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It depends on what it is about, but I absolutely snap at my mom over things sometimes that if anyone else said it I would have taken it much better.

I love my mom, she's great, but she has this uncanny ability to drive me absolutely batshit crazy.

So, yes, absolutely. And after nearly ruining our relationship in the first 18 months after LO was born, I've learned how to manage and deal with it. I don't say that critically at all, because I totally get where it comes from, but having lived it and having come really close to our relationship breaking, I just realized where it is and isn't worth reacting (and that's REALLY hard for me).

My mom is very blunt. Super blunt. And I've spent a lot of time feeling like I had to correct and apologize for her around other people, even though no one ever really thought that way, it was mostly my own issue. When LO was born, I intentionally didn't have my mom come for a few weeks, not wanting to deal with her sometimes overbearing helpfulness. Worst decision ever, as I was recovering from a c-section, dealing with a NICU premie, and really could have used her by my side. I then spent those 12-18 months rejecting EVERYTHING my mom told me, almost on principle. In hindsight it was also a major sign of PPD/PPA, but these are not concepts she resonates with (older world Russian woman), so it was hard to explain after the fact. At one point my strong reactions and rejections literally sent her to the hospital with a panic attack (my dad told me 6 months after it happened). I ruined her 60th birthday by refusing to enjoy myself because of LO's sleep schedule, that I obsessed over. It was just bad. So after we had a big get-it-out conversation around LO's 18 month birthday (and thank God my mom cared enough, after all I put her through, to even have it with me), I resolved to work harder at letting it go, remembering that it all comes from a good place of helpfulness, not her thinking me completely incompetent, and picking my battles. And I worked through a lot of this with a therapist as well, and it's helped a ton, frankly. My mom and my daughter have an amazing relationship, I am much calmer, and when I do react, I keep myself in check. Case in point, LO got strep this weekend so my mom starts sending me a litany of things to do via text, all of which I already know. A few years ago, I would have snapped at her about thinking me incompetent. This time I took a deep breath, reminded myself she just cares and doesn't really think about how she's coming off, and we had a casual chat and I moved on, rather than it becoming a huge fight. I feel you, more than I can really relay, but I'd also urge you to just be more selective with what you discuss, and temper your own reactions. You won't teach her new tricks, but you can help yourself manage it better.

@codeitall: “comments that she probably thinks are helpful, but that I view as a criticism” YES

The weird thing is it’s driven me more crazy over time than when I first became a mom. I can’t tell if she’s getting more judgmental or I’m more tired and more sensitive (or probably both). It also gets to me that she totally tip toes around my SIL (at least to her face). I get why, it just makes the comments to me grate more.

In a way more because I know she is usually right because she knows me the best (besides my husband.) But in a way a lot less because she's always been so honest that some things I think are just different preferences, so I ignore those.

My baby hasn't been born yet, so my mom hasn't been spending a TON of time at my house, but every time she and my dad come over, there is always some comment about something. Honestly for me, it doesn't bother me at all. I have my way of doing things, and they have theirs. I do things the best that I can for my household. My mom was a SAHM (granted with 4 kids, so I'm sure it wasn't a breeze), but I'm out of the house 10+ hours a day at work right now... so even without a child to look after yet, it isn't a lot of time each evening to unwind.

A lot of things she says, my response is just (kind of jokingly, but truthfully) "I ain't got time for that shit!". The other day they came over to pick us up for a weekend trip. I had just cleared the sink and then found a few more dishes my husband left in the office so I just left it in the sink. She makes a comment about why I don't just wash them so they don't sit there for the next 2 days. I'm like, they usually sit there longer than that even when I'm home! She goes, why not just do them. "I ain't got time for that shit!". My dad was over last night to drop off something he borrowed and saw me making a very lazy dinner (prepackaged ravioli and Costco meatballs). He's like, not home made meatballs from scratch, isn't it easy to make! "I ain't got time for that shit!". I just let the critiques/criticism/comments, whatever they are roll off my back. I love and respect them, but I'm not their carbon copy. My way works for me.

@PurplePumps: Haha I have a version of the same issue. I have always worked full time. My mom quit working when I was born and was a SAHM for almost two decades. Her home is usually more organized than mine is. But I find it sooooo tedious to deal with housework. Yawn. Someone can clean my house when I'm dead.

I think I'm more sensitive to criticism from my mom because I feel like she should be on my side and supportive. But, she's always telling me how to do things differently, weighing in on decisions I made for the kids, telling me I'm overly critical, and has a running commentary about how my life is so exhausting and overwhelming and I'm always doing too much because I work full time. I think it maybe comes from a good place(?), but I've reduced calls to once a week because I don't want to hear it.