family.
A couple days ago, I got a TEXT from my step mother that my dad was in the hospital, 5 hours after she took him in. My sister is literally 10 minutes away and I'm an hour and she couldn't call or at least text one of us sooner!?!
And this morning my mom just sat on my couch playing games on her phone rather than interacting with her grandkids or helping me cook. When I pointed out that I wish she wouldn't ignore them for her phone, she asked them to help her play a game on her phone. Seriously on Christmas morning when they got a bunch of new toys to play with.We will see my dad and step mom in a couple days for dinner and that's when I'll get all the crap for my oldest's picky eating, which he is actively going to therapy to deal with it. It makes me insane.
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@skipra: Oh the grandma using technology to interact with kids is a pet peeve of mine.
Every time my in laws come, my daughter (just turned 5) wants to play games on Nana's ipad with her. After 2 years of saying 10 minutes and then you need to play with a real game or toy, MIL finally gets it. We give our kids more screen time than we would idealistically like, so I don't really want that to be how they interact with others.
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My crazy MIL came over for Christmas to drop off gifts, not my choice in having her there. She attempted to ignore me all together and then got annoyed that my dad bought DS a similar gift that she purchased because she TOLD us she was getting it, as if we were suppose to tell everyone it was off limits. I'm seriously loosing my patience with her and DH for putting me in a situation of having her around when I've said I DON'T WANT TO BE AROUND HER! End rant! lol
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What a great time for an in laws vent. I feel your pain ladies.
My FIL owns his own business (small factory) and the subject of my (NON PAID) maternity leave came up, he acted surprised when I told him it was non paid, FMLA only requires my company to hold my job for up to 12 weeks... but then said "well if you aren't working they shouldn't pay you anyhow".
This was at the formal Christmas dinner. I said I have other thoughts on this subject and I don't think we should discuss at Christmas dinner and he got up to get "more butter" and that was the end of that.
But aside from the potential germs things have gone better than expected.
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